Thursday, July 7, 2016

Calendar Guy

This week Phil Robertson, noted philosopher, scientist and reality TV star, gave a rousing speech at the Western Conservative Summit (whatever that is) in Denver, in which he offered incontrovertible proof of the existence of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Said the Duck Dynasty patriarch: "It is 2,016 years since Jesus showed up, right? So don't tell me he wasn't here!"

Robertson presented more ironclad evidence, saying, "By the way, if your calendar is dated of all the human beings who have ever walked on the Earth, and your calendar is dedicated and predicated to just one of ’em, evidently something rather large went down back then. You’re counting time by him, dude. Face it!’”

Welp, that's certainly good enough for me! If my calendar says it's true, that's all the proof I need, brother!

The best thing about this though, is if we apply Robertson's patented brand of logic to the rest of our calendar, then the names of the months means the Roman pantheon of gods is real. By Zeus' Beard!

And the days of the week confirm the existence of the Norse gods as well, including Tyr, Odin, Frigg and best of all, Thor! Cool! I knew I wasn't praying to the God Of Thunder in vain! Look out, Jesus! The sky's getting crowded up there!

Robertson plans to deliver another speech next month, in which he'll attempt to disprove the theory of evolution by screening several episodes of the documentary series The Flintstones.

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