Calendar Guy

This week Phil Robertson, noted philosopher, scientist and reality TV star, gave a rousing speech at the Western Conservative Summit (whatever that is) in Denver, in which he offered incontrovertible proof of the existence of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Said the Duck Dynasty patriarch: "It is 2,016 years since Jesus showed up, right? So don't tell me he wasn't here!"

Robertson presented more ironclad evidence, saying, "By the way, if your calendar is dated of all the human beings who have ever walked on the Earth, and your calendar is dedicated and predicated to just one of ’em, evidently something rather large went down back then. You’re counting time by him, dude. Face it!’”

Welp, that's certainly good enough for me! If my calendar says it's true, that's all the proof I need, brother!

The best thing about this though, is if we apply Robertson's patented brand of logic to the rest of our calendar, then the names of the months means the Roman pantheon of gods is real. By Zeus' Beard!

And the days of the week confirm the existence of the Norse gods as well, including Tyr, Odin, Frigg and best of all, Thor! Cool! I knew I wasn't praying to the God Of Thunder in vain! Look out, Jesus! The sky's getting crowded up there!

Robertson plans to deliver another speech next month, in which he'll attempt to disprove the theory of evolution by screening several episodes of the documentary series The Flintstones.

Overheard At Work: New Year's Eve

I work in a typical office, surrounded by many other workers in cubicles. Although I'm grateful to have a job I like, sometimes the vocal din from the surrounding coworkers is a bit overwhelming. Not to mention odd. Thank the gods old and new for headphones and Pandora.

The following is a 100% true actual conversation I Overheard At Work:

Woman: Just to be clear, New Year's Eve is December 31st this year, right?

Yes, as opposed to last year when it inexplicably cropped up on August 9th.

Good News, Everyone!

At last, our long national nightmare is over. Today marks the very last time that anyone currently alive will ever have to live through another one of these "triple digit" dates. 

Unless you plan on living to be well over one hundred years old, you'll never have to hear Sue from Accounting sending out a companywide email saying, "Everybody, today's 5/5/5!" Never again will you have to suffer through Brad in Sales shouting, "Hey, it's 10/10/10! That won't happen again for a hundred years! Party time!"

Of course by alerting you to the fact that this is the last time any of us will ever see one of these dates, I've inadvertently pointed it out. For that I am truly sorry and I apologize. Excuse me while I go and punish myself severely.

Return Of The Journal Doodles!

Back in 2010 I bought a journal (it's not a diary!) that contained calendar pages at the beginning of every month. I live a simple life here at Bob Canada's BlogWorld and had no use for the calendar, so I started filling up each day on the calendar with a doodle.

Sadly, the 2011 journal (it's not a diary!) that I bought didn't have calendar pages, so there were no doodles last year.

But this year's journal (it's not a diary) features the calendar pages again! Huzzah! The Daily Doodles are back! Enjoy the January Doodles!

Do-It-Myself Calendar

Cheapskate that I am, I always wait until after Christmas to buy a calendar, because they're always marked down at least 50%. Unfortunately this year I didn't find even a single one that interested me. I don't want a calendar with photos of puppies, Thomas Kinkade paintings or scenic Tuscany.*

So, since I couldn't find a store-bought calendar that I liked, I decided to make my own.

I measured my old calendar to get the dimensions, then used InDesign to lay out all the pages. Then I went through my digital illustrations and found twelve that I liked and inserted them. I printed it out, and Violin! My very own homemade calendar featuring my art work.

Here's a few sample pages from my do-it-myself calendar. As always, I apologize in advance for the poor photography.

* This brings up a pet peeve of mine. I like looking at photos of China. I've been there in person, and I can say without a doubt that China has some of the most unusual and breathtaking scenery on the planet. But go to a store and try to find a calendar containing photos of China. It can't be done. They've got scenic calendars of Japan, New York City, Paris, Rome, Tuscany, even Ireland for poop's sake, but God forbid someone publish a China one.

Do the calendar makers think China's not important enough? Let's see... population of Tuscany: 3.7 million. Population of China: 1.3 BILLION. So where are all the frakin' China calendars?

Denouement December

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for December. Sadly, this will be the last of the calendar sketch page posts. I bought a new journal (it's not a diary!) this week, and it doesn't have calendar pages in it.

There's Broccoli Head on the 4th, and Furious the Snowman on the 8th. The kid on the 14th is sporting a patented Beiber Hair Helmet®. There's King Vitamin on the 16th next to Psychotic Kermit on the 17th.

That's Cyclops Rooster on the 22nd next to Spider Head on the 23rd. That's Homeless Santa on the 29th, and me on the 31st.

Jumpin' January!

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for January. I don't know why I'm posting them out of order like this. I started with August, then started working backwards. Who needs order?

Apparently I was cold a lot in January, if the 3rd and the 10th are any indication. I was also tired a lot, according to the 5th and 20th. Looks like payday was on the 8th and 22nd.

That's Jay Leno on the 7th, sweating over all the drama about his failed prime time show. Is that an Elvis sighting on the 14th? Und dat's not AH-Nuld on the 23rd!

Ferkakta February

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for February. I don't know why I'm posting them out of order like this. I started with August, then started working backwards. Who needs order?

The guy on the 6th has something inappropriate growing out of his forehead. That's George Jetson's first wife Estelle on the 8th. Something stinks on the 11th. Happy Valentine's Day on the 14th! The guy on the 21st looks like his mustache is doing bicep curls. The gentleman on the 24th doesn't care for our feathered friends. That's Davros, creator of the Dalek race (from Doctor Who) on the 22nd. Yes, I'm a nerd.

Mopey March

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for March. I don't know why I'm posting them out of order like this. I started with August, then started working backwards. Who needs order?

Some weird baby snuck onto the calendar before the month even started! Is that a sparkly teen vampire there on the 5th? That guy on the 6th is a real blockhead.

The guy on the 17th needs some Proactiv, while the one on the 22nd is a big star. Despite the fact that they're of completely different species, the 19th and 24th look related somehow. The guy on the 30th looks a little "tired." And I believe that's a member of avant-garde rock band The Residents there on the 31st.

Anguished April

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for April. I don't know why I'm posting them out of order like this. I started with August, then started working backwards. Who needs order?

I guess that's the Easter Bunny there on the 4th. That's a very suave dog there on the 12th. And is that Joan Rivers next to him on the 13th? I don't know what that's supposed to be on the 20th. Some kind of half man, half robot thing. Hey, I do these in pen, so I only get one chance to draw them, and if they don't come out right, I'm stuck with them.

The guy on the 21st is upset that "Secretary's Day" is now apparently known as "Administrative Professional's Day." I don't blame him. There's RoboCop on the 24th, inaccurately drawn from memory. The guy on the 26th has appears to have had too much fat injected into his lips. There's Angry Gumby on the 30th. And the guy who snuck in on the non-existent April 31st has been censored.

No, No, November

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for November.

That appears to be the Tin Man on the 1st. The guy on the 6th feels pretty. The monster on the 7th is pissed that he has to set his clock back an hour, while the guy on the 11th is doing some housecleaning.

Odd October

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for October. Lots of monsters and Halloween related doodles here.

We've got the Bride of Frankenstein on the 4th, with a steam powered Frankenstein monster on the 9th. That's supposed to be Boris Karloff on the 7th, but he didn't come out very well. I was trying to draw Peter Cushing on the 13th, but he ended up looking a lot more like Tony Randall! Always use photo reference, kids!

There's Ookla the Mok on the 18th, with a vaguely Vincent Price-esque figure on the 21st. That's Nosferatu down there on the 27th.

Morose May

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for May. I don't know why I'm posting them out of order like this. I started with August, then started working backwards. Who needs order?

I guess that's supposed to be Tough Soldier Beetle Baily on the 2st, with Steven Seagal on the 7th. The guy on the 27th looks like those weird half dog, half men that were always in Carl Bark's Duck comics.

Jerkish June

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for June. I don't know why I'm posting them out of order like this. I started with August, then went to September, then July. Who needs order?

I think that was an attempt at Frankenstein's Monster on the 28th. The 9th and 29th look like 1950s advertising characters (minus the prehensile tongue on the 29th). It looks like the 24th was the inspiration for this.

Juvenile July

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for July. The August pages were full of primal drawings dripping with barely pent-up rage. These doodles don't seem particularly angry, just weird.

Uncle Sam looks a bit beaten up there on July 4th, reflecting the state of our beleaguered country. That's supposed to be Clint Eastwood on the 13th, drawn from memory. I was watching the first season of the Partridge Family on DVD in July, if you can believe such a thing, so that's a not-very-good likeness of Danny Partridge on the 17th, and his manager Reuben Kinkaid on the 21st.

Surly September

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for September. As you might recall, I had an unpleasant August (actually the whole year so far ain't been all that great) and the the calendar doodles from that month reflected that... with gusto.

So far September's been a little better. We'll see how it goes.

Angry August

I've got this daily journal (it's not a diary!) that contains calendar pages at the beginning of every month. Since I do the exact same thing every single day of my life, I have little use for the calendar pages, so I've been filling each day's square with a doodle.

Here are the calendar pages for August. As you might be able to discern from the expressions on the faces in the various boxes, August was not a good month. Nothing worth going into here, but let's just say I'm not sorry to see August 2010 scram.

Note: September's not looking much better.