It's Like Poetry— It Rhymes!

Above is a new poster for The Rise Of Gorge, er, I mean The Rise Of Skywalker, Disney's latest attempt to destroy the Star Wars franchise forever.

Note the figures of Rey and Kylo Ren in a furious lightsaber battle in the foreground, with the brooding presence of another Kylo Ren looming above them in stark red and black.

This seems familiar, but I can't quite figure out where I've seen it before...

Oh yeah, now I remember! It's a blatant swipe from the Return Of The Jedi poster from 1983!

Before anyone says anything, I get it. I know the new poster's not a swipe, but an homage to the old one. But I don't care. You have no idea how much this pisses me off.

Disney's obviously hoping if they remind the public of the Original Trilogy enough, some of its cachet will rub off on their new abomination. Nice try.

This just goes to show how desperate Disney is. They know they have another disaster on their hands, and they're doing everything in their power to generate buzz in a disinterested public. It's actually fascinating to see the depths they're willing to sink to in order to sell tickets to this fustercluck.

"I Suspect A Ruse!"

This week Disney finally began unveiling merchandise for their upcoming The Rise Of Skywalker, the final film in the Star Wars saga (until the next one). Eh, no hurry guys. The movie premieres in less than two months. No need to try and build audience interest this soon!

Among the products they revealed were a series of life-sized cardboard standees of various main and side characters. Including this gentleman, who's described only as "Admiral Ackbar's son."

Hmm... Ackbar's son you say? Not sure why they're being so coy about his moniker. I think it's pretty obvious what his name will be— "Yitza Trapp."

What Happened To The Art Of Movie Poster Design: Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker

Welp, this happened today...

Disney just released the poster for their upcoming film The Rise Of Skywalker, the "final" entry in the Star Wars franchise. Everyone who believes this is really the last one, stand on their head...

So... a lot to unpack here. When I first saw the image pop up on Facebook, I honest to god thought it was a fan poster. It's not terrible per se, but it definitely doesn't look like the work of the biggest movie studio in the world. It looks exactly like something a talented but amateur artist would post over on DeviantArt. 

I'm also getting some definite Frozen vibes from it. If they replaced Rey and Kylo with Elsa and The Other One, it would look right at home hanging above the bed of every ten year old girl in the country. In fact if I didn't know better I'd swear this was a poster for an animated feature rather than a live action movie.

In a surprise plot twist, it appears that Rey and Kylo Ren will engage in a lightsaber battle. WOW! Who could have predicted a story arc as fresh and innovative as that?

And look who's overseeing the big lightsaber battle— a cartoon version of our old friend Emperor Palpatine, last seen way back in The Return Of The Jedi. So what the hell's he doing on this poster? Well if you'll recall, The Force Awakens set up the mysterious Supreme Leader Snoke as the Big Bad of this new trilogy.

But then in the execrable The Last Jedi, talented young auteur Rian Johnson, who needs to learn how to spell his name, thought it would be funny to subvert our expectations and kill off Snoke in the middle of the goddamned movie... and not replace him with anyone else.

So short of just pretending The Last Jedi never happened, the filmmakers had little choice but to drag Palpatine out of mothballs and install him as the new villain. Jesus wept.

Lastly, for a movie called The Rise Of Skywalker, there seems to be a definite lack of Luke on the poster. Of course that may have something to do with the fact that he died in the previous film. But hey, if the Emperor can come back, so can he! Could it be a red herring, and Rey will turn out to be the titular Skywalker? Who knows? And at this point, who the hell cares?