Overheard In Public: Blood

For the most part I'm a pretty quiet person, speaking aloud as little as possible and minding my own business as much as I can. I expect nothing less from the rest of the world, but unfortunately the majority of the population doesn't subscribe to my credo. Sometimes there's just no way to avoid Overhearing Things In Public.

The following is 100% true.

I was walking though my local Target store yesterday, trying to find a watch battery. As I passed the Electronics Department, the clerk there pulled out her walkie-talkie and I overheard her say, "I need a clean up in the Electronics Department. Clean up in the Electronics Department, please. There's blood on the counter in the Electronics Department. Repeat, blood on the counter."

Jesus Christ! Now that's something you don't hear every day! What the hell's going on in that department? We're four months out from Black Friday. There's not supposed to be bloodshed until the day after Thanksgiving!

Tales From The Video Store: The Fault

Unlike the majority of the world, I don't go in for all this convenient video-on-demand and FlixNet nonsense. Nosiree! Give me an old fashioned, inconvenient Video Store any day! The farther away from my house the better! You just never know what you're gonna find— or overhear— when you browse the Video Store!

This Tale From The Video Store is 100% true.

Last weekend I was browsing through my local Family Video store. While there, I overheard an overweight hillbilly with a thick Southern accent talking to his lookalike, adult son:

Hillbilly Dad: A'm tryin' ta find a movie fer yer Maw. Look fer Fault In Our Stars.

Hillbilly Son: Huh? Fartin' Are Stars? Whut's thet about?

The Hillbilly Dad, unaware of the concept of alphabetical order, then intently scanned the "R" section as he desperately hunted for a movie that clearly starts with an "F" (or "T," if you count the "The" in the title).