Mask Up!

This week The CW released a series of posters depicting the stars of their various Arrowverse shows wearing masks (even though many of them are already wearing masks of another kind), to promote proper pandemic safety.

Good for them! I'm all for anything that'll encourage the rabble to take the disease seriously. I don't mind wearing a mask in public, but I'd rather not have to do it the rest of my life, thanks.

Note the ominous caption at the bottom of each poster that reads, "Coming 2021." That means we'll get no new episodes of any Arrowverse shows the rest of this year! Jesus Christ! Thanks, Covid-19!

Nice to see Barry Allen masking up, though one would think his "speed healing" powers would eliminate his need for one.

And what about Supergirl and Superman? Can Kryptonians catch the coronavirus? If anything, we should be wary of catching some alien bug from them! Go ahead and wear those masks, guys!

Could Black Lightning use his electrical-based powers to fry the virus out of his body? You know, like shining a light up your ass or injecting bleach, much like a certain orange politician once suggested?

Wow, looks like the pandemic's a thing over on Earth-2 as well! Stargirl is from a completely different Earth in another universe!

Oh god, imagine the damage the Legends could do if they didn't wear masks! They have a timeship, and regularly travel to the past! They could spread Covid all throughout history!

Good to see that our Lord and Master Beebo is wise enough to mask up as well!

Not that it matters, but it appears this wasn't a specially commissioned photo shoot. As you can see above, it looks like they took pre-existing promotional images and Photoshopped masks onto them. They did an excellent job though, matching the lighting and angles and such. It's impossible to tell the masks aren't real. Well done!

Flash In The Pan

This week actor Keiynan Lonsdale announced he won't be returning as Kid Flash in Season 4 of Legends Of Tomorrow. 

Lonsdale took to social media to explain his decision, saying:

Yo! Soo as a lot of you have now read, I’m not returning next season as a series regular for The Flash or Legends. It’s definitely not a total goodbye or “see ya never” situation, cause Wally West will still be round when you need him the most! It’s just that it won’t be full time anymore.

I’ve changed a lot in the past year (as you’ve probably noticed lol), and for infinite reasons my perspective on life & what I want from it now is just completely different. Because of that, my heart told me it was the right time to continue my journey on an unknown path, and I’m so damn grateful to both shows for honoring & respecting that with me. 

I love Kid Flash, I love the family I’ve made, & I’m absolutely in love with the invaluable lessons I’ve learnt along the way. Thank you for believing in me & rooting for Wally to thrive, you honestly helped me see that I did indeed deserve to play him, & that shit right there made me a stronger actor.

Anyway, I hope you stick around for the new adventures, the only thing I can promise is Magic.

Well that definitely stinks! Over on The Flash the writers botched the character of Wally pretty much from his first appearance. Once he'd been introduced it's like they couldn't wait to turn him into Kid Flash, but then once they did they had absolutely no idea what the hell to do with him. In fact the way the writers immediately shoved him to the side made me wonder why they bothered to add him to the show in the first place. Wally wasn't just in Barry Allen's shadow, there wasn't a light shining on him at all.

Wally's move to Legends Of Tomorrow was the best thing that ever happened to the character. From the second he showed up he flourished in a way he was never allowed to on The Flash. It seemed like a good move for Lonsdale as well, as he appeared to be visibly enjoying himself on the show. Which makes this decision all the more puzzling.

I'll be sorry to see Wally go, but as he said, I guess it's not goodbye forever. Maybe Lonsdale will find himself or whatever he's doing and return to the Arrowverse soon.

In other Arrowverse news, Greg Berlanti, creator of such shows as Arrow, The Flash, Legends Of Tomorrow, Supergirl, Black Lightning and Riverdale (among many others), just signed a new contract with The CW. This new deal extends his contract to 2024, and will reportedly pay him a whopping $300 million.

(insert massive comical spit take here)

Cheesus H. Rice! $300 MILLION DOLLARS to keep pumping out those Arrowverse shows! Holy Crap! That's like baseball player money there! I guess somebody must be watching them besides me!

Arrow Season 6, Episode 8: Crisis On Earth-X Part 2

It's Part 2 of the epic Crisis On Earth-X crossover event!

I very much enjoyed Part 1 of the crossover in Supergirl, as seeing the entire Arrowverse united onscreen was frankly more fun and enjoyable than the new Justice League movie. Unfortunately Part 2 doesn't quite live up to the standards of its predecessor.

The main problem is that while Part 1 gave us a world in which the Nazis, having conquered their own planet, decide to branch out into the multiverse and rule the other fifty two Earths. That's a damned fun and ambitious premise. Unfortunately, Part 2 scales down that initial plan almost exponentially. Instead of vast armies of alt-world Nazis goose-stepping through the multiverse, we get a measly three generals and a couple of squads of soldiers.

Even their objective seems to have shrunk in this episode. Instead of planetary conquest, their only concern seems to be ripping Supergirl's heart out of her chest to use in a transplant.

The fact that the Earth-X Oliver Queen is somehow the Fuhrer of his entire world seems a bit suspect too— especially when Overgirl's standing right beside him. Wouldn't an all powerful and invulnerable alien make a much more formidable (and believable) leader?

Even better, why not have the Fuhrer be a huge surprise for the audience? Someone completely unexpected, yet logical. Someone like... Superman! Or, I guess in this case, Overman. Now that would have been an awesome reveal!

The episode was also bogged down by a poop-ton of interpersonal drama between the various Arrowverse heroes— in the middle of a battle for the planet, yet. Yes, yes, I get that you can't have constant action and these scenes were inserted to give the episode some emotional weight. But these mopey, overwrought conversations are always a slog to sit through in a regular episode, so they were especially egregious here.

On the plus side, Stephen Amell, Melissa Benoist and Tom Cavanagh all turned in wonderfully evil performances, and were obviously having a ball chewing the scenery. The fight scenes were once again very well done, honestly rivaling (if not surpassing) the ones in Justice League. As always, Caity Lotz as White Canary kicked twelve kinds of major ass, and The CW needs to do everything in its power to keep her on its shows.

Here's hoping Crisis on Earth-X Parts 3 and 4 can pull the crossover out of its minor slump!

Check out the other parts of the Crisis here:
Crisis On Earth-X Part 1
Crisis On Earth-X Part 3
Crisis On Earth-X Part 4

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
Picking up where Crisis On Earth-X Part 1 left off, the heroes enter the STAR Labs Secret Super Jail, where they're holding Dark Prometheus, a masked, evil villain from Earth-X. Arrow questions him, asking who he is and what his people want. Dark Prometheus removes his hood, to reveal he's the Earth-X version of Tommy Merlyn, who died several years ago on Earth-1.

Arrow tells the other heroes to scram so he can talk to Tommy-X alone. Tommy gives him a big sob story, saying he grew up without choice. He was born into the hellish world of Earth-X, where the Fuhrer would kill his parents if he didn't join the cause. Arrow says he has a choice now, and encourages him to stay on Earth-1 and become the man he was meant to be. Suddenly Tommy-X begins laughing, saying Arrow's stupider and weaker than he was told. He then bites down on a cyanide capsule, killing himself instantly. Well. That's that, I guess!

Upstairs, the other heroes discuss what's going on and why Nazis from another world would want to crash Barry and Iris' wedding. They bring up the multiverse, and the fact that it contains fifty two alternate Earths. Harry ominously says there's actually a fifty third world called Earth-X, where the Nazis won WWII. Harry says these Nazis took over their entire world, and now they want to branch out into the other fifty two. Just how he knows all this is left to our imaginations. Barry says they need to find how the Earth-Xers are getting here, and suggests the scientist characters start figuring it out.

Over on Earth-X, Dark Arrow gets a text from the biosensor in Tommy's suit, saying he just died. He scoffs and says he was always soft anyway. He orders Dark Flash to get busy and find a mysterious Prism they're searching for, which is located on Earth-1. Dark Flash doesn't appreciate his tone, and the two threaten to kill one another. Overgirl calms them down and tells them to trust in the Plan. The two men realize she's right and stand down.

In STAR Labs, the assembled heroes work on locating the Earth-Xers. Arrow interrupts Felicity to talk about their fight the night before. He asks her again to marry him, but she rejects the idea again, saying they don't need to formalize their relationship. Jesus Christ, could this crap possibly wait until after this world-shattering crisis is over?

In a similar vein, Professor Stein approaches Jackson and demands to know why he's been acting cold and distant ever since they found a way to separate themselves from Firestorm. Jackson finally admits it's because Stein's the closest thing he's ever had to a father, and he doesn't want to lose him. Again, could this possibly wait for another time?

Alex runs into White Canary, and the two share an awkward moment. Once again, Alex tells Supergirl she feels guilty for having a one night stand with Canary. And yet again, Supergirl says it's not a big deal and she should stop beating herself up about it. Some other time, please!

Thankfully an alarm goes off to interrupt all this relationship hooey. Iris checks the screens and says the Earth-Xers have returned and broken into Dayton Opticals.

Arrow, Supergirl and the Flash investigate the break in. When they arrive at the building, they're met by Dark Arrow, Overgirl and Dark Flash, who've already stolen the Prism. Barry orders them to hand it over or else. The three villains refuse, and for some reason remove their masks, revealing they're evil versions of Oliver Queen, Kara Danvers and Eobard Thawne. Why Dark Flash isn't an evil duplicate of Barry Allen is anyone's guess.

The heroes then begin battling their counterparts, but are all evenly matched. The villains then begin monologing, boasting how glad they are to be Nazis instead of soft and weak Americans. Dark Arrow states his allegiance is to the Fatherland and his wife, as he stares lovingly at Overgirl. Apparently they're husband and wife on their Earth! Shocking!

Suddenly Arrow pulls out a kryptonite arrow and shoots Overgirl with it. Supergirl seems a bit taken aback with the fact that Arrow has a kryptonite weapon, until he explains he made it in case she ever went rogue. Dark Arrow orders Dark Flash to take the Prism back to Earth-X, as he helps Overgirl.

A very pissed off Overgirl then uses her heat vision to blast a nearby building that's under construction. For some reason the construction site's filled with workers in the middle of the night, and they begin falling as the building buckles. The Flash rescues the workers at superspeed, while Supergirl flies around the building, spot welding girders with her heat vision. Arrow swings from floor to floor, stringing a cable around the building to help stabilize it. Somehow this is more unbelievable than a woman who can fly and a man who can run at the speed of sound. While the heroes are occupied with the building, Dark Arrow and Overgirl escape and return to Earth-X.

At STAR Labs, Felicity and Wells discuss the Prism. They spew a ton of technobabble, eventually stating it can be used to create a neutron bomb. Arrow returns with his kryptonite arrow, which is covered with Overgirl's blood. The team believes they can use the blood to somehow find Overgirl's location. They notice her cells are charged with much higher levels of solar radiation than Supergirl's are. Plot Point!

On Earth-X, we find out that Dark Arrow is apparently the Fuhrer. Thawne tells Overgirl he's worried that Dark Arrow will lose sight of their mission, and choose her over conquering Earth-1. He claims he saw it happen before, to Hitler. Overgirl assures him she'll make sure that never happens.

At STAR, Arrow whines to Flash about his relationship with Felicity. Sigh... Again with the relationship nonsense! Luckily Felicity interrupts and announces they've found the Earth-Xers. She says they're in an abandoned (of course) shipping depot outside of Danville, where they're keeping the Prism. Um... I thought Dark Flash was supposed to take it back to Earth-X?. Barry scopes out the place by rushing there and back in a split second, and says the place is filled with Nazi soldiers. The heroes all head out to recover the Prism.

Iris and Felicity stay behind in the STAR Labs Cortex to monitor the situation, and give their characters something to do. Heat Wave wanders in and asks where they keep their mustard, and realizes he's been left behind.

The heroes converge on the depot and an impressive battle breaks out between them and the Earth-Xers. Elsewhere, Dark Arrow walks determinedly toward STAR Labs. The whole battle was just a diversion to get the heroes out of the Lab!

Harry walks down a STAR Labs hallway, and almost bumps into Dark Arrow. He turns and runs, managing to sound an alarm before he's knocked out by Dark Arrow (lucky for Harry he didn't just shoot him through the heart, like you'd think a Nazi overlord would). Heat Wave tells Iris and Felicity to hide, and orders Caitlin to change into Killer Frost.

At the depot, the battle rages on, as Arrow shoots another kryptonite arrow at Overgirl. This time she catches it and snaps it in half, strangely unaffected by it.

At STAR, Heat Wave blasts away at Dark Arrow, distracting him long enough for Killer Frost to attack. She freezes his hands to his bow, but he somehow breaks free. Just then Team Arrow, consisting of Mr. Terrific, Black Canary and Wild Dog, show up and join the battle.

Back at the depot, the heroes manage to dispatch all the Nazis. Suddenly Metallo appears, and takes out Supergirl and Firestorm, the good guys' two heaviest hitters. Overgirl and Dark Flash then knock out all the heroes.

They wake up sometime later, chained to a large column and wearing power-dampening collars. Overgirl comes in to gloat, but doubles over in pain. Dark Arrow, who's apparently returned from STAR Labs, tells her to be strong and stand before their enemies.

The Earth-Xers then start monologing and finally explain the reason for their invasion. Overgirl's dying, due to exposure to too much solar radiation (?). They intend to use the stolen Prism to simulate a red sun, which will weaken Supergirl. They can then remove her heart and transplant it into Overgirl to save her life.

Back at STAR, Iris and Felicity come out of their hiding place. They see Nazi soldiers tossing Heat Wave, along with Team Arrow, into the Secret Super Jail. They decide it's up to them to defeat the Nazis and rescue everyone... somehow.

Cut to Flash, Arrow, Supergirl, Canary, Alex, Stein and Jackson lying on the ground, and gradually waking up. They look around, and slowly realize they're inside a concentration camp on Earth-X!

Thoughts:
• I have many questions about Earth-X and its residents.

First of all, why doesn't everyone there speak with a German accent? We're told that Germany developed the atomic bomb before America did, which led to them winning WWII. They then took over Europe and eventually the entire world. 

The Nazis were very Nationalistic group, devoted to the "Fatherland," racial purity and all things Deutsch. It's unlikely they'd all take the time to learn the language of every country they conquered.

You'd think Overgirl of all people would have an accent, since she claims her pod landed in Germany rather than America as it did on Earth-1.

Secondly, how the holy hell did Earth-X Oliver Queen become the Fuhrer of the entire planet? He couldn't have stepped in when Earth-X Hitler died in 1994, as he would have only been about seven years old at the time. I guess he assassinated his way up through the ranks, and killed Hitler's replacement? Or maybe he hooked up with Overgirl and she helped eliminate any obstacles in his way? One wonders why SHE didn't just become Fuhrer then.

• In the Arrowverse, Supergirl lives on Earth-38. She was sent from her home planet of Krypton to Earth-38, in order to watch over Superman. I'm assuming the same applies to Overgirl— she left Krypton-X and came to Earth-X.

So... does that mean there's a Krypton in the Earth-1 universe? Is there a Supergirl living on Krypton-1, that's just never come to Earth yet? I think there is! In this episode, Harry says: "Well, there are fifty three Karas, just like there's fifty three Kryptons and fifty three Earths"

I wonder if we'll ever get to meet the Earth-1 Supergirl?

• Was there any good reason why Dark Flash turned out to be Eobard Thawne and not an evil Barry Allen? The other two Earth-Xers were mirror versions of Oliver and Kara, so why not Barry as well? Why dredge up Thawne for the tenth or twentieth time?

As with Damien Darhk over on Legends Of Tomorrow, I'm not even gonna attempt to try and figure out how it's possible for Eobard Thawne to be alive and well at this point.

And how the hell did a villain from Earth-1 get hooked up with the Fuhrer and his bride over on Earth-X?

• Speaking of Thawne, I've never understood why the hell his costume has veins sculpted into it. Are they sculpted? Or are they supposed to be his distended veins poking up through the fabric of his costume? Ewww.

• Poor Tommy Merlyn dies a second time on the show! He just can't seem to stop dying, no matter what universe he's in!

• After discovering that Dark Prometheus is Tommy Oliver, the heroes discuss how that could be possible. Barry says they must be dealing with a Tommy from another Earth. Jackson is absolutely gobsmacked by this, saying, "There are more than one?. Dude, you're literally standing next to Supergirl, who's from Earth-38. Derp!

This is called "Cabbage Head Syndrome." When there's important information the writers needs to get across, they'll often have someone ask a really stupid and obvious question, so another character can explain things to him, and by extension to the audience. The character who asks the dumb question is called the Cabbage Head.

Unfortunately Jackson's gets to play the part here, even though he fought with Supergirl in the big Invasion crossover last year and surely to hell knows she's not of his Earth. Honestly everyone in the lab has encountered beings from the multiverse before, so no one should have had to ask about it. The writers needed to find a less hackneyed way to introduce the concept to the audience.

• After establishing the concept of the multiverse, Harry ominously tells the others he believes they're dealing with invaders from Earth-X. Several things here.

First of all, how does he know about the existence of this fifty third Earth in the first place? Especially when no one else has heard of it? He seems to know quite a bit about the history of the place too— right down to the dates of specific events!

Secondly, where the hell did he get the comprehensive Earth-X newsreel footage that he shows to the others? Is he an Earth-X cable subscriber? Or is he just playing similar Earth-1 Nazi videos to illustrate his point?

Lastly, Harry says that over on Earth-X, Hitler died in 1994. Hmm. I don't know how closely their history followed ours, but here on good old Earth-1, Hitler was born in 1889. That means he was 105 when he died! I guess it's not impossible, but you gotta admit, it's definitely unlikely. Maybe they used some sort of advanced Earth-X technology to keep him going?

• All this season on Legends Of Tomorrow, Jackson's been doing everything in his power to split up Firestorm so Professor Stein can retire and spend time with his family. Suddenly in Crisis On Earth-X Part 1, he began having second thoughts and started acting cold and distant toward Stein.

In this episode, Stein confronts him and demands to know what the hell's wrong with him. Jackson finally blurts out that he thinks of Stein as the father he never had, and doesn't want to lose him.

It's a nice sentiment, but... WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? As far as I know Jackson's never once indicated he felt that way about the Prof, as he often acted annoyed by the fact he was connected to him and they shared a psychic link. Suddenly in this episode he does a complete 180º turn and can't live without him.

I get that that this is just prep for Stein's looming departure from the show. But the Legends writers should have been setting this up all season, and not springing it on us at the very last second like this. And in an episode of Arrow to boot!

By the way, isn't it interesting how the Jackson/Stein psychic link lets each of them sense what the other's thinking— except when the script says they can't?
• The Earth-Xers steal the Prism from a lab called Dayton Optical. The Arrowverse shows love to name streets and buildings after prominent comic book writers and artists. I'm not aware of any named Dayton though.

There is a DC comic character named Steve Dayton though. He was a superhero named Mento, who was a member of the Doom Patrol. Was this a Doom Patrol shoutout, or just a coincidence?

• Harry and the other brains theorize that the Earth-Xers stole the Prism because it can be turned into a neutron bomb. At the end of the episode though, we find out they're actually using it to simulate a red sun, which will weaken Supergirl.

So which is it? Did they steal it to make a bomb or a sun? Was Harry wrong? Or did the writers need to polish this script a bit more before filming it?

• Overgirl seems curiously unaffected by Oliver's kryptonite arrows. Early on he shoots one at her that actually pierces her shoulder. She pulls it out and throws it back at him, but otherwise seems completely unfazed. Toward the end of the episode he fires another one at her, and this time she catches it in midflight and snaps it in half!

Generally whenever Supergirl's exposed to kryptonite on her own show, she's instantly weakened by it and can barely stand. So why doesn't the same happen to Overgirl? Does Earth-1 kryptonite not affect Earth-X Kryptonians the same way?

I have a feeling this is one of those cases where kryptonite has a certain effect except when the script says it doesn't.

• Once again, I'm convinced that the Flash cowls are so tight they're virtually impossible to put on or take off without the help of an army of makeup people. When Eobard Thawne takes off his cowl, he grabs it with both hands, then we get an awkward cutaway. When the camera points toward him again, his cowl's off. The same thing happens in this episode when Barry puts his on.

• My favorite part of the episode is when Dark Arrow invades Star Labs. Heat Wave spots him on the security camera, then turns to Iris and Felicity and says, "You and you, hide!" Iris asks, "What about Caitlin," and he replies, "It's gonna get a lot colder in here," implying he's gonna try and summon Killer Frost.

I love this scene, especially the part where he tells the non-powered women to hide. It proves that despite his gruff exterior, Mick really does care about his teammates, and shows just how much he's grown as a character since he was introduced.

• When Dark Arrow attacks STAR Labs by himself, Killer Frost freezes his hands to his bow. Somehow he manages to break free without shattering his hands into a thousand pieces, as should have happened.
• Felicity's a PKD fan! At one point she discusses Dark Arrow with Iris, saying, "It was Oliver, but it wasn't Oliver. It was Oliver In The High Castle!"

Of course she's referring to Phillip K. DIck's novel The Man In The High Castle, which is an alternate universe story about— what else— Nazis (and Japan) winning WWII.

• Funny how the Overgirl has the exact same little scar over her eyebrow that Supergirl has (click on the photo to see it better)! Now THAT'S what I call a coincidence! Somehow these two women who live in completely different universes must have suffered the exact same injury in the exact same spot, at the exact same time! Crazy!

What the hell kind of injury would leave a scar on a Kryptonian in the first place? Aren't they invulnerable?

• This episode features another epic, impressively choreographed fight scene between all the heroes and the Nazi hoard. It's not quite as impressive as the church battle in Crisis On Earth-X Part 1, but it's not bad.

There's one thing in the warehouse fight that made me laugh out loud though (and not in a good way). As the camera pans across the battle, you can actually see White Canary engaging in hand-to-hand combat with... Overgirl!

As if that wasn't bad enough, a few seconds later you can see the two of them still going at it!

Eventually Overgirl tires of the fight and starts choking Canary.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Canary's a normal human woman with impressive fighting skills, but that's about it. She'd last about 3.5 nanoseconds in a fight against a Kryptonian. Was there any reason why Overgirl didn't just snap Canary's neck and get it over with, like Superman did in Man Of Steel? Was she just toying with Canary, the way a cat plays with a mouse before eating it?

• Things I learned in this episode: Apparently if you throw Firestorm against a support column hard enough, he'll literally split into Jackson and Professor Stein again!

• At the end of the episode, a new version of Metallo appears and blasts the heroes into unconsciousness, so they can be transported to Earth-X. 

Obviously Metallo's here as a fun bit of fan service for Supergirl fans. But why do the Earth-Xers have a version of Metallo in the first place?

Metallo's a Supergirl villain who lives on Earth-38. He has no equivalent on Earth-1. So how the hell can he be on Earth-X? Did they spy on Earth-38, see Supergirl fighting Metallo and say, "Hey, that's a good idea for an evil robotic henchman!" and decide to build one of their own? I'm confused.

• This Week's Best Lines:
Iris: "Ok, but why would Nazis from 1945 want to crash my wedding?"
Heat Wave: "Crab legs. They were delicious."

Dark Flash: (to Dark Arrow) "Don't threaten me, or have you forgotten? I can end your life before you birth your next thought."
(now THAT is an awesome piece of comic book dialogue!)

Overgirl: "You have to trust in the plan, Oliver. You should. It's yours."
Dark Arrow: "And do you trust me?"
Overgirl: "Yes, with all of my heart."
(Wa-wahhhhhhh!)

Caitlin: "Ok, but what about the Waverider? I mean, a time-traveling spaceship must have some sort of tracking technology that we can use."
Jackson: "Yeah, not exactly. It's, uh, it's in the stone age."
(He sees Caitlin looking at him skeptically)
Jackson: "Oh, like, literally in the stone age!"

Dark Arrow: "My allegiance is to the Fatherland and to my wife."
Supergirl: "His wife? Gross! (turning to Arrow) No offense!'
Supergirl: "Is that a kryptonite arrow? Why do you have a kryptonite arrow?"
Arrow: "In case an evil you ever showed up!"

Felicity: "The bottom line is that we have to catch these parallel-earth goose-steppers!"

Alex: "Is that a kryptonite arrow?"
Barry: "Yup."
Felicity: I know I shouldn't have to ask this question, but I have to ask this question. Oliver didn't shoot Kara, did he?"
Barry: "Sort of."

Dark Flash: "Do you like my face?:
Barry: "It's the face you were wearing when I became the Flash."
Dark Flash: "I thought I'd put it on again. You know, for old time's sake. Plus, handsome!"

Barry: "That's why you stole the Prism? So you could duplicate a red sun, weaken Kara, and cut into her?"
Dark Flash: "Can't make an omelet with invulnerable eggs."

Iris: "I thought we were gonna die."
Felicity: "If I had a dime for every time I thought that, I... I'd have two dollars and forty cents. I really thought I'd have more than that."

Stein: (seeing the heroes are in a concentration camp on Earth-X) "This is somewhat disconcerting."
(wow, the Prof. has quite the talent for understatement!)

Legends Of Tomorrow Season 2, Episode 16: Doomworld

This week on Legends Of Tomorrow, the Legion Of Doom finally gets to use the Spear Of Destiny and rewrite reality in their own image.

Oddly enough it's a curiously low-key reality, that's not all that much different from our current one. It even has the same president! I guess the Legion's desire to posses the Spear was much like a dog chasing a car— they didn't know what to do with it once they caught it!

Overall it's a fun, if underwhelming episode. It gives the cast a chance to play different versions of their characters, which is always fun— for the actors as well as the audience.

As usual in this type of story, the writers have to stack the deck a bit in favor of the heroes, in order to give them a fighting chance. Logically the Legion should have used the Spear to erase the Legends completely from reality, but for some reason they make the boneheaded decision to keep them alive and just erase their memories. 

Then the writers litter the story landscape with little chances for the heroes to win. Steel just happens to remember the way things used to be. Atom just happens to invent a gun that can restore everyone's memories. Heat Wave just happens to decide to help the Legends win. It's an overused trope of course, but if the writers didn't use it this would be the final episode of the series!

It kind of reminds me of the final Hunger Games movies. The Districts have 1930s Dustbowl-era technology, and are going up against the futuristic Capitol. There's no way the Districts could last more than five minutes against their technologically superior enemy. Author Suzanne Collins realized this as well, which is why she pulled District 13 out of her ass. A previously unheard of District that just happened to be filled to the rafters with highly trained soldiers, high tech weapons and tons of ammo, and gave the heroes a fighting chance. Funny how that just happened to work out, eh?

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
Now that the Legion Of Doom possesses the Spear Of Destiny, they've forever altered the world. The Legionaries are all in positions of power, while the Legends toil away in menial jobs, without their powers and with no memories of their former lives.

In Star City, White Canary and Vixen, both clad in black leather cat suits (of course), chase a masked vigilante through the streets. After a brief fight they capture her, and we see she's really Felicity Smoake (from Arrow), who's apparently a superhero in this reality.

The two bring Felicity to the office of Damien Darhk, who's now the mayor of Star City (Really? That's it? Just the mayor?). He monologues a bit, then orders Canary to kill Felicity. OK, so... that was all pointless, other than to get a guest star from Arrow into the episode.

Over in Central City, Malcom Merlyn bursts into a restored STAR Labs, demanding to see Eobard Thawne. Merlyn notices that Thawne has apparently captured the Black Flash and imprisoned him in his office, meaning he's no longer in danger of being eradicated from the timeline. Merlyn wants to use the Spear to alter a few things for himself, but Thawne tells him that's impossible, as he destroyed the Kalobros (aka the instruction book for the Spear). Merlyn isn't happy about this.

Thawne then summons Jefferson Jackson to his office, and asks how the big project's proceeding. Jackson says it'll be up and running that night. Thawne threateningly says it'd better be, or else. After Jackson leaves, Merlyn asks why the hell Thawne let the Legends live in his brave new world. Thawne says it's "poetic justice," which doesn't make the least bit of sense, but lets just move on.

We then see Captain Cold and Heat Wave robbing a bank. As they run down the street, they're suddenly surrounded by cops. The police then recognize Cold, put down their guns and walk off. Heat Wave asks what the hell that was all about. Cold says that all Heat Wave wanted was a life of crime, so that's what he's got now in this reality. An entire world to rob, unfettered by interference from the law. Heat Wave doesn't like the sound of this, and appears to be regretting his decision to hand the Spear over to the Legion.

Meanwhile, Rip Hunter is apparently living inside the Waverider in this reality, spending his days playing Cake Boss (?). This doesn't make the least big of sense, but let's just move on. Gideon, who also apparently still exists, suggests they try and rescue their former teammates. Rip says it's impossible, as the Legion is too powerful.

In a lab that looks amazingly like the Hall Of Doom from the Super Friends cartoon, Jackson berates his employee, Professor Stein, and tells him he'd better get the project up and running immediately. We see Atom works in this lab as well, as a janitor (!).

Back In Thawne's office, he tells Cold and Heat Wave to keep and eye on Merlyn, who he thinks is acting squirrely. It's the old "Divide And Conquer" trick! Suddenly Steel barges into the office. In this reality he's a conspiracy theorist who live in his mother's basement, and has an embarrassing Lloyd Christmas-esque haircut. He tells Thawne that the world isn't "right," as he's somehow sensed that reality has changed. He calls these subtle differences "scars." Thawne realizes that Steel's onto something, and tells Cold and Heat Wave to take him out and kill him.

The two drive Steel out to a remote location. Just as Cold's about to kill Steel, Heat Wave stops him. The two fight, and Heat Wave knocks out Cold. He then grabs Steel and they drive off.

They drive to Atom's apartment (um... how does Heat Wave know where he lives?), and Heat Wave tells him he needs his help to fix things. Atom says he's just a janitor, but Heat Wave disagrees, telling him he's "a geek, a nerd, a genius." Atom sheepishly admits he also feels there's something wrong with reality, and shows them something he's been working on— a Transreality Multiplexer. He says the raygun-like device will "reset" a person's brain to its original settings.

Heat Wave takes the Multiplexer and shoots Steel in the head with it. Steel shakes his head for a few seconds, sees Heat Wave, calls him a son of a bitch and punches him in the face for betraying the Legends! The gun works! He then shoots Atom with it, and he punches him in the face as well!

Cold meets with Darhk and Merlyn to discuss Heat Wave's apparent defection. Darhk is worried that he's trying to reuinite the Legends (smart boy!). He calls Canary and Vixen, and tells them to find Heat Wave (who has a tracker on him, courtesy of Cold).

Back at Atom's place, Canary and Vixen barge in. They attack the three men, and a big battle ensues. Vixen gets away, but Heat Wave manages to shoot Canary with the Multiplexer, restoring her memory. She also punches him in the face!

Canary says the Legion knows where they are and will be coming from them, so they go to the only place they'll be safe— Steel's mom's house. Canary says the Legion doesn't know she's been restored, so she can sneak back into Darhk's office and "fix" Vixen. Steel wonders how they can restore Jackson and Stein.

Meahwhile in the Waverider, a slovenly and disheveled Rip finishes decorating another cake (?). Gideon announces she's figured out a way to get around Thawne's dampening field, so they can send out a message to the Legends. This seems to recharge Rip, who says it's time clean himself up and finally take some action.

Darhk, Merlyn and Cold discuss Thawne's actions, and decide he needs to be eliminated. Vixen enters and says she was separated from Canary, and that three of the Legends have been restored. Just then Canary enters, apologizing for being late and acting like she's still under Thawne's influence.

Darhk is suspicious of her, and taunts her about killing her sister Laurel. She goes along with it as long as she can, but eventually reaches her breaking point. She punches Darhk in the face (lots of face punching in this episode!) and he levitates her with his magic powers, which have been restored in this reality. Just as he's about to kill her, Canary pulls out the Multiplexer and shoots Vixen with it. The two of them escape.

They find Jackson, shoot him with the Multiplexer and take him to Steel's basement. Jackson says Thawne was having him build some sort of nuclear incinerator, one that burns "a thousand times hotter than the sun." They theorize that Thawne plans to use the incinerator to destroy the Spear Of Destiny, which would cement this reality in place forever.

The Legends then decide to get the Spear back before Thawne can destroy it. Amazingly Heat Wave remembers the Kalobros incantation that controls the Spear, so they'll be able to actually use it once they get it. Because the Legends are still dicks though, they tell him to stay behind, since he's the reason they're in this mess. After they leave, he joins his pal Cold again.

At the lab, Thawne threatens Stein, who says the reactor is finally ready. He powers it up and it hums to life. Meanwhile, Cold & Heat Wave tell Darhk and Merlyn that Thawne is planning to incinerate the Spear. They refuse to let that happen, and decide to grab the Spear while the Legends are attacking Thawne.

Jackson enters the lab and tries to shoot Stein with the Muliplexer, but he swats it out of his hand, breaking it. Thawne enters with the Spear, right as the rest of the Legends AND the Legion arrive. Just as Thawne's about the drop the Spear into the reactor, Heat Wave shoots it out of his hand. The Legends and the Legion then fight over the Spear, as it changes hands many times.

Finally Heat Wave grabs the Spear. Both sides try to convince him to hand it over. He finally gives it to Vixen, the only person he really trusts. She starts chanting the incantation in order to undo Thawne's changes. Suddenly she's hit with an extra strong blast from Cold's gun. She freezes solid and shatters into a million pieces (!). Cold grabs the Spear, and for some reason gives it to Thawne. He drops it into the reactor, where it's instantly incinerated!

Both the Legends and the Legion threaten to kill Thawne, but he reminds them that he's a speedster and could murder them all while they're blinking. He then speeds away.

Back in Steel's basement, the Legends mope over their defeat. Canary says they could undo all this if they could go back in time and prevent the Legion from getting the Spear in the first place. Unfortunately they don't know where to find Rip.

Cut to Rip in the Waverider, as he begins sending out a distress call. The camera pulls back, and we see the ship's been miniaturized and is now a decoration on Thawne's desk!

Thoughts:
• Eobard Thawne does this week's intro. I'm pretty sure it's his first time.

• Once again, the Legion's logos replace those of the Legends as they fly onto the screen and form the title in this episode. The last time this happened was a few weeks ago in the appropriately titled The Legion Of Doom!

• Darhk keeps a trophy case in his office, filled with the masks of superheroes he's killed in this reality. Gosh, we've never seen a super villain do anything like that before!

From the top left the masks are:

Ragman   /   Arrow

Wildcat    /    Vigilante

Black Canary    /    The Flash
Unknown?    /    Spartan

I have no idea what the object at lower left is. If anybody has any ideas, let me know.

• Although I liked this episode for the most part, it does contain one whopper of an oddity— the Legion Of Doom's "Brave New World" that they created with the Spear Of Destiny doesn't seem all that different from our own!

Eobard Thane spends his time as a research scientist. Malcolm Merlyn seems content to have his family and his hand back. And Captain Cold and Heat Wave want nothing more out of life than a bank to rob and a star to steer her by, or something like that.

Weirdest of all is Damien Darhk, who's now the Mayor of Star City in this new reality. Really, the mayor? I guess maybe in a few years he'll run for Governor, and if that works out, he'll eventually become a Senator. Then if all goes well, maybe twenty or thirty years from now, he might have a shot at President!

I dunno, I was expecting their custom-built reality to be a little more... grand.

Obviously this is yet another case of budgetary limitations. Creating a bold new world full of wonders we've never seen before is expensive. Showing us one that's more or less the same as ours is cheap!

Another oddity about the Legion's altered reality: When Steel first meets Thawne, he gushes to him about all the wonderful ways in which he's changed the world for the better. He says Thawne eliminated global warming, saved the polar bears, made desalination feasible, figured out cold fusion and more!

Honestly this new reality doesn't sound all that bad! Instead of inflicting pain and suffering on the world, Thawne actually seems to have made it better! So what's the downside here? That some of the Legends are forced to work in menial jobs? The horror... the horror...

• In this reality, Eobard Thawne conducts research in a restored STAR Labs, complete with an intact upper left pylon.

I'm pretty sure this is this is the first time we've seen the building whole since The Flash's Pilot episode!

• Steel barges into Thawne's office and tells him there's something "wrong" with reality. Having Steel be the one who senses the world isn't right is a nice little callback to the first episode of the season, in which he said he was a "Time Detective" who noticed the Legends were making small changes to the past.

Somewhat less than believable was the idea that Atom just happened to cobble together a gun which would restore everyone's memories. Talk about convenient!

• This episode continues the series' (and the Arrowverse in general) tradition of horrible, horrible wigs. Especially Steel's Lloyd Christmas haircut. Was that even hair on top of his head?

Thawne jokes to Merlyn that he kept the Legion alive in his new world, but made sure each was living in their own "personal hell." Is this the normally perfectly-coiffed Steel's personal hell— to live out his life with horrible-looking hair?

• The idea that Rip Hunter's spending his days inside a miniaturized Waverider baking and decorating elaborate cakes is... odd, to say the least. I don't mean the miniaturization thing— that's just par for the course on this series. I'm talking about his sudden talent for baking. He's never indicated any interest in cake decorating, or demonstrated a talent of any kind in any previous episode. So where the hell did that come from?

I assume Thawne knows Rip's inside the Waverider, right? Trapping him in there is part of Rip's "personal hell" and all that? Additionally, Rip seems to be the only one who remembers his former life. Why the hell would Thawne let him keep his memories?

By the way, did you notice Rip's Doctor Who cake? If features a time motif, surrounded by a ribbon filled with clock face numbers...

...that is very reminiscent of the current opening titles of Doctor Who. 

That had to be deliberate. Both shows are about time travel, not to mention the fact that actor Arthur Darvill, who plays Rip, also starred as Rory Williams a few seasons ago on Doctor Who!

• Thawne's other lab, in which Professor Stein is working on the nuclear incinerator, looks amazingly like the Hall Of Doom from the Super Friends cartoon. It's where the animated Legion Of Doom held their monthly meetings.

That. Is. Awesome! For all my whingeing, I really do love this show!

• At one point we see Thawne on the phone, saying: "Yes, Mr. President, you know I'll be there. You know I love receiving medals. And then, uh, golf on Sunday. And dinner at your hotel after? All right, all right, best to Mel. Bye-bye."

Naturally Donald Trump is still the president in Thawne's dark new reality!

I'm not exactly sure when this episode was filmed, but it has to have been pretty recently, as they very accurately referenced Trump's constant weekend golf retreats. He's our country's first forty hour a week president!

One thing they missed the ball on though was the "Best to Mel" line. Our new first lady doesn't even live in the same goddamned city as her husband, as she shudders at his very touch. In fact I doubt they've been in the same room since the inauguration!

• After Thawne remakes the world, he plans to build a nuclear incinerator so he can destroy the Spear Of Destiny, which will cement this reality in place permanently. A couple things here:

First of all, why does Thawne order Jackson and Stein to build the incinerator? Can't he just use the Spear to create one instantly?

Secondly, Thawne needs the incinerator to disintegrate the Spear, since it can't be destroyed by conventional means. Does he really need the incinerator? Is the Spear capable of destroying itself?

Lastly, all through the episode Thawne threatens and badgers Stein to hurry up and finish the incinerator. What the hell's his hurry? I get that he wants to destroy the Spear to cement his new reality, but why does it have to be eliminated RIGHT NOW???!? Is he afraid the rest of the Legion might get ahold of it and undo his changes?

• Did you notice that in the video game Atom's playing, he's shooting what look like Dominators from Invasion!, last year's big four part Arrowverse crossover event?

• Really, Legends? Last week you were all such insufferable dicks to Heat Wave, that you caused him to defect and join the Legion. It could be argued that you're partially responsible for this whole mess.

Then this week Heat Wave tries to undo the situation, and you all STILL act like dicks to him, refusing to let him go on the mission to retrieve the Spear!

I'm starting to think you all deserve your crappy jobs and bad haircuts!

• My favorite part of the episode? When Steel used the Spear to knock Thawne into last Tuesday, and he and Darhk came thissss close to high-fifing one another. Hilarious!

• Nice to see the Blue Laser™ getting work again! When Thawne drops the Spear Of Destiny into the incinerator, it disintegrates and releases a massive amount of energy, that for some reason takes the form of the standard superhero movie blue laser that shoots straight up into the air.

• At the end of the episode, pre-reformation Captain Cold kills Vixen. I wouldn't mourn too hard for her though, as there's no way she's gonna stay dead. If she dies here, then her granddaughter, the modern day Vixen, will never be born, which would screw up Arrow's continuity. I'm sure she'll get better next week (which will totally undercut her emotional farewell in this episode).

• All through the episode I assumed Rip & the Waverider were marooned in the Vanishing Point (which I'm sure is what we were all supposed to think). Nope! Turns out that the Waverider's actually been miniaturized and is acting as a decoration on Thawne's desk! Did NOT see that coming!

Let's hope that in addition to shrinking the Waverider (and Rip), Thawne remembered to shrink their mass as well. Otherwise that's gotta be one strong desk!

The "Waverider Desktop Reveal" was actually telegraphed earlier in the episode. In one scene we see Thawne has a couple of aircraft models sitting on his desk!

Once I saw the reveal, I went back through the episode to see if I could spot the Waverider on the desk in any scenes. There's an early shot where you can see something vaguely ship-shaped on Thawne's desk, but I can't tell for sure if it's the Waverider or not.

• This Week's Best Lines:
Steel: (to Cold and Heat Wave) "Look, I don't understand. If this is about my work, nobody pays attention to it. My mom's the only person that reads my blog."
Heat Wave: "Stop talking."

Steel: (again, to Heat Wave) "This could be one of my scars talking, but I'm sensing you're telling me the truth."

Merlyn: "I knew we should've killed them all. It was a dangerous oversight to keep them alive in any capacity."
Cold: "Does that include Mick?"
Merlyn: "At the very least we should've wiped his brain, such as it is."

Heat Wave: (to Atom and Steel, after their minds have been restored) "Hey, if it wasn't for me, you'd all be dead."
Steel: "Yeah, Mick, thanks a lot. You trapped each of us in our own personal hell."
Atom: "Do you have any idea how many toilets I've cleaned? (shudders) So many."

Atom: (to Canary and Vixen) "I know this may sound crazy, but doesn't it seem like there's something wrong with this world?"
Canary: "Yeah. Rory sold out the boss."
Vixen: "To throw in with you losers."
Steel: (to Vixen) "Losers? I'll have you know in my reality, you and I had sex, and we both liked it very much!"

Steel: (trying to prove to Canary and Vixen that he's a superhero) "Okay. Allow me to demonstrate my superpowers. Okay?" 

(Steel grunts as he tries to "steel" up)
Heat Wave: "Knock it off, you idiot. The Spear took away your powers."

Heat Wave: (after three of the restored Legends punches him) "One more person hits me, I'm gonna punch back!"

Atom: (after the restored Legends meet in Steel's basement) "Your mom's basement? Really?"
Steel: "I pay rent, so legally it's my basement, kinda."
Heat Wave: "Mommy makes great sandwiches."

Rip: "I don't know if I can do this, Gideon."
Gideon: "I believe in you. Now, let's get to work."
Rip: "First I'm going to vomit. And second let's do this."

Cold: "When your minions bring Mick back, I want to arrange a meeting with Thawne. When I say 'arrange a meeting,' I mean..."
Merlyn: "One between Thawne and his maker? Cute."
Darhk: "A little mustache-twirly for my taste."
Merlyn: "You're really gonna have to step up your tactics, Leonard."

Darhk: "Yeah, you didn't think that Thawne was actually gonna fall for that fake meeting trick?"
Merlyn: "This is not The Godfather."

Darhk: (using his magic to kill Canary) "I'm gonna miss you, Ms. Lance. Having you around to attend to my every whim was too enticing to pass up. Plus, it's so hard to find good help these days."
Cold: "Really? Now's the time for a bad guy monologue?"

Jackson: (in Steel's basement) "There's just one thing I don't understand. If Thawne made this world to punish us, how are your mom's sandwiches so good, bro?"
Steel: "Her condiment game's on point, right?"
Atom: "She even had gluten-free bread for me!"

Jackson: (after finding out Thawne intends to destroy the Spear) "Okay, we better get that Spear before he can make that happen."
Vixen: "But even if we find it, we don't know how to access its powers."
Canary: "Rory does. You were there, right, when they used the Spear? "
Heat Wave: "Mm-hmm. They read out of some book called the, uh, Calibrick... Cal... Caliber... Kalablow... Kalabalos... uh, something like that."
Steel: "Do you remember what language it was in?"
Heat Wave: "Aramaic."
Jackson: "Dude, how do you even know what Aramaic sounds like?"
Heat Wave: "Passion of the Christ. Good movie."

Jackson: (trying to restore Stein) "Did you just press the silent alarm?"

Stein: "What? No, it's It's a secondary radiation sensor for the nuclear core."
Jackson: "Grey, you are a crappy liar in any reality."

Thawne: (to the Legends) "Well, looks like you losers managed to remember who you are. I should've wiped you from existence when I had the chance. Do you have any idea how infuriating it is to know that Merlyn was right?"

Cold: (after freezing Vixen solid and shattering her) "I am sorry about your friend, Mick. I know you loved her to pieces."
(you just know Wentworth Miller loved delivering that line!)