Showing posts with label star trek. Show all posts
Showing posts with label star trek. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 10, 2026

Life Imitates Trek: WWIII

I don't want to alarm everyone, but according to the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode Encounter At Farpoint, WWIII began (will begin) in the far off year of... 2026 (!).

The war involved numerous nations, including the United States and the Eastern Coalition, whatever that is. There were several nuclear strikes, which resulted in 600 million casualties. The war ultimately ended in 2053.

Based on the fact that the Convicted Felon who currently inhabits the White House just launched an illegal war against Iran, it looks like the Trek timeline is proceeding right on schedule.

But hey, there is one small sliver of hope-- if we can manage to survive WWIII, then the Vulcans make first contact with Earth on April 5, 2063. That event marked Earth's inclusion into the galactic clubhouse, and spurred the formation of the United Federation Of Planets. So we've got that to look forward to...

Sunday, July 7, 2024

Screen Saver

Saw this old Far Side comic today, and it occurred to me that Zsa Zsa's head was probably the least bizarre thing the crew of the Enterprise ever saw on their viewscreen.

You had your tunnel of sharp knives, that would slice of the ship if it veered off course by even a degree...

And then the ghostly, glowing green hand of Apollo...

Followed by Apollo's laurel-leafed head itself.

And who could forget the eerie head of Balok, which turned out to be a puppet that was much better looking than Clint Howard.

And then there was whatever the hell's happening here.

Of course the all-time hands down most bizarre thing they ever saw on the main viewer was this image of Space Lincoln, floating serenely through the void on some sort of throne.

Seeing this, it occurs to me I may have been too hard on Star Trek: Discovery!

Tuesday, August 8, 2023

RIP Star Trek

Welp, it's official. Star Trek is dead.

Last week I posted that the latest Trek series, Strange New Worlds, was pumping out a musical episode, of all things. One in which the crew is hit with a space anomaly that forces them to communicate through song and dance. No, really!

Astonishingly, the episode featured a scene with what can only be described as a Klingon boy band, complete with synchronized dance moves and auto-tuned lyrics. 

Jesus wept.

Yes, I know Star Trek did its share of "lighthearted" episodes in the past (such as The Trouble With Tribbles and I, Mudd). This musical episode crosses a line though.

Ah well. It was fun while it lasted. There're hundreds of hours of previous Trek I can still watch.

RIP Star Trek: 1966 - 2023.

So now I can toss Star Trek onto the ever-growing scrap heap of properties I used to love that have been ruined, along with Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, The Walking Dead, Doctor Who, The Terminator and the MCU.

As usual, Mike & Rich said it best:

Tuesday, August 1, 2023

So It's Come To This: A Star Trek Musical Episode

So it's come to this— Star Trek's doing a musical episode.

In the upcoming August 3rd episode of Strange New Worlds, the Enterprise crew encounters a space anomaly that alters their brains, forcing them to communicate exclusively through song and dance.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

It's a fact of life whenever a TV show goes on for long enough, it'll eventually pump out a musical episode. It happened with Xena: Warrior Princess, Ally McBeal, Moonlighting, Buffy The Vampire Slayer (!), Scrubs, Psych (!!), 7th Heaven, Grey's Anatomy (?), OZ (!!!), That 70s Show, Fringe (??), Supernatural, Supergirl and The Flash (among many others). It's inevitable.

Look, I get it— lots of TV stars got their start in musical theater, and are quite talented in that arena. But just because the casts of these shows CAN sing and dance doesn't mean they SHOULD. 

A musical episode just feels too jarring and out of place in the Star Trek Universe, in my opinion. Can you imagine Shatner, Nimoy and Kelley singing and gadding about on the bridge?

Actually I guess I can!*

OK, that cover just reinforces my point here. If Star Trek's cribbing from MAD Magazine now, how are we supposed to take the show seriously after this?

Ah, but the musical thing is only the tip of the iceberg! A couple weeks ago Strange New Worlds did a crossover episode with another Trek show show— Lower Decks. Which, as you're no doubt aware, is an animated series!

In the episode, an accident throws Ensigns Mariner and Boimler back in time to Captain Pike's Enterprise— where the animated pair appear in live action for the first time.

Yeah, it was a fun outing, packed full of references and in-jokes for long-time Trekkies, yadda yadda. Thing is though, these kinds of gimmick episodes usually appear toward the END of a series. You know, after the writers have exhausted the premise and are desperately trying to come up with new ideas.

Strange New World isn't even through its second season yet! And they're already pulling out the Musical Episode? Oy.

I've watched a couple episodes of Strange New Worlds before deciding it just wasn't for me. I can't wait to not watch this outing as well.

*Thanks to my pal Ted Parsnips for reminding me that MAD cover was a thing!

Saturday, July 22, 2023

A Joke Twelve Years In The Making

Wayyyyy back in 2011, AMT released a new model kit of the USS Enterprise from Star Trek. Note that this was the exact same kit they'd released numerous times before, but this time there was a twist. They molded it in glow in the dark plastic, and said the ship was from the TOS episode The Tholian Web (in which the ship did indeed glow green for a few seconds).

I thought this was one of the most blatant and transparent cash grabs I'd ever seen, mocking it mercilessly on my blog. I even came up with several other ridiculous Enterprise variations that AMT could pump out. 

Among them was this ship from the episode Who Mourns For Adonais, in which the Greek god Apollo captured the Enterprise by clamping onto it with a forcefield shaped like a giant ghostly green hand. 

I said all AMT would have to do is sculpt a hand in green translucent plastic and they could reuse the same ship molds again. Instant cash!

Welp, it took twelve long years, but my little joke finally became a reality. This week Hallmark premiered their new line of ornaments for 2023. Among them was the Enterprise— with the giant, ghostly green hand of Apollo clamped onto the front of it!

OK, so it's an Xmas ornament and not a model kit, but... close enough!

Now if only I could use my clairvoyant powers for something useful, like divining the PowerBall numbers!

Friday, May 13, 2022

Strange New Show

As regular readers know, I've been a Star Trek fan for the vast majority of my life— and I have the books, blu rays and action figures to prove it! I loved the Original Series of course, but my fandom really kicked in with The Next Generation. It was everything I ever wanted in a Trek series, and I anxiously waited for each new episode to air back in the day.

That's why it pains me to see how far the franchise has fallen with NuTrek. Gone are the epic adventures, metaphorical plots and social commentary of the various old series, as they've been replaced with identity politics, maudlin histrionics and nonsensical "End Of The Universe" serialized storylines.

I gave Star Trek: Discovery (or STD, as I like to call it) a fair shot, as I watched the first three episodes before realizing it was a woke nightmare that wasn't made for me. Picard (or Puke-Hard) was somehow even worse. It was a massive dumpster fire, and I only got fifteen minutes into the pilot episode before I noped out.

It's clear to me that the current crop of creators don't understand Star Trek or what made it work in the past. In fact I hate these new series so much that I consider them to be nothing more than expensive fan fiction, which can be safely ignored. 

That's why when CBS first announced Strange New Worlds, I had absolutely ZERO expectations, figuring it would just be more of the same. For some reason I decided to give it a shot though, and watched the first episode this past weekend.

So how was it? Welp, I can't believe I'm saying this, but... I didn't hate it? In fact it actually wasn't that bad! Believe me, no one's more surprised than I am to hear me saying those words.

Anson Mount is terrific at Captain Pike, lending the character a sense of authority mixed with some badly needed humor. Rebecca Romijn was great as the efficient and capable Number One as well.

But then there's Ethan Peck as Spock— arguably the most important character in the series. Oy, gevalt! He's EXTREMELY miscast in the role, as he seems to lack the talent and gravitas to pull off such a demanding character. I don't think he quite understands Spock or Vulcans in general, as he seems to think "emotionless" means "dull and boring."

At this point Danny DeVito would have been a better choice for Spock! He'd certainly have been more interesting in the part! Heck, even Todd Haberkorn would have been better— he does a great job as Spock in Star Trek Continues— and that's a fan-made series!

I'm worried that this Spock misfire could end up harming the series in the long run.

The rest of the crew didn't have much of a chance to show their stuff yet, but so far I'm not seeing any potential problems. Hopefully they'll get more to do in subsequent episodes.

From what I gather, this series will be more episodic than the previous serialized ones. I think that's a wonderful idea, as it harkens back to TOS and TNG. I know ongoing storylines are all the rage these days, but there's nothing wrong with good old fashioned standalone plots.

STD and Picard also suffered from an overabundance of "Threat To The Entire Galaxy" arcs. If you blow up the universe every week, the audience is eventually gonna get bored. Strange New Worlds' back to basics approach seems like the way to go to me.

I've noticed another potential red flag, this one concerning Captain Pike. As all good trekkies know, Pike's character eventually suffers a horrific accident involving exposure to delta rays, leaving him a crippled husk that trundles around in a motorized chair.

This NuTrek version of Pike knows about his grim future, and is understandably weirded out by it. Unfortunately the writers milk this for all it's worth, as he sees visions of his maimed body at least THREE times in the first episode alone. 

I get how something like that could affect a man, but if he's going to freak out about it every time he sees himself in a reflective surface, it's gonna get old reeeeeeeeeal fast.

So far Strange New Worlds isn't near as insufferably woke as STD, but there are still a few hints of it. Take the character of Hemmer, for example. He's an Aenar— an alien species who are all blind. Of course since this is 2022, it's required that Hemmer be played by an actual visually-impaired actor. 

I don't begrudge the guy a gig, but... why is it people are only allowed to portray what they are now? What happened to, you know, acting? I shudder to think what NuTrek would do with Geordi LaForge if his character was created today.

Strange New Worlds is also lousy with continuity errors that contradict previously established canon— something which has plagued ALL the NuTrek series from the beginning. I really don't understand why they insisted on setting these shows in the Prime Universe, instead of just doing a hard reboot or saying they take place in an alternate timeline.

That's the way I'm handing this show— it's set in a parallel universe. It's the only way I can watch it without my head exploding.

So far The Orville is still the only real Star Trek we have right now. Strange New Worlds has potential, and I like what I've seen so far. But we're only one episode in— my opinion of it could change any second, depending on how the rest of the season plays out. I'm cautiously optimistic, but I'm not gettin' my hopes up too high.

Better enjoy this series while you can, because even with all its faults, I have a feeling this is probably the best that NutTrek is ever going to be. 

Friday, April 30, 2021

It's The Most Logical Meal Of The Day

Check out this vintage advertisement! Spock seems uncharacteristically surprised to find out his agent's roped him into this publicity stunt featuring "Breakfast With Eight Lucky Ladies."

According to the ad, this festive occasion took place at the Three Crowns Restaurant in the Hilton Hotel, which is presumably in New York City. Here's what the Three Crowns looked like— we;;, decades ago, at least. Tres chic! Or is it? It just looks like a crowded, noisy cafeteria to me. 

I wonder if Nimoy wore his Spock makeup to this shindig? After all, that's what the Eight Lucky Ladies fell in love with, right? They'd likely have been disappointed if plain old round-eared, horizontal-eyebrowed Leonard Nimoy strolled in.

I can only imagine how awkward this breakfast must have been. Poor Nimoy had to sit there and try to think of something to talk about with eight strangers for an entire breakfast. Sounds like he— and the bevy of ladies— had to ride in a parade float as well.

The ad says the big day was on February 1, 1969. That was the final year of the series! The last episode aired just a few months later, on June 3. I wonder if the cast had gotten the cancelation notice yet? If so, that would have made this get-together DOUBLY awkward!

Thursday, April 22, 2021

Size Matters!

When I first saw 2001: A Space Odyssey, I naturally assumed the Discovery One (the main ship in the film) was massive. And why not? Director Stanley Kubrick deliberately shot the highly detailed model to make it look impressively huge, as it slowwwwwly crawled into frame over a full minute of screen time.

Heck, even its profile suggests length, as the ship looks like it's a mile long.

Turns out I was completely wrong!

Today I found out that Discovery One was surprisingly dinky! Here it is next to the original USS Enterprise for comparison. 

The Enterprise was (will be?) 947 feet long, while the Discovery is scant 400 feet! Less than half the length of the Enterprise! Who knew?

Even more amazing, the entire habitable area of the Discovery One is in that tiny ball at the front! The rest of the ship is made up of cargo containers and the engine module!


Mind officially blown!

Sunday, August 30, 2020

Give It Away, Give It Away, Give It Away Now

This Week In Dumb Ideas, CBS announced they're planning to air Star Trek: Discovery on regular network TV.

OK, for those of you who're blissfully unaware of Discovery (how I envy you), the series premiered in 2017 on the CBS All Access streaming service. It was meant to be their crown jewel, and draw huge numbers of subscribers to the platform (Narrator: It didn't).

Because the show didn't air on broadcast TV, it wasn't bound by network rules. It didn't have to conform to the standard forty two minute content limit for one hour shows, so episodes could be as long as they needed to be. Some were fifty minutes, some sixty five, etc. 

Discovery also didn't have to worry about censorship, so the writers immediately began peppering the series with tons of "shits" and "fucks." Words which up to that point had been alien to Star Trek.

Cut to 2020 and the end of the world.

Thanks to the pandemic, all TV series were forced to shut down production for the past sixth months. That's created quite a problem for the CBS television network, as their new fall schedule is full of holes.

In order to plug one of those unsightly gaps, CBS has decided to air Season 1 of Discovery on regular over the air network TV. That sounds like a GREAT idea!

First of all, Discovery's three years old at this point. Everyone who wants to see it probably has by now. So CBS is basically airing reruns. Why not dust off old M*A*S*H and Dallas episodes and air those two while they're at it?

Secondly, originally Discovery aired exclusively on CBS All Access, which ain't free. It's a paid streaming service. So people who shelled out their hard-earned cash to watch it are gonna be pissed now that it's showing on up free TV.

Lastly, the show's gonna have to be heavily edited for broadcast TV. As I said above, the episodes vary in length, so they're gonna have to cut out a ton of content to whittle 'em down to forty two minutes. There are no ad breaks on All Access either, so Discovery episodes don't ever "fade to commercial." I expect the breaks are gonna be clumsily and abruptly inserted between scenes.

Lastly, there's all the charming profanity that's so prevalent in the series. All those totally necessary shits & fucks will most DEFINITELY have to be edited out for network TV.* So how will they handle this? Cut out any scenes with profanity altogether, or bleep the offending words?

Add it all up, and these numerous edits are gonna make the already mediocre series even MORE unwatchable. CBS must really be desperate for content if they think this is a good idea.

* Yes, I'm aware that profanity's nothing new in Trek. Spock began cursing in The Voyage Home, and Data uttered a worried, "Oh, shit!" in Generations. In both cases though, this cursing was seen as out of the ordinary. Spock was attempting to "fit in" with primitive 20th Century natives, and Data was having trouble adjusting to his emotion chip. It wasn't seen as the norm.

Monday, May 18, 2020

Somebody Make It Stop!

This week CBS— who currently owns Star Trek— announced that they're not done desecrating and mutilating the franchise.

In addition to Star Trek: Discovery (aka STD) and Star Trek: Picard (aka STP), the streaming service unveiled their plans for yet a third series, titled Star Trek: Strange New Worlds.

The new series will reportedly feature the adventures of Captain Pike, Spock and Number One aboard the Enterprise, ten years before the days of James T. Kirk.

Jesus Christ, CBS! Haven't you already defiled the corpse of Star Trek enough at this point? Must you keep on sucking it dry until there's nothing left? Have you no sense of decency, sirs, at long last? Have you no sense of decency?

For the record, I gave STD a shot (heh), as I watched the first three episodes before deciding it wasn't made for me. I tried to do the same with Picard, but couldn't make it all the way through the first episode. 

As a result I didn't bother with Season 2 of STD, but I did catch a few online clips of actors Anson Mount as Captain Pike and Rebecca Romijn as Number One (the less said about Emo Spock, the better). I liked what I saw of them, as the two played somewhat recognizable versions of their Original Series namesakes.

Unfortunately, two decent characters do not a series make, and they couldn't lift STD from the morass into which modern day Trek has sunk.

These shows may be labeled Star Trek, but take my word for it, they're as far from Gene Roddenberry's vision as humanly possible— somewhere on the outskirts of the Delta Quadrant.

That's why I have absolutely zero hope for Strange New Worlds. Especially if noted Hack Alex Kurtzman is involved. He's the visionary writer/producer/director who brought us such classics as Transformers, Star Trek (2009), Star Trek Into Darkness, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and The Mummy (2017). Nuff said!

There's no doubt in my mind that Strange New Worlds will be more of the same, emphasizing action and space battles over good storytelling as it tromps all over established Trek canon. Feh!

If STD and Picard represents the best CBS can do with the Trek franchise, then I wish they'd just let it die. At this point I consider these new shows to be nothing but elaborate and expensive fan fiction, to be ignored. I'll stick with reruns of the Original Series and TNG, thanks.

Saturday, February 15, 2020

Orange You Done Yet?

I've been trying my best to stop talking about the Orange Embarrassment in the White House and just ignore him, but it's darned near impossible.

I was watching the original Star Trek series this week, and noticed something interesting...

Apparently trump isn't human after all! It appears he's from Gamma Trianguli VI, the planet seen in Trek episode The Apple!

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Space Forced

Jesus wept. The embarrassment-in-chief just won't let his Space Force boondoggle die. 

Last week he gave the world a sneak peak of the official uniform of his newly-minted Space Force. Naturally, social media wiseacres immediately sprang into action, wondering why a space-based military branch had uniforms featuring standard issue forest camouflage. 

Wouldn't it make more sense if their uniforms were black with white dots? Or a pattern with planets and comets on it, much like a traditional wizard's robe?


trumpenstein really doubled down on the Space Force news this week though, no doubt in a flailing effort to draw attention from his ongoing impeachment trial.

In his latest tweet, he unveiled the new official logo for the United States Space Force.

Hmm... I feel like I've seen this logo someplace before, but I can't quite think where...

Ah, there it is. It's the Starfleet Command logo from Star Trek.

Jesus Jetskiing Christ, trump! You just blatantly stole the Starfleet Command logo. It's the same shape, it's got the same wraparound text along the ring, there's an arrowhead in the middle against a starry background... You even swiped the goddamned swooshing star, for frak's sake! It literally could not look more like the Trek version if it tried.

Word to the wise, flump. Keep your sweaty orange paws off of Star Trek. Despite the fact you look not unlike an alien from that universe, Trek is off limits!

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Today In Great News: Star Trek Edition

This week director Quentin Tarantino announced that he's having second thoughts about directing a Star Trek film. In an interview with Consequence Of Sound, whatever that is, Tarantino said, "I think I’m steering away from Star Trek, but I haven’t had an official conversation with those guys yet.”

I like to think I speak for all Trek fans when I respond with a hearty, "WHEW!" We definitely dodged a hale of bullets here, guys!

Star Trek's already in bad enough shape as it is these days. We don't need the director of Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction turning it into an R-rated kill-fest. How about letting someone who actually understands the property have a go at it for a change?

Saturday, December 14, 2019

R.I.P. Rene Auberjonois

More sad Trek news this week— actor Rene Auberjonois died on December 8, at the age of 79. 

Auberjonois (which is pronounced "Awe-bear-zhen-wa") was a hard-working character actor who appeared in dozens of films, guest starred on hundreds of TV shows and was a prolific voice artist in many animated series.

He got his first big break playing Father Mulcahy in the film version of M*A*S*H. He had a small role in the 1976 King Kong as well. He was a regular on several TV series, including Benson, where he played hypochondriac Clayton Runnymede Endicott III, and Boston Legal, in which he played Paul Lewiston. He also voiced Chef Louis in Disney's The Little Mermaid.

Of course Star Trek fans remember Auberjonois as the shapeshifting Constable Odo on Deep Space Nine. His face may have been hidden beneath a latex mask, but his gravely voice was unmistakable. I enjoyed the "friendly enemies" relationship he had with Quark, the station's Ferengi bartender.

I feel like I've been watching Auberjonois my whole life— probably because I have! I always enjoyed his work, and loved seeing him pop up on various shows.

Auberjonois is survived by his wife Judith, their daughter Tessa and son Remy.

Saturday, December 7, 2019

All The Trek News That's Fit To Trek

There were a lot of Star Trek stories in the news this week— one good, two sad— so I might as well combine 'em all into one post. 

Let's start with the good (I guess) news. This week saw the 40th Anniversary (!!!) of Star Trek: The Motion Picture, which premiered on December 6, 1979. Holy crap! It came out FORTY YEARS ago? 

How the hell is that even possible? There's definitely something wrong with time lately, as it's flowing way too fast.

I remember rushing to the theater to see it, as this was the first new live-action Trek we'd gotten in ten years. Sadly, it left me profoundly disappointed, as it's a deeply flawed film that doesn't feel like the old series at all. 

For example, who thought it was a good idea to introduce two brand new characters in this movie, which took precious screen time away from the regular cast we all knew and loved? And why create two brand new crew members, only to kill them at the end (SPOILERS!)?

It's also pretty much a big-budget remake of The Changeling, an episode from Season 2 of the Original Series. We waiting ten years for a rerun?

My opinion of it's softened over the years, and while I no longer dislike it, it's far from my favorite of the Trek films.

Forty years!

As for the sad news, R.I.P. to DC Fontana, who died December 2 at age 80. Her name may not be a household word, but she was well known among the Trek community. She was the first female writer on the Original Series, hence the initials so the studio execs wouldn't realize she was a dumb ol' girl. 

Fontana wrote many memorable episodes, including Journey To Babel, which introduced Spock's parents. She also created and solidified many of the characteristics of the Vulcan race.

She had quite a long career outside of Trek, writing for such shows as The Six Million Dollar Man, Buck Rogers In The 25th Century, Logan's Run, Land Of The Lost and Babylon 5.

R.I.P. as well to actor Robert Walker Jr., who died December 5 at age 79. 

Trek fans will remember him as Charlie, the confused teen with the powers of a god from the First Season episode Charlie X. 

Walker was Hollywood royalty, as he was the son of actors Robert Walker and Jennifer Jones. In addition to Trek, he was in several movies (Ensign Pulver, The War Wagon) and guest starred on many TV series, including Route 66, Ben Casey, Combat!, Bonanza, The Time Tunnel, The Six Million Dollar Man, Quincy, ME, Charlie’s Angels, Columbo, CHiPs, L.A. Law and Murder, She Wrote.

Saturday, March 2, 2019

Orvillenvy

I wish I knew who made this, so I could give them proper credit. Whoever did it, it's VERY well done, and heads and shoulders above the usual Photoshopped memes. It's also absolute genius, and perfectly illustrates my feelings as a former fan of Star Trek.

Thursday, October 4, 2018

KHAAAAAAN Do!

Pictured here is a new Star Trek action figure diorama from Diamond Select Toys. It's based on the Original Series episode Space Seed, aka The One That Introduced Khan.

Looks pretty good, but I have one question about it— why does Captain Kirk hate Khan's crotch so much?

Sunday, September 30, 2018

To Boldly Disembowel Where No One Has Disemboweled Before

By now you've probably heard the news that director Quentin Tarantino wants to helm an R-rated Star Trek movie (!). When asked why he thinks that would possibly be a good idea, Tarantino said his Trek film needs to an R in order to properly depict "the horror of space."

Karl Urban, who plays Dr. McCoy in the current movies, took to the internet to justify Tarantino's controversial decision in a borderline incoherent rant. Said Urban, and I quote, "You shouldn’t worry that it is going to be full of obscenity and stuff. Tarantino wants an R-rating to really make those beats of consequence land. If it’s not PG, if someone gets sucked out into space, which we have all seen before, we might see them get disemboweled first… It allows some some breadth… gives him some leeway to do that."

Yes, because if nothing else, the bright and hopeful Star Trek has always been about the disembowelings. The constant, incessant and narratively necessary disembowelings.


Jesus wept. I officially give up and am lying down in the middle of the highway. Bring on the rush hour traffic!

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

The Orville Season 1, Episode 8: Into The Fold

This week on The Orville we get another character spotlight episode. Actually it's a twofer, as it focuses on both Doctor Finn and Isaac. While it might seem like it's ostensibly a Finn episode, it's really more about Isaac, as he most definitely takes front and center.

Into The Fold is a perfect example of the infamous "Shuttle Episodes" that plagued all the modern Star Trek series. You know the type— one or more characters takes a shuttle out for some reason, there's some kind of engine trouble, they crash on an unexplored planet and then spend the rest of the episode trying to survive until they're rescued late in the third act. 


Shuttle Episodes are also a cheap and hackneyed way to take two wildly disparate characters and put them in an isolated situation where they're forced to get along. 


Star Trek: Voyager in particular was notorious for overusing this particular trope. Every time a shuttle appeared on that show, it was guaranteed to crash on an uncharted planet by the end of the cold open.

As you can probably tell, I'm not a fan of these kinds of episodes, which is why I wasn't very enthused about Into The Fold. It's probably the worst episode the series has done so far, in my opinion. Fortunately it was elevated a bit by Isaac and his interaction with Doctor Finn's horrible kids. 

Best of all, I was impressed by the behavior of the Orville crew in this episode. For once everyone (even Gordon and John) acted professionally and performed their jobs efficiently as they searched for the missing shuttle. Even better, Doctor Finn and Isaac acted exactly as they should have in a life or death situation, and nobody did anything overly stupid. Amazing!

If Into The Fold seems more Trek-ish that most Orville episodes, there's a good reason for that. It was written by longtime Trek alumni Andre Boramis, along with Brannon Braga (who also directed).

Boramis was the "science consultant" on Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise. He also wrote many episodes of Voyager and Enterprise, the latter of which he also produced.

Braga started out as an intern on TNG in 1990, somehow moving up to the position of executive producer (!). He worked as executive producer and showrunner on Voyager and Enterprise, as well as working on Star Trek Generations and Star Trek: First Contact. For a time he also dated actress Jeri Ryan, aka Seven Of Nine of Voyager fame. 


Braga's a controversial and divisive figure among Trekdom, as his work is very uneven. He wrote some of the best episodes of TNG, including All Good Things... (which one a Primetime Emmy and Hugo Award), as well as Cause And Effect. During his time on Voyager he also wrote Threshold (aka The One Where Captain Janeway And Tom Paris Turn Into Giant Salamanders) , which is widely considered to be the all-time worst episode of any iteration of Trek. 

His scripts were notorious for being filled with elements of body horror. If a member of the crew got transformed into a giant spider or was bitten by an oversized worm inside the transporter beam, it's a good bet it was a Brannon Braga episode.

Fortunately Into The Fold is nowhere near as bad as Threshold, even though a bit of Braga's body horror fascination does creep into the episode, as it contains a heaping helping of mutants suffering from a space disease.

Lastly, I'd like to give a special shout-out to actor Mark Jackson, who plays Isaac, the Orville's resident robotic lifeform. Jackson as Isaac absolutely stole this episode, which is all the more amazing considering he's pretty much emoting with a bucket on his head! Yet by using just the right vocal inflection, tilting his head at the precise angle and making expressive gestures with his hands, Jackson's able to give Isaac a distinct personality and a whole range of emotions. Kudos!

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
The Orville's in space dock as the crew updates its systems. Doctor Finn takes advantage of the downtime to take her two horrible kids to an 
amusement park on Arboreus Prime. Her younger son Ty is excited about the trip, but older, surly son Marcus doesn't want to go.


In the shuttle bay, Finn loads the luggage into a ship. Marcus swaggers in playing a "futuristic" handheld videogame that looks suspiciously like an iPhone with an extra piece glued to it. She tells him this is family time, and he's not to bring a game. He shrieks, "You suck!" and somehow doesn't get backhanded across the mouth, as should have happened. His words will come back to haunt him later.

Kelly tells Finn that she can't spare John to fly them to the planet, as he's helping overhaul the shi. She assigns Isaac to fly them instead. Isaac's anxious to go, as it'll give him a chance to "observe human familial dynamics at close range." Finn's less than enthused by this development.

The shuttle takes off, and Finn's kids act like complete little assholes the whole time, which even the robotic, emotionless Isaac notices and points out. He asks why Finn doesn't have a husband, and she says she decided she wanted kids, but not a marriage.

Since this is a Brannon Braga episode, the shuttle begins vibrating as it encounters a "gravity shear" from a "spacial fold" ahead. As Isaac plots a course around it, Ty grabs Marcus' videogame (which he wasn't supposed to bring) and hurls it toward the front of the ship. It hits the control panel, causing the shuttle to head right toward the fold.

Right on cue, Isaac says the gravitational pull is too strong for the shuttle's engines, and it's pulled in. They fly through some sort of special effects tunnel and emerge a thousand light years away, which Isaac says is in "uncharted space." That doesn't seem right, but let's just go with it. 

Isaac notes that the hull's fractured and main power is offline. He detects a large planet ahead with a number of moons, some of which are habitable. Finn tells him to pick one and head for it. Not sure how you do that with no power, but there you go. Maybe they have secondary power.

The shuttle enters the atmosphere of the planet's third moon. The ship starts venting plasma, and Finn goes to the back to switch on the emergency technobabble reserves. Just then the shuttle hits the top of a mountain, causing the ship to fracture even more. Finn's half breaks off completely and lands somewhere in the mountains. Isaac's half— containing the kids— crashes in the middle of a forest.

Isaac tries to call Finn, but there's no reply. Marcus' knee is dislocated, so Isaac pops it back into place for him. Meanwhile in the mountains, Doctor Finn lies unconscious next to her half of the shuttle. Something comes along and drags her away.

Isaac determines the likely location of the tail section, and says he'll make better time if he goes alone. He gives Marcus a blaster, saying it'll increase his chances of survival by twenty four percent. He then goes off in search of Finn.

He finds the tail section, but no sign of Doctor Finn. Back at the front of the ship, the kids hear something rustling around outside. Suddenly a mutant humanoid grabs Ty and runs off with him. Marcus aims his blaster at the mutant, but it's shot by Isaac, who's returned just in time.

Back in space dock, Kelly informs Mercer that Doctor Finn's shuttle never made it to Arboreus Prime. Mercer orders John to set a course for Finn's last known coordinates. John asks how he's supposed to do that, as the ship's navigational array is sitting in a pile on the floor. Mercer says they'll just have to use old fashioned star charts. So, like... maps? They're gonna use a map of the galaxy, like they're driving on the interstate?

Back on the moon, Isaac tries to repair the shuttle. The kids start bickering again, and Isaac eventually has enough and roars at them just like Finn did. This takes the kids aback, causing them to stop. Isaac then says the shuttle wreckage is out of Dysonium, and they'll need more to scan for Finn and send out a distress signal. Isaac determines there's Dysonium in the nearby mountains, and says they'll all go look for some in the morning.

Meanwhile, Doctor Finn wakes up on a cot inside a locked room. An alien man enters and brings her a tray of food, telling her to eat. She asks where she is and where her kids are, but the man doesn't answer. He sets down the tray and locks her in. Finn notices a sheet of metal bolted over a window.

The next morning, Isaac, Marcus and Ty set off for the mountains. They're approached by three mutants, who demand Isaac hand over the kids to them. When Isaac says they're under his protection, they attack. Isaac easily stuns them with his blaster. He theorizes the mutants wanted to eat the kids. This terrifies Ty, who grabs hold of Isaac's hand. Isaac doesn't understand this behavior, but rolls with it.

Finn tries to pry the metal off the window. She stops when the man returns. He sees her tray's untouched, and demands she eat, because food is scarce on the moon. He tells her his name is Drogen, and she's very lucky he found her. When she says her kids and Isaac are out there somewhere, Drogen says it's not safe outside, and they're likely already dead.

When Finn asks what happened, Drogen explains there was a war, and the enemy put "Paloxis" in the water supply. Millions died, and the ones left became infected and sick. The food supply's almost gone, forcing the survivors to become cannibals. He says he saw what was coming and stored enough food and water to last a long time. And with that he locks her inside again.

Isaac, Marcus and Ty come to a shallow stream. They cross it, and of course Ty slips and falls in, getting a good mouthful of Paloxis-tainted water. Groan!

Meanwhile, the Orville's following the shuttle's ion trail, and sees it leads into the spacial fold. Mercer orders John to fly the ship in. It's a rough ride, but the Orville makes it through with only minimal damage. Unfortunately there's no sign of the shuttle. John scans the area and says there's a gas giant nearby with seventy two moons (!), thirty six of which can support life. Mercer says that's likely where the shuttle went, and they'll have to search the habitable moons one at a time.

Back on the moon, Isaac and the kids camp out for the night. Marcus feels bad for disrespecting his mother, especially since she could be dead. Isaac tries to comfort him. Ty talks Isaac into telling them the story of Peter Rabbit, but in Doctor Finn's voice.

In her cell, Finn manages to pry the metal plate off the window. Unfortunately she sees she's on the top floor of a building that's several hundred feet tall. Wa-wahhhhh! So much for that idea!

The next morning Marcus wakes up, and Isaac says they can start moving again. Unfortunately he sees that Ty's face is covered with sores, as he's suffering from Paloxis poisoning. 

Doctor Finn tries a new plan. She slices open her arm, then calls Drogen for help. He asks what happened, and she says she slipped and cut her arm. She says she has a medkit back in the shuttle wreckage, and asks him to go get it. He's reluctant to leave his "safe place," but she says if she doesn't get antibiotics, she could get an infection and die, and then he'd be "all alone" again. As she says this, she creepily strokes his hand. Drogen gets the message, and leaves for the shuttle.

As soon as he's gone, Finn pries the metal off the window and climbs out onto a ledge. She inches over to another window and climbs back into Drogen's little apartment. She rummages through his stuff and finds a large knife, plus her communicator. 

She contacts Isaac and asks if the kids are alright (hey, that'd make a good song title). Isaac says they're alive, but Ty's sick. Marcus tells her he's sorry he said she sucked. Finn tells him she understands that people say things when they're angry that they don't really mean. Really, we're doing this now? Could this wait until a less dangerous time?

Just then Broden returns, and Finn stabs him with the knife. He slams her into the wall, and she somehow grabs his holstered gun without him noticing. He comes at her again and she shoots him dead. She then uses her communicator, which apparently also doubles as a scanner, to find the shuttle crash site and rendezvous with Isaac and the kids.

Along the way, Finn's attacked by a mutant. She shoots him too, then takes a sample of his diseased blood. She heads off again, unaware she's being followed by a whole herd of mutants.

She makes it back to the shuttle and is reunited with the kids and Isaac. She examines Ty, but says there's nothing she can do for him here. Isaac takes the Dysonium he recovered in the mountains, uses it to power up the shuttle and sends out a distress signal. The power almost immediately goes out again. Isaac says there was only enough Dysonium to send out a short distress burst. 

He says if the Orville detects their signal, it could take them weeks to arrive at normal speed (he doesn't know the Orville also took a shortcut through the spacial fold). Finn says Ty doesn't have weeks. She says if she had the ship's medical resources, she might be able to use the mutant's blood to synthesize a cure. She says she can't just sit by and watch Ty die (heh). Isaac reaches out and holds her hand, a gesture which he apparently now understands.

On the Orville, Alara detects a faint blip from one of the planet's innermost moons. Hoping it's from the downed shuttle, Mercer orders Gordon to set a course. As the ship arrives at the moon, Alara scans the surface and detects the lifesigns of three humans and one artificial being. Bortus chimes in and says there are two dozen other life forms heading for Finn and the others. Mercer orders Gordon to take a shuttle to the surface.

The mutants begin converging on the shuttle. Isaac uses his superhuman reflexes to take them out one at a time, like he's in a videogame. For some reason, he says he needs help. Finn gives Marcus a blaster and tells him to help Isaac. Marcus shoots at a few mutants, but of course misses. Isaac tells him to concentrate, which apparently works, as he starts hitting them. 

Just then shots are fired from above, scaring off the remaining mutants. It's Gordon in the shuttle. Hooray!

Cut to the Orville's sickbay, where we see Ty's fully recovered. Doctor Finn says she was able to synthesize a cure for the Paloxis poisoning. Kelly says she's going to try and get permission from the Admiralty to distribute the cure to the mutants, if they'll let them help. Um... why would they not?

Finn visits Isaac in Engineering, thanks him for helping save her kids, and welcomes him to the family.

Thoughts:
• In the cold open, Ty enters Doctor Finn's bedroom and wakes her up by yelling, "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy! Mommy! MOMMY! MOM! MOMMEEE!!"


That had to be a Family Guy reference, from back in the days when Stewie would do the same thing to his mom Lois.

• The big revelation in this episode is that Doctor Finn is apparently a single mother with two young sons. That's definitely news to the audience! Funny how she's never so much as even mentioned them before now!

Over on Star Trek: The Next Generation they made a big deal over the fact that the Enterprise-D was one of the first starships in the fleet to allow children and families on board. Apparently the Orville allows kids too (especially now that Bortus and Klyden recently became parents), but doesn't make a big deal about it.


• The Orville's shuttle bay set is suitably huge, but whenever we see it there's always just one ship inside. I feel like there should be at least ten or twelve other shuttles parked in there. Surely it wouldn't be that tough to add a few CGI ships in the background? Maybe it's a budget thing. Or maybe we're supposed to assume there's a whole role of shuttles just behind the camera?

• When Marcus enters the shuttle bay, he's playing a futuristic video game. Doctor Finn tells him he's not bringing it, as this trip is for family time. He then groans and shuts the game off, with an attitude that makes you just want to smack him.

Note that when he holds up the game, it looks amazingly like a standard iPhone with a retractable piece of plexiglass glued to the side! That's a cheap and clever way to make a prop with practical animated effects, but... they could have disguised it a little bit better. At least put some sort of futuristic frame around the phone or something.


• As she's leaving, Finn tells Kelly that Doctor Parley will be able to handle any medical emergencies while she's gone. This makes perfect sense, as there's likely more than just one doctor on the ship.


• With each passing scene, the shuttle interior set seems to get a little longer. It looks pretty spacious before the crash, as there's room for six seats and some kind of little engineering alcove. After the shuttle splits in two, somehow each half seems to double in length! Funny how that happened, eh? Maybe the spacial fold "stretched" the ship (wink, wink).

• The spacial fold throws the shuttle a thousand light years from its original position, which Isaac says puts them in "uncharted territory."


Hmm. Somebody's math is way off somewhere here. A few weeks ago in Pria, Mercer boasts that the Orville is capable of speeds "exceeding ten light years per hour." That means they could travel a thousand light years in just four days! So if the ship flies in one direction for a hundred hours it'll be completely off their star charts? Does that seem right?


I think the spacial fold needed to throw them way more than a thousand light years.  More like a hundred thousand.


• In this episode we finally get a halfhearted explanation as to why the Orville crew can understand every alien race they encounter. 


When Doctor Finn wakes up in Drogen's cell, she demands to leave. He tells her that's impossible, and she's in the only "safe place" on the moon. She sarcastically says that her translator must be broken, because he has a different definition of "safe" than she does.


I'm assuming this means the Orville crew has some sort of tiny devices embedded in their ears that automatically translate any language for them. They may even have some sort of vocal implant to translate their speech for other races.


It's not a perfect solution, since whenever we see an alien its mouth seems to be synched up with the English it appears to be speaking, but... eh. At least they attempted an explanation, even if it's not a completely satisfactory one. I'm willing to give 'em this one and move on.


• This week's special guest star is Brian Thompson, who plays Drogen.

 You may not know Thompson's name, but you probably recognize his wide-mouthed face, as he's been in tons of sci-fi and action movies and TV shows. That's him next to a young, blue-haired Bill Paxton in The Terminator.

He's also no stranger to Star Trek, as over the years he appeared as various aliens in TNG, DS9 and Enterprise.

• At one point Isaac tries to repair the crashed shuttle, while Marcus and Ty argue and fight next to him. Hilariously, Isaac tells them their bickering is "highly distracting."


At first I thought this scene didn't make any sense, since Isaac's electronic brain no doubt allows him to process millions of tasks and operations at the same time. It would literally be impossible for him to become distracted. But then I realized that's the joke!  Finn's kids are such horrible little assholes that they managed to fluster and piss off a robot!


• When the Orville arrives at the moon, Alara scans the surface and detects Finn and the others. Bortus then chimes in and ominously says, "Captain, I'm detecting two dozen life forms converging on their location."

We then see a helpful shot of Bortus' map, complete with orange dots representing the mutants. Guess how many intruders its displaying? Twenty four, right? Nope! Try thirty three! Ah well. Maybe counting isn't Bortus' strong suit.

• When the mutants attack, Isaac tells Finn he'll protect the shuttle. He stands outside, impressively picking off the attackers one by one with mechanical precision.

For some reason he then calls to Finn and says, "Doctor, we are under heavy siege. I cannot repel them alone." I dunno, it looks like he's doing a damned fine job to me!

Obviously he didn't need any help, but the episode needed him to say that so Marcus could help and finish up hi redemption arc. 

• Doctor Finn hands Marcus a blaster and tells him to go help Isaac fight off the mutants. She takes great pains to set his blaster on stun, saying, "They may not value life, but WE do."

HAW, HAW, HAW! Good one, Doctor Finn! Try telling that to Drogen after you shot him to death for saving your life! Or to the mutant you murdered on your way back to the shuttle! You "valued" their lives so much it killed them.


OK, I get that she had no choice but to kill the mutant who attacked her, since he was planning on eating her. But it seems like she didn't need to straight up kill Drogen. He wasn't evil or a cannibal, and he really did save her life. Sure, he was keeping her locked in her cell, but I got the impression he was doing that for her own good, until she accepted her situation and stopped trying to escape.

I dunno. He was a lot bigger than her and had no intention of letting her go, so maybe she really didn't have any other choice but to kill him. Her line about "valuing life" still makes me laugh though.

• This Week's Best Lines— Almost All Of Which Belonged To Isaac:
Isaac: "Doctor, are your children always this combative?"
Finn: "Only when they're awake."
Isaac: "The older, less intelligent one seems to derive pleasure from inflicting damage on his younger, weaker sibling."
Finn: "He's a kid. They act up. (turning around to face the kids) OH MY GOD IF I HAVE TO COME BACK THERE ONE MORE TIME I WILL LOSE MY MIND! Knock it off!"
Isaac: "On my planet, if a program is not functioning properly, it is deleted."
Finn: "Well, that's always an option."
Isaac: "If you wish I will vaporize them."

Isaac: "I have noticed that many other families on the Orville include two parents. Where is your counterpart?"
Finn: "I don't have a husband."
Isaac: "Was he destroyed?"
Finn: "No."
Isaac: "Did you grow to despise each other, and terminate your coupling?"

Marcus: "Hey! You can't just leave us here!"
Isaac: "You are small and feeble. I will move at a faster pace alone. The weapon will increase your chances of survival by twenty four percent."

Ty: "It's your fault we crashed."
Marcus: "It is not. You're the one who threw my game at the helm."
Ty: "Well you shouldn't have brought it anyway. Mom said you couldn't!"
Isaac: "This conflict is highly distracting."
Marcus: "Well when we find Mom, you're gonna be in so much trouble!"
Ty: "You're the one that's in trouble!"
Isaac: "Cease. Immediately."
Marcus: "You're gonna be grounded for like, ten years. You're gonna be an old man by the time you come out your room!"
Ty: "I'm not! You're a liar!"
Isaac: "Children. Cut the crap right now. If i have to come back there one more time, I swear to god I'm going to lose my mind."
(note that Isaac's last bit is the exact same thing Doctor Finn said, only it works for him!)

Ty: (grabbing for Marcus' videogame) "It's my turn to play!"
Marcus: "You don't get a turn."
Ty: "That's not fair!"
Marcus: "You're the one who said I shouldn't bring it, so you don't get to play!"
Ty: "You don't get to make the rules."
Marcus: "Yeah. I do."
Ty: (whining) "Isaaaaaaac!"
(Isaac grabs the game from Marcus, hurls it in the air and shoots it with his blaster, destroying it)
Isaac: "The game is never to be spoken of again."
(the kids stand silently, looking stunned)

Isaac: "Marcus, you have not consumed your ration bar. Are you unwell?"
Marcus: "When we were leaving, I told my Mom she sucked. That was one of the last things I said to her." 
Isaac: "It is quite possible your mother is alive."
Marcus: (hopeful) "What makes you say that?"
Isaac: "There was no sign of blood or severed limbs in the shuttle."

Ty: "Mom used to tell us bedtime stories before we went to sleep. Can you tell us a story?"
Isaac: "I will do my best. Please adjust your bodies to a horizontal bearing."
(the kids stare blankly at him)
Isaac: "Lie down. There was once a Doctor and her two children. They embarked on a recreational journey to a leisure planet. Their shuttle was diverted by a spacial anomaly, and crashed into a mountain. The children survived with the help of a more advanced artificial life form. Their mother was missing or dead. The end.
Marcus: "Man, I hate that story!"

Doctor Finn: "The boys adore you. I don't know why or how you managed to keep them in line, but I'm sure as hell glad you did."
Isaac: "I simply adjusted my programming to accommodate their sibling dynamics and emotional responses. Your failed attempts at discipline were also instructive."
Finn: (shocked) "Well... anyway. I'll leave you alone."
Isaac: "May I make a final observation? Your children are unruly, disrespectful, volatile and highly unpredictable. I am quite fond of them."
Finn: "Welcome to the family."

• This Week's Incongruous 21st Century (And Earlier!) References:
There weren't many of them this week.

In Engineering, the repair crew listens to Barry Manilow while they work.


At one point Gordon sees the spacial fold and says, "Back at Union Point we called that a "glory hole."

• THIS WEEK'S STAR TREK SWIPES:
Wow, there's honestly too many to count. The entire episode is one big homage to my least favorite type of Star Trek story. There's the shuttle that immediately runs into trouble and crashes, the completely different characters who are forced to work together to survive, the crew members stranded on a technologically primitive planet, the main ship that's desperately searching for them, and on and on.
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