Monday, June 29, 2015

Flame On!

Last week former Baptist pastor Rick Scarborough made a bold public announcement. During a podcast interview, Scarborough declared that if the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage, he would set set himself on fire in protest.

"We are not going to bow," said Scarborough. "We are not going to bend, and if necessary we will burn!"

Wow, that's certainly impressive, if needlessly dramatic. But good for you, Rick! Way to stick to your principles. You're obviously far more passionate about the subject than I am. I mean, burning yourself alive, just to make a point? Wow. That's commitment. Not to mention painful. That'll show those icky old gays... er, somehow.

Well, Rick? We're waiting... Any time now. Give everyone a shout when you're ready to set yourself ablaze. We'll all be watching. Yep, we'll be right here, when you're ready to give it a go. Rick? Are you there, Rick?

Well, it seems we all misunderstood Rick's earlier statement. See, when he said he'd set himself on fire if gays won the right to marry, he didn't mean he'd set himself on fire if gays won the right to marry. So you can see how we'd all be confused by that concise and straightforward statement.

Rick claims he was misquoted, and didn't mean he'd literally set himself on fire. According to Rick, "I made that comment to paraphrase a spiritual song." Ah, yes, the old traditional hymn Jesus, I'm A'Gonna Set Myself On Fire If Gays Win The Right To Marry.

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