I'm Positive This Is Negative

Last week, New York based company Mately got in hot water when they used long-time Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie in an advertisement without permission.

Mately is a startup company that specializes in mail-away test kits for HIV and other STDs. The ad in question shows Bert and Ernie apparently looking over their own test results before engaging in some good old fashioned healthy anal sex.

Jesus Jetskiing Christ!

In the ad, a smug looking Bert is presumably showing his test results to a concerned Ernie, who's apparently worried his life partner is riddled with sexually transmitted diseases. Bert proudly exclaims, "See Ernie, you've got nothing to worry about, everything is positive!"

Whaaa??? That doesn't make any goddamned sense. In the medical world, "positive" means the condition being tested for was found in the patient. So if Bert was getting tested for HIV, then a positive result means he has it. Which seems like Ernie would actually have plenty to worry about. 

If Bert is trying to be optimistic here and let Ernie know that he's clean, then he used a very poor choice of words. Did anyone proofread this ad before they uploaded it?

Needless to say, Sesame Workshop, who produces Sesame Street and owns the various characters on the show, were not happy. Spokesmen for Sesame Workshop claimed the ad campaign was an "unauthorized, unlicensed use of our characters" and sent a cease-and-desist letter to Mately. The ad has since been pulled from the Mately website and social media pages. 

Mately "CEO" Brandon Greenberg quickly issued an apology, stating, "We sincerely apologize if we offended anyone or if any images were use inappropriately... This was by no means part of an advertising campaign intended to tarnish the Sesame Street brand.”

Well of course you didn't intend to tarnish the Sesame Street brand. How could the fact that you implied that a puppet on a beloved children's program may be riddled with AIDS possibly harm the brand?

This whole ad kerfuffle could end up torpedoing Mately's business plans. They're attempting to fund the startup through an Indiegogo campaign, whatever the hell that is. They need to raise $500,000, but as of last week have only managed to scrape together an embarrassing $3,859 (with two months to go). Gosh, who'd have thought people wouldn't want to test themselves for STDs in the privacy of their own bathrooms?

That Ain't Right Update!

A week or so ago I posted an entry about the Sexy Sesame Street Halloween costumes being sold by Yandy.com, that were apparently (and somewhat unbelievably) officially authorized by Sesame Workshop, the current stewards of the characters. You can read all about it here.

Since then there have been some new developments in the saga.

The Sexy Sesame Street costumes are part of the rampant "Sexy Blank" plague that's been sweeping the world of Halloween merchandise for the past decade of so, and closely resemble traditional hooker-wear. It's now come to light though that Sesame Workshop only authorized the design and sale of the masks, not the rest of the outfit (the model's wearing a mask?). They had no idea it would be used in conjunction with a sexy costume (although one would think a quick glance at the Yandy website would have clued them in).

Obviously the CEO of Sesame Workshop is a regular reader of my blog (as millions are) and when he read my report on the unauthorized costume, his hat flew off his head, he did a spit take and yelled into his intercom for his corporate lawyer. And then he got mad!

Needless to say Sesame Workshop is not happy with the way Yandy is using their creations and are threatening legal action unless they pull the costumes from their website immediately.

I think Nelson Muntz said it best:

From The Department Of "That Ain't Right"

Well, it's October again, and you know what that means-- Homecoming games, raking leaves, and slutty costumes clogging the aisles of the temporary Halloween stores that have popped up all around town.

The Halloween costume designers have gone all out this year in their search for innocent subject matter to slutify. No pop culture figure is immune, no matter how inappropriate. Their latest target? None other than Sesame Street.

Yep, you read right. The show that's been teaching preschoolers the alphabet and how to count since 1969 is now fodder for "sexy" adult Halloween costumes.

Don't believe me? Behold:

No need to rub your disbelieving eyes, you're seeing correctly. That's Sexy Bert & Ernie above.  I find myself filled with strange and confusing feelings as I stare at Bert's ample rack.

Dear lord, they even put Ernie's beloved Rubber Ducky on the model's booty! We're very near the end of civilization.

Oh, but that's not all. Above is Sexy Oscar The Grouch, accompanied by Sexy Elmo. But... isn't Elmo supposed to be a child Muppet, three or four years old? That's just... excuse me while I go take a shower, in a futile attempt to wash off the sleaze.

To complete this unsettling sextet we have Sexy Big Bird and Sexy Cookie Monster.

You're no doubt thinking, like I did, that these costumes are unlicensed, made by some fly-by-night outfit that hopes by the time the Sesame Workshop gets wind of them, Halloween will be long over and they'll have retired to the Bahamas. You would be wrong.

According to the Yandy.com website that sells these travesties, they are officially licensed by none other than the Sesame Workshop themselves. Did you hear what I just wrote? The people who bring you the Number 7 and the Letter C have freely and willingly whored out their characters for use as sexy Halloween costumes.

The only possible scenario I can come up with probably went a lot like this:

Sesame Workshop CEO: Jenkins, I just don't get it. Our Sesame Street merchandise sells like gangbusters to the 1 to 5 year old crowd, but it drops off sharply among teens and is practically nonexistent among adults. How can we reach the all-important 18 to 34 crowd?

Jenkins: Well sir, what if we marketed a line of merchandise for adults? Specifically a line of "sexy" Halloween costumes based on our most cherished and iconic characters?

Sesame Workshop CEO: Genius! Get the art department designing them right away! I want to see sketches by lunch time!

I have to assume that loud whirring sound you hear is Jim Henson, spinning in his grave like an industrial strength lathe...

I'm worried that at our current rate of Sluttification, Halloween costume designers are soon going to run out of pop culture figures to sex up. We're already sluttifying characters meant for children, for god's sake. After they release Sexy TeleTubbies costumes next year, the well is going to be pretty much dry. They're going to have to go meta and start sexifying costumes that have already been sexified. You know, something like SEXY Sexy Elmo.

Either that or start working through kitchen appliances (Sexy Blender) and various inanimate objects (Sexy Ball Peen Hammer). I suppose they could always turn their eye toward cars (Sexy Yugo?). Regardless, I fear the world will run out of Sluttification material no later than 2016.