I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: NECA 18" Pacific Rim Gipsy Danger

 A while back I reviewed Wave 1 of NECA's 7" Pacific Rim action figures. Tonight I'm reviewing their new 18" Gipsy Danger figure.

For those of you interested in packaging (I'm not, as I free all my figures from their cardboard prisons), here's a look at the front and back of the box. The front offers a good view of the figure, while the back shows it in an action pose. It's reasonably collector friendly if you'd like to take the figure out and look at it before sticking it back into the box.

By the way, don't bother looking for this figure in any brick and mortar store. I was barely able to find it online, and even then after only after a couple weeks of searching. You might be able to find it at a comic book store or a place like Coconuts, but I wouldn't bet on it. Online is your best option here.

For some reason all the Pacific Rim toys are as scarce as hen's teeth. I'm not sure why-- giant robots fighting giant monsters? That's a match made in toy heaven. Instead of cool figures like these, the toy aisles are clogged with Man Of Steel crap that are rotting untouched on the shelves.

And here we come to the bane of my existence. Once you pull the figure from the box, you're not done! You've got your work cut out for you, as there are at least thirteen wire ties to get through before you can release the figure. What sadistic bastard thinks this is a good idea?.

Once you finally get it out of the package, you're rewarded with a huge, solid and very nicely detailed action figure.

I'm not kidding when I say it's detailed. It's covered in little hatches and panels and vents. The longer you look at it the more detail you see. It really is an amazing piece of work.

In addition to the excellent detailing the figure features a top notch paint job. The pistons look suitably grease covered, the wiring looks like, well, wiring and the outer panels have a wash on them to simulate wear. In the film the Jaegers didn't just roll off the assembly line, they'd been around for years and taken quite a beating. The paint wash helps sell that idea and is a welcome addition. 

Now the bad news. I was disappointed with the articulation of the figure. The 7" version wasn't very well articulated, but that's to be expected. A figure in this scale should have articulation coming out its... er, ears. Sadly, it doesn't.

That's not to say it doesn't have any. The head turns and the shoulders appear to be ball jointed, although the design of the body limits their movement. The elbows and wrists are articulated as well. There's an ab-crunch joint that doesn't really move much, and hip, knee, ankle and heel articulation.

Now I admit that when you list it all out like that it sounds like a lot, but the range of motion of many of the joints is limited and can't really move much. There's no excuse for that in a figure of this size.

I suppose the limited articulation may be a result of trying to keep the cost down. Stupid economic and price points! 

Here's an example of the sub-par articulation. The elbow joints allow you to bend the arms an astonishing 45 degrees or so. That was, I say that was sarcasm, son.

 I was also disappointed by the hands. They're forever frozen in fist form. A figure this size ought to have some sort of finger articulation, or an extra set of hands at least. 

Again, this probably came down to cost.

Articulation complaints aside, this really is a beautiful figure. Well, if you think giant robots are beautiful, that is. Just look at that profile!

Here's a close up of the detailing on the legs. Pretty cool!

More leg details, including pistons, vents and simulated machinery.

There are all kinds of flanges and plates that appear to be separate pieces that are glued onto the figure, rather than molded as one big piece. This helps it look more detailed and less toy like.

A lot of these hatches and flanges feel like they should open up. If they do, I haven't figured out how to open them.

The only such moveable parts I've found are these flaps on the back. I'm not really sure what they're supposed to be or why they decided to make them-- and only them-- move, but there you go.

Surprisingly the figure can stand by itself in this obligatory reverse Bigfoot pose.

The 18" Gipsy Danger (man, I can't get used to spelling "gypsy" with an "I") has a light up feature in the head and chest. It's activated by a well-hidden button on the back of its neck.

The light up feature is pretty darned bright too.

Hey, when it's lit up like that it looks just like a scene from the movie...

No, wait. THIS is how it looked in the movie. You'd think that in this day and age we'd have advanced past the point where we have to render our CGI characters in the dark and the rain to make them look real, but I guess not.

Gipsy Danger comes with two, and only two, accessories: the chain swords. You plug the chain swords into slots at the wrist, above the hands.

I'm not sure why they included two chain swords, as they only used one in the movie, but I'm not gonna look a gift accessory in the mouth. 

I kind of wish they'd given us one rigid and one flaccid (heh) chain sword, as in the film.

Here's the 18" Gipsy Danger next to the usual can of Pepsi Throwback for scale. As you can see, she's big. Very big. Surprisingly big. I have no idea where I'm going to display her either. I need a bigger house. Or less crap.

Here's the 18" Gipsy Danger next to the 7" version. Quite a difference!

A cut scene from Pacific Rim, in which the massive Gipsy Danger tenderly cradles its offspring.

So what's the verdict? Is the 18" Gipsy Danger a buy or a pass? It's very highly detailed and looks awesome, but the articulation and accessories are somewhat lacking, considering the scale and the price point. It's got a nice light up feature too. It's not a perfect figure by any means, but I'd say the pros outweigh the cons. If you're a fan of the film, you have room for it and you're lucky enough to find one, I say go for it.

It Came From The Cineplex: The Monuments Men

The Monuments Men was directed by George Clooney, and written by Clooney and Grant Heslov.

The film tells the true story (more or less) of the Monuments, Fine Arts and Archives Program, an Allied project created in 1943 to protect valuable works of art and architecture from the ravages of World War II.

The Monuments Men is a throwback to old fashioned war movies, the kind they made in the 1940s and 1950s that make WWII seem like it was a good time. Clooney obviously has a great amount of reverence and respect for the subject matter, which comes through on screen.

I very much wanted to like this film, seeing as it's about WWII (one of my favorite periods) and art (since I'm an artist of sorts). Unfortunately something about the movie seemed off somehow. The film has a choppy quality and a weak, muddled narrative. 

It also suffers from not having a clear-cut villain. Yes, Hitler was responsible for the plundering of much of Europe's art, but not directly. It's not like he dressed in a cat burglar costume and stole paintings off the walls himself. 

Because there's no tangible villain, the film has to invent conflicts to generate suspense. Nowhere is this more evident than the whole, "We've got to find the stolen Madonna and Child statue so our friend didn't die in vain" subplot.

As a result the stakes just aren't very high. Sure, the loss of the world's art treasures would be devastating, but it kind of pales against something like the destruction of the free world.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

The Plot:
War is bad for art and other living things. The Monuments Men was formed to save as much of Europe's cultural heritage as possible, before the Nazis either stole it or destroyed it. 

Thoughts:
• The film boasts a great cast, including George Clooney, his pal Matt Damon, Bill Murray, John Goodman, Bob Balaban, Cate Blanchett and Downton Abbey's Hugh Bonneville.

George Clooney has an old fashioned movie star quality to him, and looks like he just stepped out of the 1940s. The same goes for John Goodman. He just has that vintage look about him. Unfortunately Bill Murray does not. They dress him in period clothing, but he's pretty much playing himself, and comes off a bit jarring.

I'm curious as to why Matt Damon is front and center there on the poster. I wouldn't call him the star per se, as he disappears for a good part of the middle of the film. Maybe director and co-writer George Clooney thought it would look too Shaternesque to place himself in the center?

• The Monuments Men is rated PG-13 for "some images of war violence and historical smoking." Jesus wept. 

This is the state of the world we live in today. A world where just the sight of someone smoking a cigarette (in 1943 yet, when everyone and their dog smoked) is considered as threatening and offensive as screen violence.

I'm assuming the ratings board fears that kids are so impressionable that if they so much as glimpse a movie character smoking, they'll immediately take up the habit right there in the theater. To that notion I respectfully reply, "Bullsh*t."

When I was a kid stores sold candy cigarettes and bubble gum cigars. I used to buy both and would walk around pretending to smoke them. Despite this, I turned out just fine. I did not grow up to become a smoker, nor can I stand being around tobacco smoke.

I say to the ratings board that if a kid can be influenced into smoking merely by seeing someone puffing away in a movie, they were most likely going to take up the habit anyway.

• My biggest complaint about the film: it seemed to have trouble settling on a tone. It's full of humorous scenes of the over-the-hill Monuments Men team struggling with Army basic training, closely followed by images of Nazi aggression and soldiers dying in battle. 

Make up your mind, George. Are you making a comedy or a serious war epic?

• Parts of the musical score seemed to be trying to sound like something Aaron Copeland would write. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you.

• The film faces a bit of an uphill battle every time someone raises the question of whether a work of art is worth a man's life. The film firmly believes the answer is yes.

It's a bold and risky statement for a film to make, and while I understand the sentiment, I don't agree with it. Despite the fact that I'm an artist and have a healthy respect for art, I don't think any piece is worth a person's life. For anyone who feels the same way, the central theme's gonna be a hard sell.

• Cate Blanchett plays Claire Simone, a museum curator in Nazi-occupied Paris. She's initially distrustful of Monument Man James Granger (Matt Damon), believing the Americans want to recover the stolen art so they can keep it for themselves.

Then about three quarters of the way through the film Simone has a complete 180º change of heart and cooperates fully with Damon, going so far as to give him her secret journal detailing where the Nazis have hidden much of their art horde. She even throws herself at him romantically!

What the hell happened there? Did we skip a reel? Yes, she does mention that she witnessed the Americans handing art over to its rightful owners, but that doesn't seem like enough to explain her radical change in motivation. Another example of the choppy nature of the film.

• As is the norm with movies based on real life events, many liberties were taken with the truth. 

The biggest change concerns the number of men in the Monuments Men program. The film would have us believe there were a paltry seven middle-aged men who ran around Europe finding and protecting valuable art. In reality there were about 400 servicemen and civilians in the program (!). Now that's a pretty significant change!

Also, Hugh Bonneville plays Donald Jeffries, a British member of the Monuments Men who loses his life trying to protect a priceless Madonna and Child statue from the Nazis.

Curiously there was a real life British soldier named Ronald Balfour who was one of only two men to die in the program. He really did lose his life trying to protect artwork from Hitler's forces. 

So why'd Balfour get snubbed? Did Clooney just not want to deal with the hassle of using actual names? In the film the Donald Jeffries character was an alcoholic who saw the Monuments Men as his last chance to redeem himself and regain his pride. Did Clooney not want to sully the memory of Balfour by saddling his character with such a trait?

• When I saw the film the theater was filled to near capacity, something I've not seen around here in a long time. At the end of the film, a large number of the crowd stood up and applauded. Hey, idiots, the director can't hear you when you clap for his film.

The Monuments Men is a film with good intentions, but with a lack of consistent tone and a meandering narrative. I give it a B-.

Happy Valentine's Day, I Guess

I have little or no use for this miserable excuse for a holiday, but without it our nation's economy would probably collapse between Christmas shopping seasons, so I suppose it's a necessary evil. Plus some people put great store in it, so... 

Have a Happy Valentine's Day, if you must.

It's Morphin' Time!

A couple of months ago professional celebrity Bruce Jenner felt the need to announce to the world that he was considering a laryngeal shave procedure, because he "just never liked his trachea."

This week Jenner finally went through with the surgery. Here he is after the successful procedure, showing off his brand spankin' new Adam's Apple to a curious world.

I'm not 100% sure, but I'm thinking Bruce may have possibly had thirty or forty other minor procedures done while he was at it.

He's well on his way to his goal of transforming himself into Bruce Campbell's Surgeon General Of Beverly Hills character in Escape From L.A. Congratulations, Bruce!

The Walking Dead Season 4, Episode 9: After

The Walking Dead's back, after a two month (or more) absence. I know I've said it before, but I hate these mid season breaks that have now become the norm on TV. They're disruptive and throw a monkey wrench into any momentum the storyline may have had. 

SPOILERS AHEAD!

• This week we get a character building episode as we focus on Carl, and a bit on Michonne. What's that you say? Another slow-burning character building episode? Don't worry, this one is way better than those two from last year that focused solely on the Governor.

Many fans are saying they thought this episode was boring. They must have been watching a different show, because I thought it was anything but. Yes, it had a slower pace than the previous episode, but that's a good thing in my book. For Pete's sake, every episode can't be an epic season-ending cliffhanger.

• I was glad to see Michonne put Hershel to rest. Back in December I thought about his poor old decapitated head just lying there on the ground, so kudos to the writers for remembering and dealing with it. Even if it was heart-wrenching.

• We get to see Michonne make herself a new set of "pets" to serve as zombie repellant. 

One thing I don't get about her various pet walkers: why are they always so docile? These two were very aggressively pursuing her until she immobilized them and cut off their arms and jaws. After that they were both as gentle and passive as lambs. They didn't even move until she tugged at their leashes.

So why did they instantly become domesticated? Is there a tiny part of their walker brains that realizes they've been "neutered" so to speak, and they give up trying to eat her?

• This week's episode (like the one before it) stuck very close to the comic book, especially the Rick and Carl storyline. Parts of it were almost frame by frame recreations. That's both good and bad. Good in that it's cool to see the comic book come to life, but bad in that I like not knowing what's going to happen.

• So what happened to Rick? He was in pretty bad shape in this episode, as he was limping, holding his side and barely able to breathe. I don't remember him being that bad off in the previous episode. Is my memory just faulty (a very real possibility!) or did something awful happen to him off screen?

• When Carl curses, Rick tells him to watch his mouth (much to Carl's astonishment). It was a nice little moment, and spoke volumes about this world. Rick still remembers when there was such a thing as society and civilization, and is doing his best to preserve that. Carl's spent the majority of his life in this hellish new world, and has no use for such artificial constructs such as manners.

• Rick and Carl sure found food awfully easy in those abandoned houses. In past episodes whenever they've gone on supply runs things have been pretty much picked clean. Lucky for them no one's ever been through this neighborhood before.

They even found cereal that apparently wasn't stale. And after sitting in a house for at least three years, yet. Yay, preservatives!

• This week we finally get a bit of Michonne's back story, as she has a bizarre dream about her young son, her boyfriend Mike and his friend Terry. The dream sequence was very well done, as Mike and Terry seemingly deteriorated before her very eyes.

From this dream and other clues throughout the episode, I'm assuming Mike didn't want to raise a son in a world like this, so he killed him and then killed himself (with Terry following suit). This explains why Michonne broke down when holding baby Judith earlier in the season.

It also explains why the remnants of Mike and Terry were her original "pets," and why she told Andrea that "they got what they deserved."

• Carl's actions in this episode were reckless, but very true to life. C'mon, he's a teenager after all! Teens are supposed to think they know everything and are indestructible.

His petulant teen attitude and rant to his dad seemed pretty on the money as well.

Being in the prison for so long gave Carl a false sense of his own badassness (is that a word?). It was relatively safe to dispatch zombies when they were on the other side of the prison fence. Now he's out in the open with them, and realizes (nearly too late) that it ain't so easy now. Hopefully after losing his shoe he learned his lesson.

Speaking of losing his shoe-- I really didn't think they'd kill off Carl in this episode, but Holy Christ! I was sitting on the edge of my chair during his wrestling match with that walker. Well done, Walking Dead.

• I confess that at first I didn't understand Michonne's little zombie massacre in the woods. I finally figured it out though. She saw the walker that looked just like her (hey, that's racist!) and realized she was in danger of becoming dead inside again.

• Say, Rick, I know you were delirious and all, but next time you're injured, you might not want to crawl slowly across the floor while moaning and clutching at your son's foot. Especially when he's holding a gun.

By the way, wasn't Carl's gun empty at that point? Even if he believed his dad had turned, he couldn't have shot him. Or was he using Rick's gun?

And say, Carl, next time your dad passes out on the couch for two days straight, maybe you might want to try and find some medicine for him. Just sayin.'

• I'm glad Michonne found Rick and Carl, and even gladder that she had the presence of mind to knock on the door, lest our favorite trigger-happy teen blow her head off.

Why Do They Call Them Comics: The Wizard Of Id and B.C.

Today's The Wizard Of Id tells us in no uncertain terms that bestiality is not only allowed but warmly welcomed on the comics page.

Thank Thor the lower half of the guy with the pig is obscured by the panel border. And I don't even want to think about how the guy with the broom is going to express his love to it...

I loved anything to do with dinosaurs and cavemen when I was a kid, so B.C. was my all-time favorite comic strip. This is back when creator Johnny Hart was not only alive, but sane.

But that was then, in the before time. Now I have no idea when the strip is supposed to be taking place. Neither do the current creators. 

This strip is making fun of rapidly aging and obsolete technology, so the only way it makes any sense at all is if it's set way, way after 1982. But if that's true then these can't possibly be cavemen. Unless maybe they're cavemen who've time traveled to the present day. Or the writer forgot his strip is set in the distant past.

The Twelfth Doctor

I'm a big fan of Doctor Who, so I started a series of vector drawings of the various Doctors.Last month the BBC finally released a photo of the brand new Twelfth Doctor in his official costume, so I thought I'd get a head start and draw him.

Seeing as the show won't be back until Fall 2014, we don't yet know much about this particular incarnation of the Doctor. He's had about fifteen seconds of air time and so far all we know is that he's got new kidneys, he doesn't like their color and he doesn't know how to fly the TARDIS. 

I'm also not sure if he'll keep the Eleventh Doctor's extendable sonic screwdriver or opt for a new model. If he does (and I wouldn't be surprised, since it would give the toy companies another geegaw to sell to the fans), I'll come back and add it.

I'm curious to see how the fans will react to actor Peter Capaldi as the Twelfth Doctor. Both David Tennant and Matt Smith, Doctors Ten and Eleven respectively, were very young and were considered "dreamy" and "sexy" by many female fans who oohed and aahed over them. 

Capaldi is currently 55 years old. That's the same age that William Hartnell was when he played the First Doctor way back in 1963! Will the fans of the "dreamy" Doctors swoon over one who's old enough to be their father? Time will tell, I suppose.

Here's the digital sketch I did of Doctor #12. He looks very stern in every reference photo I found. Hopefully he won't be so serious all the time, and will have a lighter side to him.

The Twelfth Doctor is a vector drawing, done all in InDesign. It's been a while since I drew one of these Doctor illustrations in vector and I kind of forgot how I did it. I had to go back and study the previous drawings to see how they looked and match their style.

By the way, what sadistic bastard decided there should be an "F" in "twelfth?" I spell it wrong every time!

It Came From The Cineplex: Lone Survivor

Lone Survivor was written and directed by Peter Berg. It's based on the 2007 book by Marcus Luttrell and Patrick Robinson, which tells the true life story of Luttrell's harrowing mission during the War in Afganistan.

Director Peter Berg also helmed last year's Battleship! You know, the movie based on the board game. Actually it's not all that hard to believe. As ridiculous as that film was, it was very much a love letter to the Navy and military in general. It's not such a stretch to imagine Berg  directing a straight, serious war story. In fact he actually began producing Lone Survivor back in 2008, years before he made Battleship.

Although the film opened nationwide on January 10, 2014, it had a limited release on December 25, 2013 (!). Just the kind of feel-good film  the whole family would enjoy on a Christmas day!

The Plot:

The film tells the story of Operation Red Wing, a disastrous 2005 Navy Seal mission to capture or kill Taliban leader Ahmad Shah during the War in Afghanistan. The mission was comproimised by a run-n with locals and only one member of the team survive

Thoughts:

• I don't have a lot to say about this film, so I'll keep it short.

• "Lone Survivor" may be the worst, most spoilerific title ever. It all but shouts on a bullhorn that only one person's going to come out of this alive, and Mark Wahlberg's mug is plastered all over the poster, so it's not very difficult to figure out what happens.

• My main beef with the film: it's in such a rush to get to the "good stuff" that it doesn't spend much time letting us get to know the characters. Yes, they all have little quirks and talk about their wives and girlfriends back in the world, but ultimately they're all ciphers, coming off as little more than video game characters.

Because the characters are little more than sketches, we don't feel their injuries and deaths the way we should. Seems like a bit more setup and introduction was in order.

• The amount of damage these Seals take during the course of the film is nothing short of astonishing. Each one is shot multiple times and at one point they all fall down a steep mountain range, slamming against rocks and boulders with enough force to break them in half. They then shake it off and go back to soldiering. I know Seals are tough, but... 

Apparently the injuries were all based on reality though, as director Peter Berg studied the autopsy reports of the fallen soldiers to make sure their wounds were true to life. Gruesome!

• As is typical of "true life stories," a lot of the plot is total fabrication. There's considerable disagreement as to how many Taliban were surrounding the Seals, with some reports saying there were 25 or so, and others saying there were 200 (!!!). Luttrell also didn't witness the rescue copter being shot down. Nor did he go into cardiac arrest and "die" for a few seconds after being rescued, as shown in the film.

Such changes are par for the course whenever a movie's based on a real event, so it doesn't bother me too awful much. I get that some things have to be changed for dramatic purposes.

What I don't get though is that some of the real life events were more impressive than what was shown in the film. In the movie, once Luttrell is the "lone survivor" of his team, he limps several miles to an Afghan settlement, where he's nursed back to health by a friendly villager. In reality Luttrell's injuries were so severe that he couldn't walk, and he crawled seven miles to the settlement! Why the hell would they change something impressive like that? Were they afraid the audience would find it unbelievable?

Lone Survivor is a brutal and unrelenting war film that unfortunately doesn't let us get to know its characters well enough to properly care for them. I give it a B-.

A Public Service Announcement For Grandmothers Buying Videos For Their Grandkids

Attention Grandmothers! It's a fact that your grandkids are are always bugging you to buy videos for them. I also know that the video store, with its miles of shelves full of similar DVD covers, can be a frightening and confusing place. So before you venture out to purchase a video for your ungrateful descendants, study the following carefully.

This is the 1998 movie Meet The Deedles. It stars the late Paul Walker and Steve Van Wormer, the guy who was in Meet The Deedles.

It's a wacky comedy about two X-treme brothers who are into X-treme sports like luging and surfing who become bumbling X-treme forest rangers.

The film culminates with the two X-treme brothers inadvertently creating a new lake in Yellowstone Park and improbably surfing its waves.

It should not be confused with 1989's Meet The Feebles, a perverse all-puppet comedy from writer-director Peter Jackson of The Lord Of The Rings fame.

Meet The Feebles is sort of a hard R-rated Muppet Show, featuring puppets engaged in adultery, rape, illicit sex, drug use, post traumatic stress disorder, suicide and murder. There's even a character who's so riddled with sexually transmitted diseases that he literally rots in front of your eyes. It's fun for the entire family!

See? They're practically the same movie! However, your grandkids will probably be bugging your for the Deedles film, so choose wisely lest the state ban you from seeing them again.

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 1, Episode 13: T.R.A.C.K.S.

Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. is back after a couple weeks off. Don't get too comfortable with its return though, because it's about to be pre-empted again due to the Winter Olympics. For a whole month this time.

This was the best episode yet, as slowly but surely the series continues to improve. It seems like the producers have finally listened to the audience's complaints and are taking steps to make the show better. I just hope it's not a case of too little, too late.

It's not rocket science, guys. When you decide to make a superhero show, it's a given that the audience is going to expect to see a superhero now and then. And that they'll be disappointed when they don't.

The Plot:
This week the Team boards a train to capture a device they believe will lead them to evil industrialist Ian Quinn. Hijinx ensue. And Quinn kills Skye maybe. Oh, and Mike Peterson becomes Deathlok.

Thoughts:
• I liked the Rashomon story structure, in which we see the same sequence of events from various character's viewpoints.

• There were lots of fun character bits in this episode as the Team went undercover. Coulson and Simmons in particular were good, posing as father and daughter. 

Likewise Coulson and Ward trying to activate the holo-table. Funny, but unfortunately not terribly realistic. Why would it be so hard to operate? We've seen Fitz using simple gestures on the table like it was a giant iPad, so why wouldn't Coulson and Ward be able to do the same?

• Hey, ABC, a bit of advice: things like the little Stan Lee cameo might be more fun for the audience if you didn't promote the living hell out of them a month in advance. Just sayin.'

• Fitz does an American accent! It always fascinates me when I hear Brits speaking like Americans. What accent? Americans don't have an accent! We're the default!

• Melinda May in a catsuit!

• OK, when May was on top of the train and used a parachute (?) to quickly fly off it, the FX were a bit wonky. I'm sure creating effects on a TV budget and schedule though, so I'll cut 'em some slack.

• Ian Quinn's men seem to have Night-Night Gun (oy, that name) technology too. Or something damned similar. Where'd they get that? Is someone at S.H.I.E.L.D. providing tech to the enemy? Or did the Clairvoyant get the instructions to build the gun from Fitz's mind?

• A few weeks ago I suspected they were setting up Mike Peterson to become Deathlok, and sure enough, that's exactly what happened. He doesn't look much like the Deathlok of the comics though, who's much more cybernetic. This version just has a bionic leg and eye. What good is one bionic leg gonna be to him? Is he going to hop over tall buildings in a single bound? He's certainly not going to be able to run at super speeds with only one super leg.

Maybe this is just the initial version of him, and he's going to become more machine-like as the series progresses? After all, his bionic leg started out as a tube the size of a bucket of chicken and it expanded much like a Transformer to become full sized. Maybe it's going to continue to expand until it envelops his entire body, making him look more like his comic namesake? If so, cool. Well, cool for us in the audience, not so much for Mike.

• So Ian Quinn shoots Skye in the gut a couple times and leaves her for dead. I'll admit that was a bit shocking, but it wasn't the jaw dropping bombshell the producers obviously intended. I'm just not emotionally invested enough in these characters yet to worry about their fates. I'm far more interested in Mike Peterson becoming Deathlok, and he's only been in three or four episodes.

Oddly enough the other characters' reaction to Skye's injury was far more emotional than her actual fate. Coulson in particular stood out, as he stared at Skye in the hyperbaric chamber, silently blaming himself for putting her there.

I wouldn't worry too much about Skye though. They ain't gonna kill her off-- yet. Not before we find out what her alleged superpowers are.

Out Of Context All In The Family Moment

So I'm watching All In The Family today and this happened.

Apparently after 23 years of marriage, Edith finally got fed up with Archie's crap. "Alright for you, Ahhchie Bunka" she said as she calmly sneaked up behind him during one of his rants. She clocked him in the back of the head with a rolling pin and he dropped like a sack of wet cement.

She laid him out on the kitchen table and stared with detachment at his unconscious form for a few minutes. Then with clinical precision she bent over him and scooped out both his eyeballs with a measuring spoon.

She then mounted the eyeballs on the kitchen cabinet as a grisly warning to the rest of the household.

"We'll see who stifles now!" she croaked in a flat, emotionless tone.

This Week In Awkward News Photos

Really, Yahoo? After the month Woody Allen's had, this is the best photo you could find of him?

It Came From The Cineplex: I, Frankenstein

I, Frankenstein was directed by Stuart Beattie and written by Kevin Grevioux. Beattie is primarily a screen writer, having co-written the scripts for 30 Days Of Night and G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra. Grevioux created the concept for Underworld, and played the part of Raze in the first two films of the series. I, Frankenstein is based on Grevioux's graphic novel of the same name. 

By the way, Kevin Grevioux has a small part in the film, as Dekar, Naberius' head of security and right hand man, er, demon.

I, Frankenstein has a very similar look and feel to the Underworld films, which I guess is not surprising given Kevin Grevioux's involvement in both. Fortunately this new film is much more coherent. I was not a fan of the Underworld series as I couldn't make much sense of its muddled and impenetrable mythology.

The film has been almost universally pummeled by critics, which seems kind of like schoolyard bullies beating up the class nerd. It's a Frankenstein movie, for poop's sake. What were they expecting, Shakespeare? For the record, I liked the film quite a bit. Of course it's not high art, but it entertained me for an hour and a half, and in the end isn't that a movie's job?

Of course every time I enjoy a film it's automatically doomed it at the box office. Happens every time, and this is no exception. After two weeks in theaters the film's grossed an anemic $14 million against a $65 million budget. Sorry I liked your film, producers of I, Frankenstein!

FRANKENSPOILERS AHEAD!

The Plot:
The film opens two hundred years ago as Dr. Frankenstein dies in the Arctic while pursuing his monstrous creation. The Monster (Aaron Eckhart) carries Frankenstein's body back to his ancestral home for a proper burial. While there, he's attacked by Demons before easily defeating them. 

Two Gargoyles observe the altercation and are shocked, as it's the first time a human has ever killed a Demon. They invite the Monster to join their secret war against the Demons to ensure the safety of humanity. The Monster declines.

In the present day the Monster is still alive and kicking and still killing Demons whenever he can. During a fight with a Demon he accidentally causes a human's death. The Queen of the Gargoyles (Miranda Otto) summons the Monster to their headquarters. There she explains that the Gargoyles were created by the archangel Michael to protect humanity from the Demons. She names the Monster "Adam" and urges him to join their cause.

Once again Adam refuses. Adam then meets and is befriended by a human scientist named Terra. When Terra is captured and threatened by head Demon Naberius (Bill Nighy), Adam finally joins the Gargoyles. He then fights alongside them in order to defeat the Demons once and for all, save humanity and maybe even discover if he has a human soul.

Thoughts:
• Once again a film is allegedly based on a graphic novel I've never heard of. I've been both a fan and collector of comics for decades, so this puzzles me. The same thing happened with Men In Black, Cowboys And Aliens, Red, The Losers and R.I.P.D. Why have I never seen any of these comics? Where is this magical store that sells all these books?

• The Frankenstein Monster has generally been portrayed two ways in film. There's the "Beautiful Creature" version, in which the Monster is physically perfect with an angelic countenance, and then there's the "Hideous Abomination" version, in which his appearance repulses and terrifies people.

This film kind of straddles the line. The Monster's got a handsome face and is built like an underwear model, but his body's crisscrossed with a road map of horrific scars.

For the record, the "Hideous Abomination" model is the correct one, as described by Mary Shelley in the original novel:

Shelley described Frankenstein's monster as an 8-foot-tall (2.4 m), hideously ugly creation, with translucent yellowish skin pulled so taut over the body that it "barely disguised the workings of the arteries and muscles underneath"; watery, glowing eyes, flowing black hair, black lips, and prominent white teeth. 

• I'll say this for actor Aaron Eckhart-- he's not afraid to ugly up his pretty-boy looks for a role. First Two-Face, and now the Frankenstein Monster.

• The film has a well thought out internal mythology that's cool, consistent and actually makes a certain amount of sense. What a novel idea these days.

• The Gargoyles are certainly an ethnically diverse group, as many appear to be Middle Eastern and Asian. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you. It just feels kind of forced to me, like the producers were checking ethnicities off of a list. Welcome to the age of Politically Correct Hollywood Casting.

See, Hollywood believes that if you have an ethnically diverse cast, your film will then appeal to the widest possible audience. I'd like to see if there's any hard evidence to verify that theory. Does any ethnic group really go see a movie just because Gargoyle #6 was played by one of their own? Somehow I doubt it.

This type of casting seems insulting to me. If Hollywood is really concerned about being all-inclusive (instead of just making a buck), why didn't they cast an ethnic actor in the lead role, instead of relegating them to the background characters?

• The Demons, who in reality look like, well, demons, disguise themselves as humans and all dress in contemporary clothing, looking much like Secret Service agents. The Gargoyles can also appear human when they want to, but they all dress like ren-faire rejects. If this is supposed to be a secret war between the two species, why don't the Gargoyles try to blend in a bit better?

• The Gargoyle designs looked a lot like the ones in the Gargoyles cartoon series from the 1990s. A lot. I mean really a lot. So much so that I can't help wondering if whoever designed the look of them in this film was a fan of the cartoon. I guess maybe there's only so many ways you can draw a gargoyle.

• Jai Courtney plays Gideon, the Gargoyle Queen's right hand man, er Gargoyle, and once again I marveled at his enormous head. It's downright distracting, I tell you. Every time he appeared onscreen I couldn't pay attention to his dialog because I was looking at the size of his noggin. 

If you ever read this, Mr. Courtney, please don't break me in half. I'm not mocking you. I sympathize with you. I know all too well what it's like, as I too have a larger than normal head. I'm still trying to find a hat that fits me properly. One size fits all, my ass!

• Whenever a Demon is killed, it disintegrates into a ball of fire that takes a few laps around the room before heading back down to the depths of Hell. When a Gargoyle is killed, they dissolve into an impossibly bright column of blue light that stabs Heavenward. Remember that visual.

At one point Gideon chastises Adam because he killed a Demon in plain sight of humans. He reminds Adam that their war must be kept secret from humanity at all costs.

Then a few minutes later a horde of Demons attack and the Gargoyles defend their headquarters. During this battle hundreds of fireballs swoop through the air and brilliant blue shafts of light shoot skyward, in full view of every human inhabitant of the city. So much for their secret war!

• Dr. Frankenstein's journal plays a big part in the film, as each side tries to possess it and its secrets. The journal is in amazingly good shape for a book that's over 200 years old.

• Missed opportunity: near the end of the film, the Gargoyle Queen's had enough of the Monster's crap and tells her minions to retrieve Frankenstein's journal, and once that's done, destroy him. I was really, really expecting her to then say, "Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed!" but alas, she didn't. 

• The CGI effects looked pretty good throughout the film, until the end. During the state-mandated "everything has to blow up at the end" scenes, the quality of the effects took a definite downward turn (to my eyes at least). I'm wondering if the studio ran out of time and/or money and had to finish quickly, before the effects were perfected?

An action-packed updating of the Frankenstein story that's being unjustly shunned at the box office. I don't know why, as it's probably the best "Frankenstein Teams Up With Gargoyles Against Demons" movie we're likely to ever get. I give it a B-.