Saturday, October 26, 2019

With Friends Like These...

Welp, for good or ill (mostly ill), the new Star Wars: The Rise Of Gorge, er, I mean Skywalker trailer dropped this week. Eh, what's the hurry, Disney? The movie premieres in less than two months. Why rush things?

Predictably, the internet lost its collective mind over the new trailer. YouTube was filled with hundreds of reaction videos, featuring fans screaming in ecstasy or welling up in tears over every single scene.

As for myself, the only emotion it generated was boredom. Disney killed my love for Star Wars long ago, and I'm just done with it. The trailer had no effect on me whatsoever, as I couldn't possibly care less what happens in the new film. I haven't even decided if I'm gonna bother seeing it or not.

After the trailer premiered, fans meticulously pored over every single frame, looking for clues as to the plot. Oddly enough, there are numerous shots of ships and locations, but few scenes that hint at the actual plot. This lends credence to the rumors that the movie is in serious trouble, and Disney's still frantically reshooting it in a flailing effort to cobble together a coherent story.

But I digest.

There's exactly one scene in the trailer that features an actual minor plot point, involving everyone's least favorite droid C-3PO.

We see some kind of space gremlin has apparently taken the back off 3PO's head and is soldering wires to upgrade him to HBO or something.

Poe Dameron then does a pretty impressive Jeff Goldblum impression, as he says, "What uh... what are you doin' there, 3PO?"

The golden droid then gazes at the assembled group and says, "Taking one last look, sir... at my friends."

What the hell?

I'm assuming they're getting ready to wipe 3PO's memory here for some reason, or send him on some suicide mission, and this is supposed to be some tear-jerking Death Of Dobby-type moment. Or one to rival the death of Tony Stark. When I saw it though all I could think was, "Who the hell's he talking about?"

NONE of those people in that middle image are his friends! I don't think he's ever shared a single scene or word of dialogue with Poe, Rey or Finn. And even if he did, I'd hardly call them his friends. They're all casual acquaintances at best!

It's likely that droids have electronic brains that can handle billions of calculations per second. If that's true, then maybe the five seconds he's spent with this group feels like years to him, so he thinks of them as friends, despite the fact that they've never spoken to him before.

I like to think that when 3PO mentions his friends, he's actually shut off his photorecptors and is replaying a recording of these three in his head, completely ignoring the mooks in front of him.

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