Monday, December 5, 2016

Anyone Got A Spare Time Machine?

Does anyone out there have a time machine I could borrow for a little bit? Last night I watched The Neon Demon, and I'd really, really like to un-watch it somehow.

By the way, don't let this cryptic post pique your curiosity and make you seek it out. Trust me on this one— you don't want to see it. 

It's a slow-moving, symbolic, artsy bit of indulgent filmmaking by Nicolas Winding Refn, director of Only God Forgives and Drive. It defies categorization, but it's kind of a horror film about a young girl who's chewed up and spit out (heh) by the unforgiving world of fashion modeling.

Wait, did I say it was slow-moving? I meant glacial. There are dozens of moody scenes in which absolutely nothing moves. Not the camera, not the actors, and definitely not the plot. It's like staring at a still photo for five minutes. I've seen drying paint that was more exciting.

But hey, it looks amazing, and the soundtrack is awesome, so there's that.

It's not just me, either. The film was booed when it premiered at the Cannes Film Festival, and many audience members walked out on it.

So you've been warned. Don't seek out The Neon Demon. Sit on the edge of your bed and stare at the floor for two hours instead. You'll get just as much out of it.

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