Tuesday, January 24, 2017

It Stinks!

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about the fact that Sony's doing a "Sh*t Happens" joke on the poster for The Emoji Movie, their upcoming CGI children's film.

There've been a couple of developments since then, that need to be discussed in minute detail as if they really matter.

First of all, this week I found out that Sir Patrick Stewart is the voice of the Poop character in the movie. Yes, that Patrick Stewart. Captain Picard himself. Knight of the Order of the British Empire. Member of the Royal Shakespeare Company. And he's playing a character called "Poop." 

Apparently all that time he's spent around Seth Macfarlane has driven him fully insane. Enjoy that fat paycheck, Sir Patrick!

Secondly, after several years of disappointing theatrical flops, Sony is reportedly considering selling its movie and TV operations. Sony ended 2016 in fifth place, behind Disney (of course), Warner, Fox and Universal. 

It's not hard to see why the studio's faltering. Here's a list of the many, many blockbuster films they've released in just the past three years.

The Monuments Men  Robocop  Stalingrad
The Amazing Spider-Man 2  22 Jump Street  Think Like A Man Too
Sex Tape  The Equalizer  Fury  The Interview  Chappie
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2  Aloha  Pixels  Ricki and the Flash
Hotel Transylvania 2  The Walk  Goosebumps  Freaks of Nature
Spectre  The Night Before  Concussion  The 5th Wave
The Brothers Grimsby  Money Monster  Angry Birds  The Shallows
Ghostbusters 2016   Sausage Party  The Magnificent Seven
Inferno  Passengers

Holy Crap! Now that's a terrible lineup. There may be one or two decent films in there, but 95% of them range from mediocre to downright horrendous. How the hell can one studio consistently put out so much utter crap?

A source at Sony claims the studio hasn't committed to a sale just yet, because they're waiting to see how The Emoji Movie performs at the box office (!!!). Apparently they honestly think they have a hit on their hands, and that the film'll be a franchise starter that'll miraculously save the company.

You know you're truly in trouble when you're banking the future of your company on a pile of talking sh*t!

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