In Space, No One Can Hear You Retch

For several years now, toy company NECA has been making highly detailed action figures from the various ALIEN movies. This week they released a figure of the terrifying alien hybrid from ALIEN: Resurrection.

Hmm. Admittedly it's been a while since I've seen the movie, but I don't remember the alien sporting a... gigantic infected vagina like the figure appears to have.

The Predator Movie Just Got Retroactively Stupider

A couple weeks ago I posted my review of the terrible, horrible no-good very bad The Predator movie, pointing out how muddled, nonsensical and just plain stupid it was.

It's hard to believe, but apparently it could have been even stupider.

As I pointed out in my review, the entire original third act of the movie was scrapped and reshot. This week, NECA toys released an action figure based on a character from this aborted third act.

Behold the Emissary Predator. In the original script, several Emissaries came to Earth and teamed up with our army to help us puny humans defeat the big bad Super Predator. Stupid, yes, but it's about to get even stupider.

Note that this figure of the Emissary Predator is wearing military camouflage armor and pants, that he apparently borrowed from the army. 

Think about it for a minute. A Predator. An alien who can become invisible. Wearing camouflage.

I... I just don't know anymore...

By the way, in case you don't believe that this figure's from the rejected third act, here's some behind the scenes photos from the movie of the Emissaries in action:

KHAAAAAAN Do!

Pictured here is a new Star Trek action figure diorama from Diamond Select Toys. It's based on the Original Series episode Space Seed, aka The One That Introduced Khan.

Looks pretty good, but I have one question about it— why does Captain Kirk hate Khan's crotch so much?

Spider-Blast

Saw this photo of a new Spider-Man: Homecoming action figure today:

At first glance, it looked for all the world like the figure was blasting a clear plastic fart cloud out of its nether regions! Just look at it! Tell me that's not a Spider-Man figure with a special fart accessory! Once you see it, there's no way you can ever unsee it.

I think the transparent part is supposed to be a stand to help hold the figure in swinging poses. I can't think of a worse way they could have photographed it though.

Is That Your Shell, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Mondo toys is producing a series of 1/6 scale (approximately 12" high) action figures of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The figures are based on the look of the original comic book characters.

I'm just gonna go ahead and say it— toy companies, it's time to stop trying to sculpt tails on TMNT figures. I don't care if it's comic-accurate, please stop.

That Takes Guts!

This week, Hasbro unveiled their new line of Guardians Of The Galaxy 2 action figures, part of their Marvel Legends line. Yep, even though the movie doesn't come out until May of 2017, they're already marketing it.

Among the figures in the line is Yondu, as played by actor Michael Rooker. Yondu had a fairly large role in the first film, and I remember being dismayed that for some reason he was missing his traditional red fin.

Looks like Marvel heard my complaints, and Yondu will now be be-finned in the sequel. Huzzah!

So what the heck's going on with this action figure, I hear you ask? What's the deal with that rubbery... thing protruding from Yondu's hip? I think that's supposed to be his magic arrow. If you'll remember, in the first film Yondu had some sort of high-tech arrow that could fly, and which he controlled by whistling. 

I believe that's what's going on here, based on the figure's oddly puckered lips. I think the squiggly pink plastic ribbon is supposed to represent the arrow's contrail as it flies through the air.

Either that or the arrow somehow got caught on Yondu's intestines, and is unspooling them out of his gut as it flies away. Now that I think about it, that seems the more likely explanation. Yep, definitely alien intestines. 

Anti-Brazilian

This DC Comics character Starfire, a member of the Teen Titans. She's an alien superhero who's usually depicted with a foot-length mane of fiery, red hair.

So I was in my local comic shoppery last week, and I saw they were selling a Mego-like action figure of Starfire, complete with her trademark auburn locks. Unfortunately whoever packaged this figure did so in the worst way possible, tucking Starfire's hair into a most unfortunate place.

Somebody get that woman a Lady Gillette, stat!

Scraping The Bottom Of The Star Trek Barrel

Each year the San Diego Comic Con features a series of overpriced, limited edition "exclusive" action figures and toys for sale.

This year Mattel's getting in on the act, offering an exclusive Hot Wheels 1964 Buick Riviera. Oddly enough, the toy car comes with a tiny Mr. Spock figure, casually leaning against the hood. It sells for a whopping $20, which is quite a markup from Hot Wheel's usual $1.50.

Apparently this is from that little-seen Star Trek episode in which the Enterprise is captured by a race of alien hot rod enthusiasts, and Spock saves the day by showing off his awesome cherry ride, which shames them into releasing the ship.

Actually the exclusive is based on this publicity photo of actor Leonard Nimoy in full Spock regalia, leaning against the car he purchased during the first season with his Star Trek paycheck.

OK, so it's kind of an amusing photo (in that "Spock faintly smiles while slightly raising one eyebrow" way), but does it really deserve to have a toy based on it? It definitely feels like they're reaching here. 

What's next, an action figure of James Doohan polishing the five hundred piece Craftsman toolset he bought during Season 2?

As unnecessary as the Spock figure is, it's still not as silly as the Ice Cream Guy action figure from the Star Wars line.

All Dolls Must Die!

I don't quite understand why, but for some reason toy company Factory Entertaiment is making a 12' plush talking doll of Game Of Thrones author George R.R.R.R.R. Martin. 

Great. Now Martin's taking time to record lines for a doll instead of finishing his goddamned series.

Why anyone would want a snugly plush doll of America's favorite procrastinating, character-murdering author, I have no idea. Perhaps it's therapeutic— the next time he kills off one of your favorite characters you can stomp on him or hurl him against the wall in a fit of rage.

The doll reportedly speaks ten phrases, such as, "When you play the Game Of Thrones, you win or you die."

Hmm. I wonder if it'll also say "F*ck You!" Or maybe it'll get defensive about not finishing the novels, and say, "Some of you are angry that I watch football during the fall. Some of you hate my other projects. Some of you don't want me attending conventions, teaching workshops, touring and doing promos, or visiting places like Spain and Portugal or Finland. More wasting time, when I should be home working." 

One has to wonder if the doll was supposed to come out last year, but was delayed for several months while Martin worked on writing its lines.

Just in case you doubt that Martin is spending too much time in the spotlight and not enough time at the writing desk, may I remind you HE NOW HAS HIS OWN DOLL. Think about that for a moment. He's become so well known from appearing on talk shows and granting so many interviews that a toy company can make a doll of him that's recognizable to the general public.

How many other authors do you think the average person can identify by sight? Shakespeare, Mark Twain, and... that's it. I can't think of any other current author who's so well known.

The George R.R.R.R. Martin plush doll will be available in the third quarter of 2015 (unless he delays it) and retails for $29.99.

Blushing Bride

At long, long, long last! Storm Collectibles presents their new 1/6 Scale Dennis Rodman Wedding Dress Edition Collectible Figure!

Who can forget when celebrity and NBA superstar Dennis Rodman announced his bisexuality and famously married himself to promote his 1996 autobiography Bad As I Wanna Be? Now you can relive this magical moment in time all year long, as you gaze in wonder at this beautiful and exquisitely detailed collectible figure.

Featuring an eerily realistic likeness of Rodman, simulated nasal jewelry, hand-painted excessive tattooing, stylish blonde wig and a custom-tailored wedding ensemble, this special edition figure will delight the sports fan and reality show gawker alike!

Why did it take nineteen long years for this figure to finally become a reality?

Too Little, Too Late, Too Much

This week a company called Dragon Studios announced they're finally making a Baby Groot figure from this summer's mega-hit Guardians Of The Galaxy.

Talk about timely! The film premiered August 1, and the figure's due to be released in November, when the horse will not only be out of the barn, but down the road and well into the next county.

Why in the name of Stan Lee's Toupee was this toy not available when the movie first came out? Heck, they could have set up a card table outside every theater showing it and sold millions of these things to eager fans with money in their pockets. Marvel really dropped the ball here. I'm betting that someone in their marketing department probably received a hearty firing over this lack of foresight. 

Anyway, at long last you can get your Groot fix with this pre-painted model kit. The press release says it's scanned from the actual prop used in the film, so if you demand screen accuracy in your cinematic replicas, you're in luck. Baby Groot is seven inches high, and it's not clear what they mean by that. Is Baby Groot himself is seven inches high? Or do they mean the entire thing, pot and all, is seven inches? If I had to guess, I'd say the latter.

Now for the bad news: the Baby Groot model doesn't do anything. Doesn't move, doesn't squeak, doesn't sway to the rhythm of The Jackson 5ive's I Want You Back. Doesn't do anything but sit on your shelf and look cute. Disappointing!

And then there's the price tag. The Baby Groot model kit will set you back a whopping $80! Eighty smackers! Holy crap! That seems like excessive for a piece of simulated wood that doesn't even dance. Or massacre a corridor full of alien soldiers with a smile on its face. Or form a protective cocoon around you with its branches.

I wouldn't mind having a Baby Groot to collect dust on my own shelf, but between the ultra delayed release date and the week's worth of groceries price, I'm gonna have to pass.

I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: Catwoman Classic Batman Action FIgure

It's been nearly five decades since the Batman TV series premiered on ABC in 1966, and toys based on the show are just now starting to trickle out.

Several companies have begun releasing Batman action figures in various scales. Neca got the rights to make 18" figures and Hot Toys is releasing high end 12" figures later this year (huzzah!). 

Mattel secured the 6" license. Last year they released several Batman TV Series figures, including Batman, The Joker, The Riddler, The Penguin and Surf's Up Batman, which I reviewed here. They also made a Robin figure, that you can only get in a special two pack with Batman (a blatant marketing move) and a pretty nice Batmobile scaled to the figures.

And now finally they've released the much anticipated Catwoman figure, to complete the line. Why Catwoman wasn't released with the rest of the figures, I have no idea.

At first I thought maybe they were planning to produce less of her to artificially drive up demand so they could charge more for her (which toy companies do all the time), but she cost the same as the other figures. It's a mystery.

Obviously this is the Julie Newmar version of Catwoman, from the first two seasons of the series. As likenesses go, this is a pretty good one. It's definitely Julie Newmar we're looking at here. They even got her odd trifurcated eyebrows down (Really, spell check? You don't flag "trifurcated?"). 

By the way, Lee Meriwether portrayed Catwoman in the Batman movie, and Earth Kitt played her in the show's third season.

I remember watching the show back in the day and absolutely hating Eartha Kitt. Not because she was black, mind you, but simply because she wasn't Julie Newmar. I was a kid and didn't cotton to change. As an adult I've come to appreciate Kitt's performance though.

Actually the show was pretty progressive and probably quite provocative for the 1960s. There was always a degree of sexual tension between Catwoman and Batman, and I'll bet the sight of a black woman aggressively flirting with a white man-- on a kid's show yet-- raised more than a few eyebrows (trifurcated as well as normal).

Catwoman comes dressed in her traditional slinky, form-hugging suit, which in reality was quite a feat of engineering. Kudos to whoever designed it. I have a feeling the amount of dads who watched the show increased dramatically when Catwoman guest-starred.

Her necklace is sculpted into her body rather than being a separate piece, which is probably a good idea. It won't get lost in the shag carpeting that way.

Note that she's also wearing her cat ears, as is only natural for someone who calls herself "Catwoman." You hear that, Christopher Nolan, and your movie in which your no-fun version of Catwoman doesn't wear cat ears, and you don't even call her "Catwoman" in dialog?

I don't really have anything to say about this photo. Let's just sit quietly and enjoy the view, shall we?

I naturally assumed that since Catwoman's wearing heels that she'd never be able to stand by herself. Imagine my surprise when I found out she not only can stand, but is pretty darned stable. It's like a miracle.

Female action figures are typically shorter than their male counterparts, but Catwoman appears to be the same height as Batman. I don't think that's a mistake on Mattel's part. Adam West is reportedly 6' 2," while Newmar is a whopping 5' 11!" Now that's a big gal!

Catwoman is quite flexible and posable, just like the real thing.

Like all the figures in the line, Catwoman comes with a stand featuring one of the sound effect title screens from the show.

And now we come to the mystery of the cards. Each figure came with a photo card, which when laid out formed an image of the Batcave. 

Unfortunately I couldn't figure out how the cards from the first five figures were supposed to line up.

No matter how I arranged them, they just didn't work.

I finally figured out why. I was missing the Catwoman card. Derp! Once she was finally released, the cards fit together perfectly. Mystery solved!

Here's the other side of the cards, featuring paintings of each of the characters. It was nice of Mattel to include these I supposed, but I have no idea what to do with them and honestly they're probably going to go in a drawer.

I'm very happy Mattel gave us a Catwoman-- many times toy companies skip the female characters, as they think young boys won't want to play with a dumb ol' girl toy. I think they realized that this line was only going to appeal to people "of a certain age" though, and that's no doubt why they included her.

And it only took fifty years to get a line of decent Batman TV toys. Bring on Wave 2!

I'm A Grown Man And I Bought This: NECA 18" Pacific Rim Gipsy Danger

 A while back I reviewed Wave 1 of NECA's 7" Pacific Rim action figures. Tonight I'm reviewing their new 18" Gipsy Danger figure.

For those of you interested in packaging (I'm not, as I free all my figures from their cardboard prisons), here's a look at the front and back of the box. The front offers a good view of the figure, while the back shows it in an action pose. It's reasonably collector friendly if you'd like to take the figure out and look at it before sticking it back into the box.

By the way, don't bother looking for this figure in any brick and mortar store. I was barely able to find it online, and even then after only after a couple weeks of searching. You might be able to find it at a comic book store or a place like Coconuts, but I wouldn't bet on it. Online is your best option here.

For some reason all the Pacific Rim toys are as scarce as hen's teeth. I'm not sure why-- giant robots fighting giant monsters? That's a match made in toy heaven. Instead of cool figures like these, the toy aisles are clogged with Man Of Steel crap that are rotting untouched on the shelves.

And here we come to the bane of my existence. Once you pull the figure from the box, you're not done! You've got your work cut out for you, as there are at least thirteen wire ties to get through before you can release the figure. What sadistic bastard thinks this is a good idea?.

Once you finally get it out of the package, you're rewarded with a huge, solid and very nicely detailed action figure.

I'm not kidding when I say it's detailed. It's covered in little hatches and panels and vents. The longer you look at it the more detail you see. It really is an amazing piece of work.

In addition to the excellent detailing the figure features a top notch paint job. The pistons look suitably grease covered, the wiring looks like, well, wiring and the outer panels have a wash on them to simulate wear. In the film the Jaegers didn't just roll off the assembly line, they'd been around for years and taken quite a beating. The paint wash helps sell that idea and is a welcome addition. 

Now the bad news. I was disappointed with the articulation of the figure. The 7" version wasn't very well articulated, but that's to be expected. A figure in this scale should have articulation coming out its... er, ears. Sadly, it doesn't.

That's not to say it doesn't have any. The head turns and the shoulders appear to be ball jointed, although the design of the body limits their movement. The elbows and wrists are articulated as well. There's an ab-crunch joint that doesn't really move much, and hip, knee, ankle and heel articulation.

Now I admit that when you list it all out like that it sounds like a lot, but the range of motion of many of the joints is limited and can't really move much. There's no excuse for that in a figure of this size.

I suppose the limited articulation may be a result of trying to keep the cost down. Stupid economic and price points! 

Here's an example of the sub-par articulation. The elbow joints allow you to bend the arms an astonishing 45 degrees or so. That was, I say that was sarcasm, son.

 I was also disappointed by the hands. They're forever frozen in fist form. A figure this size ought to have some sort of finger articulation, or an extra set of hands at least. 

Again, this probably came down to cost.

Articulation complaints aside, this really is a beautiful figure. Well, if you think giant robots are beautiful, that is. Just look at that profile!

Here's a close up of the detailing on the legs. Pretty cool!

More leg details, including pistons, vents and simulated machinery.

There are all kinds of flanges and plates that appear to be separate pieces that are glued onto the figure, rather than molded as one big piece. This helps it look more detailed and less toy like.

A lot of these hatches and flanges feel like they should open up. If they do, I haven't figured out how to open them.

The only such moveable parts I've found are these flaps on the back. I'm not really sure what they're supposed to be or why they decided to make them-- and only them-- move, but there you go.

Surprisingly the figure can stand by itself in this obligatory reverse Bigfoot pose.

The 18" Gipsy Danger (man, I can't get used to spelling "gypsy" with an "I") has a light up feature in the head and chest. It's activated by a well-hidden button on the back of its neck.

The light up feature is pretty darned bright too.

Hey, when it's lit up like that it looks just like a scene from the movie...

No, wait. THIS is how it looked in the movie. You'd think that in this day and age we'd have advanced past the point where we have to render our CGI characters in the dark and the rain to make them look real, but I guess not.

Gipsy Danger comes with two, and only two, accessories: the chain swords. You plug the chain swords into slots at the wrist, above the hands.

I'm not sure why they included two chain swords, as they only used one in the movie, but I'm not gonna look a gift accessory in the mouth. 

I kind of wish they'd given us one rigid and one flaccid (heh) chain sword, as in the film.

Here's the 18" Gipsy Danger next to the usual can of Pepsi Throwback for scale. As you can see, she's big. Very big. Surprisingly big. I have no idea where I'm going to display her either. I need a bigger house. Or less crap.

Here's the 18" Gipsy Danger next to the 7" version. Quite a difference!

A cut scene from Pacific Rim, in which the massive Gipsy Danger tenderly cradles its offspring.

So what's the verdict? Is the 18" Gipsy Danger a buy or a pass? It's very highly detailed and looks awesome, but the articulation and accessories are somewhat lacking, considering the scale and the price point. It's got a nice light up feature too. It's not a perfect figure by any means, but I'd say the pros outweigh the cons. If you're a fan of the film, you have room for it and you're lucky enough to find one, I say go for it.