Happy Birthday Roy Batty!

If you haven't already heard, Roy Batty, Nexus-6 replicant, was born today. Born, constructed, decanted-- whatever the hell you call it when a replicant is created.

Mr. Batty is a highly intelligent replicant, skilled at combat with both a Physical and Mental Level of A. A combat model, Batty will most likely spend his short four year life span in off world military service. 

So, congratulations, Roy! It won't be long before you'll be witnessing those attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, while you watch C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. Hope your birthday's a good one. Here's hoping it won't be lost like "tears in the rain!"

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There's no denying that Blade Runner is one of the better sci-fi films of the past 30 years, but man, has any other major sci-fi film ever been so off in its predictions about the future?

The movie was made in 1982, but takes place in the far-off year of 2019. I don't know what the hell the producers were thinking, but even thirty seven years was far too short a time for all the advances in the movie to come to pass. According to the film, in just three short years we'll have: • Replicants:  Artificially created organic beings that are almost indistinguishable from real humans. To make matters even worse, Roy Batty is a Nexus-6 model, which implies there've been 5 previous versions in the series. Looks like you've got your work cut out for you, science! • Animoids: By 2019 many of the world's animal species will be extinct or ownership will be outlawed, so we'll have organic or robotic replicas, which, like replicants, are indistinguishable from the real thing. • Flying cars: The dream of every rush hour commuter is sadly still decades away, if it ever happens at all. The bigger question is SHOULD it ever happen? We can't even keep from crashing our cars into each other here on the ground; imagine the collateral damage that would occur from a mid-air auto crash. • Offworld Colonies: This is the biggest blunder in the entire film. In the movie there are numerous ads urging the populace to start their lives over on the offworld colonies. We couldn't even get to the moon today if we had to, much less set up a self-sufficient colony on a planet in another solar system. I doubt this could happen in the next hundred years, much less three. And those are just off the top of my head. I'm sure if I sat down and watched the film again there'd be even more impossibilities. Would it have killed them to have set the movie in 2119?

Happy 25th Birthday, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Can you believe it was 25 years ago today that Star Trek: The Next Generation premiered? Yep, it first aired back on September 29, 1987. 25 years! What the hell's going on with the flow of time lately? 

ST:TNG was the highest rated syndicated show ever, averaging around 20 million viewers per episode. That was more than some prime time series generated at the time, and far more than any series could ever hope to achieve today (to be fair, some stations aired the show twice a week, which naturally doubled the ratings). It racked up a whopping 18 Emmy Awards and was the only syndicated program to ever be nominated for an Emmy for Best Dramatic Series. Not bad for a show about people exploring outer space in their pajamas.

I was a huge fan of the series back in the day (by that of course I mean I was an avid enthusiast of the show, not that I myself was huge). After all, this was the first brand new live action Star Trek content to be aired in almost two decades! I dutifully recorded it every week on my trusty VCR (ask your parents, kids) and spent many a paycheck on Trek related merchandise.

The series featured a great cast (especially Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner), top notch writing and for the most part, slick state of the art special effects.

ST:TNG gave us many new and memorable alien races: the greedy, capitalistic Ferengi, the Nazi-like Cardassians (not Kardashians!) and best of all, the relentless, unstoppable Borg.

It also took the Klingons, who were pretty much one-dimensional villains in the Original Series and greatly expanded their culture, making them one of the more interesting races on the show.

They even managed to feature a few guest appearances from Original Series characters, specifically McCoy, Spock, Sarek and Scotty.

Like the Original Series, ST:TNG used sci-fi to examine various controversial topics such as racism, terrorism, assisted suicide, child abuse, homosexuality and torture.

Despite all the accolades and my love for the show, even I have to admit that it wasn't perfect. Many of the First Season episodes are dreadful and a chore to sit through. The Second Season was better, but was marred and cut short by a lengthy writer's strike. In fact the final episode of Season Two strayed firmly into Family Ties territory as it gave us the first ever clip show in the history of Trek! The series finally hit its stride in Season 3 and from then on gave us a shuttlecraft full of memorable episodes. 

Part of me has to wonder: If it had been a network show, would they have given the series three full seasons to get its bearings? I'm thinking probably not.

ST:TNG also suffered from a large number of just plain dull characters. Dr. Crusher? Counselor Troi? I'm dozing just typing their names. For seven seasons all Counselor Troi ever did was sit in a chair with her arms crossed and say, "I sense great anger..." Her only memorable characteristic was that she liked chocolate. How fascinating. And other than her wildly inappropriate name I don't think we ever learned anything at all about Dr. Crusher. 

Even Geordi LaForge was pretty bland when you think about it. The only interesting thing about his character was that he was blind and wore a cool vision-enhancing VISOR.

The original Star Trek had some very vibrant and distinct characters, which made for some dynamic interactions. Funny that ST:TNG's three most interesting characters-- Picard, Data and Worf-- are pretty much analogues of Kirk, Spock and McCoy.

A good part of the blame for the dull characters has to lie with series creator Gene Roddenberry. Mr. Roddenberry had the lofty notion that by the 24th Century, humanity will have advanced to the point where everyone will get along. That's a very nice sentiment, but... it ain't ever gonna happen. If humans haven't learned to live together in the past 5,000 years, there's no reason to think it'll happen in the next 300.

Nevertheless, Roddenberry was adamant that there be no conflict between crew members on the Enterprise. Apparently he never took any creative writing courses through the mail like I did or he'd have known that conflict is the basis of all drama. Without it, all you've got is a bunch of people sitting around holding hands, smiling and singing Kumbaya. Pleasant enough I suppose, but it sure makes for pretty dull TV.

Roddenberry had some other peculiar ideas for the show. He didn't want any of the alien races from the Original Series to appear on ST:TNG. That meant no Vulcans, Klingons or Romulans; fan-favorites the audience would be expecting to see. Luckily he was overruled on that one, else Lt. Worf would never have been a part of the crew.

He also toyed with the idea of not having a ship in the new series at all. He thought that by the 24th Century technology would have advanced to the point in which the crew would use some sort of "super transporter" to just teleport anywhere in the galaxy. He was outvoted on that one as well (no doubt by studio lawyers who'd happened to see the movie Stargate).

Some of his ideas were just downright kinky. He supposedly wanted the males of the newly created Ferengi race to be incredibly well-endowed, sporting enormous schlongs up to two feet long (!). Fortunately one of the producers took him aside and pointed out that the series was airing on regular TV, not HBO or Cinemax.  

The series also relied much too heavily on the ship breaking down in order to provide tension. In practically every episode the B-plot involved some piece of ship's technology malfunctioning and putting the crew in danger. Sure, Kirk's Enterprise broke down now and then, but Picard's ship was worse than an old used car. It became a crutch for the writers whenever they couldn't think of any other way to fill the time slot.

ST:TNG provided me with many memorable and sometimes shocking moments over the years. Remember that the series aired before the internet cropped up, in an era in which you didn't have to work at avoiding spoilers. Back then the only way to find out what was going to happen was to just sit down and watch the show.

The third season finale, in which Captain Picard is captured and assimilated by the Borg and Commander Riker gives the order to fire on the Borg ship-- absolutely floored me. I was not expecting that and had no idea such a shocking denouement was coming. I spent a long and anxious summer waiting for the follow up to air in the fall. 

The problem with their cliffhanger episodes though was that the setups were always way better than their lackluster resolutions the next season. To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, "You know how to set up the cliffhanger, you just don't know how to resolve the cliffhanger."

As much as I loved the show, watching it (or rather trying to watch it) was a grueling chore, due to my local TV station. It was just plain hard work to even find the show where I lived. In my hometown ST:TNG was usually relegated to the wee hours of Sunday morning, in time slots normally occupied by Aerosol Toupee and Psychic Hotline infomercials.

One week it might be on at 11 pm, the next at 1:30 am. Sometimes it would even pop up in the afternoon. You just never knew. I used to record the show every week but there was no way I could just set the timer on the VCR and forget it, because there was no guarantee as to when it might air. Many's the night I would stay up until 1 or even 2 am waiting for it to start so I could hit the record button (and have to go to work at 6 am the next day!).

I never understood the local station's attitude toward the show. This wasn't some execrable drivel like Mama's Family, this was an award winning, critically acclaimed series that regularly got higher ratings than some network shows. Plus it had a built in audience of rabid fans. So why the shabby treatment?

Sometimes I wonder if the station's programming director secretly hated the show and deliberately aired it at such a dismal hour in hope that the ratings would sag and he could justify canceling it. Why else would you pay for an no-doubt expensive syndicated program and then air it when no one was awake?

Ah well, that's all in the past now. 25 years in the past, to be exact. Thanks to home video and the internet I can watch the show anytime I want.

So Happy Birthday, Star Trek: The Next Generation. I'll close with a joke: What did Captain Picard say when he took his sewing machine to the repair shop? Make it sew! Haw!

Happy 50th Birthday, Jetsons!

Happy belated 50th Birthday to The Jetsons!

It seems impossible but The Jetsons first aired fifty years ago on Sunday, September 23, 1962. It aired Sunday nights on ABC and was the first series ever to be broadcast in color (even though few TV stations at that time could transmit color signals and even fewer viewers had color sets). There were 24 original episodes that were shown in prime time, and they've been airing in syndication pretty much ever since.

There was a second series of episodes produced in 1985. Do yourself a favor and just skip those. They tried to update the series (how do you update a series that's set in the future?) and even shoehorned an annoying new alien pet named Orbity into the mix. As you might expect, it was awful. Avoid at all costs.

Like most kids I loved dinosaurs, so you'd think The Flintstones would be my favorite. Hardly. Even as a kid I recognized that they were nothing more than The Honeymooners with dinosaurs. Plus I really hated when they'd do that same corny joke every week, in which they'd show some prehistoric animal working the insides of some stone-age appliance who'd say, "You think you've got a tough job!"

No, The Jetsons were much more to my liking. I wanted to live in their world so badly I could taste it. Flying cars, robot maids, wall sized TV screens, a three day work week and all that gorgeous Googie architecture. It was right up my alley.

Over the last decade several filmmakers have expressed interest in directing a live action version (allegedly starring William H. Macy as George), but so far nothing's come of it. Given how The Flintstones movies turned out, that's probably for the best.

The show was set in 2062 (a century after it premiered on TV), so we've only got fifty short years to invent everything seen in the series. At that rate the world of The Jetsons will become reality just about the time I kick the bucket. Typical.

Happy Birthday, Christopher Lee!

May 27 was the birthday of one of my favorite actors, Sir Christopher Lee. He turned 90 years old this year and is still going strong.

Lee's career has spanned decades, and he's starred in 275 films since 1946, making him the Guinness World Record holder for most film acting roles!

He's played everything from the monsters to Sherlock Holmes to Bond villain. He was of course Saruman in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and his Count Dooku, silly name aside, was one of the few highlights of the Star Wars prequels.

His most famous and iconic role is no doubt Hammer Studio's Count Dracula, which he played eight times. In Dracula: Prince of Darkness, he reportedly thought the dialogue was so bad that he refused to speak it on camera, instead spending the entire film hissing and glaring (to great effect, I might add).

Lee wanted to quit the Dracula films after the second one, but according to him the producers "emotionally blackmailed" him, telling him how many people would be put out of work if he didn't agree to star in the films. He would eventually relent and show up each time. His blackmailing was our gain, I suppose.

I can't think of any other actor who's played three of my all time favorite iconic movie monsters. If only he could have squeezed a werewolf and a gill man in there while he was with Hammer... (Note: I'm aware that he was in the werewolf film The Howling II, but that was far from an iconic role).

Lee is also a war hero, speaks eight different languages and is an accomplished singer. Geez, I feel productive if I do the dishes AND take out the trash all in the same day.

When Peter Jackson began filming The Hobbit this year, Lee desperately wanted to reprise his role of Saruman in the two films, but didn't think he could make the long and arduous flight to New Zealand at his age (as someone who spent 27 hours in a plane getting to China, I can sympathize). Peter Jackson apparently wanted him in the film just as badly, so he took a film crew to England and shot all of Lee's scenes there! Cool!

He's also the only Lord of the Rings cast member who actually met J.R.R. Toklein, was on Wing's Band On The Run album cover, and even hosted Saturday Night Live!

I'm worn out just reading his bio! And I haven't even mentioned that he's a British Knight, is descended from Italian nobility and has been married to a model since 1961. Here's to another 90 years!

Use The Senior Citizen Discount, Luke!

This can't possibly be true. Actor Mark Hamill turned 60 today. That's right, Luke Skywalker is now five short years away from retirement and Medicare.

I vividly remember sitting in the movie theater back in 1977, watching young Luke whine about going into Tochi Station to pick up some power converters.

Sigh... I need to go sit down before I fall and break a hip.

One More Reason To Love Lucy

August 6 was the 100th anniversary of the birth of Lucille Ball. You may not realize it, but if you're a Star Trek fan, you owe her a big thank you. If it hadn't been for Lucy, there would be no Trek.

After Gene Roddenberry created Star Trek, he began shopping it around to various studios around Hollywood. They all turned him down, except for one: Desilu, the studio formed by Lucy and husband Dezi Arnaz. By the time Roddenberry pitched his idea to Desilu, Lucy and Dezi were divorced and she was the sole owner of the studio. Lucy must have seen something she liked in the series and gave it the green light. The rest, as they say, is history.

Star Trek was an expensive show to produce and as hard as it is to believe today, suffered from dismal ratings during its original run. The Desilu bean counters pleaded with Lucy to cancel it (along with Mission: Impossible, another expensive Desilu show), but she refused, saying that she liked it. As Lucy was one of the most successful, shrewd and powerful women in television, you didn't say no to her. Perhaps she knew a good thing when she saw it. Maybe she saw the value in a product that could be syndicated. Or maybe she thought Spock was sexy. We may never know.

By the end of Star Trek's second season, Lucy decided to sell Desilu. She sold the studio (and all its TV properties) to Paramount, which was the beginning of the end for Star Trek. Paramount kept it on the air for another season before ultimately pulling the plug.

You know the rest of the story. Star Trek became a huge hit in syndication, often scoring higher ratings than first run shows. That led to a worldwide army of rabid fans, a series of movies, FOUR more TV series and a merchandising empire rivaled by no other.

And to think we owe it all to a dizzy redhead.

Birthday Boy

Henry came downstairs and saw Junior sitting at the kitchen table, wearing a party hat. He sighed deeply, as he'd already done many times that week.

"OK," said Henry, "I'll bite. What's with the hat?" His son Junior ignored him and shoveled another fistful of cake into his mouth. Marion, Henry's wife, beamed proudly.

"Why, we're having a party for Little Junior," said Marion.

"Really? What's the occasion? He's eligible for Social Security?" said Henry.

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Marion. "Today is Junior's birthday, and you know it!"

"Cheezus H. Rice," said Hank. "Don't you think "Little Junior's" getting a bit big for a birthday party?"

"If my little boy wants a birthday party, then I'm going to see to it that he gets one," said Marion, her voice breaking the way it always did before one of her crying jags.

"Marion, your little boy's 36 years old! For God's sake, do they even sell that many candles?"

For the record, I'm officially done with birthdays. It just seems silly to me for adults to celebrate them. Sure, it's fun having cake, presents and a party when you're a kid, but once you get past 21, it's time to give it a rest. No adult wants to be reminded that they're one year closer to death.

Drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet.



Here's the sketch for Birthday Boy. His right hand is missing because I started too close to the edge of the paper. When I was drawing him for real, I couldn't think of anything to put in his hand. I thought about a cake or some kind of party favor, but at the last minute settled on a cupcake.

Birthday Card

I made this card for my sister's birthday. She was quite touched by it.

Buying greeting cards is for suckers! It's much more economical, not to mention simpler, to brainstorm a concept, write and edit the copy, design the layout, produce the illustrations and print out your own cards. Easy as pie!

The front of the card was drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet. Then I imported it into InDesign, where the card was laid out and inner text was added.