The Jokes Are Writin' Themselves Again

For months now I've been doing my best to ignore the Orange Embarrassment that's currently occupying the White House, mostly because I'm afraid if I voiced my true feelings toward him I'd be placed on an FBI watch list.

But this is too good... no, strike that... too ridiculous to let slide. This incident perfectly demonstrates the severely addled and impaired mental state of our "president." And despite the fact I'm making light of it here, it's actually far from funny. The petty, vindictive man with his finger on the button has the emotional age of a five year old, a fact which should terrifying every American to their core.

So the US Army Corps Of Engineers is seriously considering the idea of building a sea wall around New York City. This would help protect the metropolis from future watery disasters like Hurricane Sandy, which devastated the city in 2012.

Of course the president had something to say about this, calling it "a costly, foolish & environmentally unfriendly idea that, when needed, probably won't work anyway." Plus, according to the commander-in-chief, "It will also look terrible."

So there you have it folks. A multi-billion dollar wall stretching all the way across the US/Mexico border to prevent a non-existent threat from entering our country is a grand, practically and desperately necessary idea.

But a wall to keep New York City from flooding? Well that's just silly.

Excuse me, I need to go lie down. My head just exploded.

Wall-Eyed

In the past few weeks, you may have noticed a sudden and distinct absence of anti-Trump posts here at Bob Canada's BlogWorld. Don't worry, I haven't gone over to the other side. In a flailing effort to preserve what's left of my sanity, lately I've been doing my best to ignore Glorious Leader and not comment on his shenanigans. 

But his latest statements about his pet project, the Mexican Border Wall, were too good to let go.

This week Trumpy announced that his original plan for a 2,000 mile long border wall were being significantly scaled back, saying:

"It’s a 2,000 mile border, but you don’t need 2,000 miles of wall because you have a lot of natural barriers. You have mountains. You have some rivers that are violent and vicious. You have some areas that are so far away that you don’t really have people crossing. So you don’t need that."

Trump stated that the wall will now only need to be around 700 to 900 miles long. Of course even at this reduced length, it would still be a massive undertaking that would cost billions and take years to complete.

And then Glorious Leader went completely off the rails, as he actually claimed that the wall would need to be "transparent" so that American citizens could avoid the large sacks of drugs constantly being thrown over from the Mexican side. Said Trump:

"One of the things with the wall is, you need transparency. You have to be able to see through it. As horrible as it sounds, when they throw the large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side of the wall, you don't see them– they hit you on the head with 60 pounds of stuff? It’s over. As crazy as that sounds, you need transparency through that wall."

Jesus wept. 

So how the hell is he planning on making a goddamned see-through wall? Is it gonna be made of glass? I have a horrible feeling that Trump recently watched Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, and thinks that "transparent aluminum," is a real thing.

And setting aside just how bizarre the idea of a transparent wall is, who the hell's out there casually tossing SIXTY pound bags of drugs over a twelve foot wall? The Hulk? Even if it was possible to throw a bag that heavy that high, why the hell would there be any Americans milling around our side of the wall?

You'll have to excuse me, as I need to go lie down in a dark room. I'm getting another one of my sick headaches.

Things I Would Tweet If I Tweeted: The Wall

I just realized the wall Donald Trump wants to build isn't to keep Mexicans out. It's to keep Americans IN if he wins.