Friday, July 12, 2013

Tales From The Grocery: Spray Butter

A while back I got a second job as a cashier at a grocery store in order to pay off some bills. It was a miserable, humiliating and demoralizing experience in every measurable sense, and I got the hell out of there as soon as the bills were paid. I feel genuinely sorry for anyone who has to work in such a place. 

Here is another terrifying Tale From The Grocery. All Tales are 100% true.

The store in which I worked was positively lousy with shoplifters. Someone was arrested there virtually every day I worked.

One day I came in and saw a swarm of police detaining yet another sticky-fingered perp. One of the officers was holding the item the thief had allegedly stolen. So what was it? Beer? Steaks? Batteries? Porn mags?

Nope. He stole spray butter. Yeah, I said spray butter.

You know, I could almost understand it if the guy had stolen medicine or baby formula. Something his infant child urgently needed. I wouldn't agree with his methods, but I could sympathize with his desperation. 

But spray butter? That's worth the risk of jail time? 

I guess his baked potato was just too damned dry and it needed buttered pronto whether he had the money or not.

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