Thursday, July 24, 2014

The Hobbit: Are We There Yet?

This week MGM and New Line Cinema unveiled the official poster for the upcoming The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies, the third and final chapter of The Hobbit trilogy.

Back when the series was first announced, the third film was going to be subtitled There And Back Again. Then in April 2014, New Line registered the title The Hobbit: Into The Fire, fueling speculation that they were changing the name of the film. They've apparently changed their minds again and settled on The Battle Of The Five Armies.

I have a better subtitle for them: The Hobbit: Are We There Yet? How about The Hobbit: Jesus, When Will It EndThe Hobbit: Christ, I Think My Ass Is Asleep? I know! The Hobbit: Butter Scraped Over Too Much Bread.

I noticed something odd about the poster right off the bat. See that figure at the bottom? That ain't a hobbit! That's Bard The Bowman of Lake Town. The human male who (77 year old spoiler alert!) ultimately kills Smaug the dragon.

That's right, unlike the previous two, this new poster for The Hobbit contains 100% fewer hobbits.

"The Defining Chapter" is a very odd tag line too. Wouldn't "The Final Chapter" have been more appropriate? Apparently the first two films were just placeholders and this is the only one worth your time.

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