That's No Moon... It's A Lack Of Originality.

As you are no doubt well aware if you've stepped inside any retail establishment in the past few days, September 1 was Force Friday II. That was the big event in which all the new Star Wars crap, er, merchandise was dumped into stores, right on top of all the stuff from Force Friday I that's still sitting unsold on the shelves.

Among the new merchandise was this model kit of the TIE Silencer, Kylo Ren's new ship from The Last Jedi. There's not a lot to say about the new ship, other than it's a butt-ugly design that seems to be a cross between Darth Vader's TIE Fighter from A New Hope and the TIE Interceptor from The Return Of The Jedi.

What really caught my eye though was the box art. Take a good look at the box, specifically the area just to the left of the Tie Silencer.

Yep, that a goddamned Death Star.

Jesus Jetskiing Christ on a cross! Please, please, PLEASE tell me that writer/director Rian Johnson isn't so creatively bankrupt that he's bringing back the Death Star for a FOURTH time. Yes, I said fourth. I'm counting The Force Awakens' Starkiller Base as a Death Star. It looked like one, it destroyed planets like one, and they blew it up like one. It was a Death Star, no matter what JJ Abrams called it.

I realize it's entirely possible that I'm getting all vexed over nothing here. The inclusion of the Death Star here could be nothing more than a mistake. It could be a case of a rushed and overworked designer battling a deadline and grabbing a random background to stick behind the ship, not realizing it contained something it shouldn't. Hell, if he was in a time crunch he may not have even noticed the Death Star back there. He may have even cropped it out, only to have it unexpectedly shift into view due to a computer glitch. Such things are in the realm of possibility.

On the other hand, corporations like Disney are notoriously picky about their properties and how they're represented by products. This box no doubt went through numerous rounds of approval before it was finally OKed. If the Death Star WASN'T supposed to be there, rest assured some Disney exec would have noticed and ordered it changed.

All I know is if I sit down to watch The Last Jedi and they trot out another goddamned Death Star, I will lose my sh*t. I am gonna get up, walk out of the theater and flip over the frakin' ticket booth. And then I'll get mad!

The Secret Revealed!

Happy Force Friday II! What's Force Friday II, you ask? Why, just like the original Force Friday, it's the day Hasbro and other companies flood every retail establishment in the land with new Star Wars action figures, Legos, playsets, electronics, clothing and more. Best of all, this flood of brand new merchandise will be piled on top of all the stuff that was released two years ago, and is still collecting dust on store shelves everywhere. It's a virtual avalanche of Star Wars crap, er, I mean product! What a time to be alive

Among the many, many, many items being released today is this action figure of Supreme Leader Snoke, perched on his snazzy new throne. Ever since Snoke first appeared in The Force Awakens, fans have been trying to guess just who he is. Could he somehow be a resurrected Emperor Palpatine? A clone of Darth Vader? Harrison Ford's agent?

Welp, after examining this new figures, the answer's clear. With his sumptuous, luxurious golden robes, there's only one person Snoke can be— the Librarian seen in Attack Of The Clones! It's the only possible answer!