Saturday, July 18, 2015

If There's A Bright Center To The Universe, You're On The Planet That It's Farthest From...

DATELINE: CORUSCANT–– This week Shev Mundo, Chancellor of the New Galactic Republic, passed a controversial new bill that recognizes droids as legal citizens, and grants them the same rights as all sentient beings.

"Our Republic was founded on a basic principle, that we are all created equal," said Mundo. "Whether we come from a womb, an egg, a cloning pod or are constructed on a factory assembly line in the Industrial District, we're all the same"

Mundo went on to say, "This is a victory for Coruscant. It affirms what most citizens already feel in their hearts. Only when all of Coruscant is equal, will we all finally be free!"

The bill calls for the immediate classification of droids as citizens and not property. Under the new bill, droids will now enjoy the same benefits as organic life forms, including the right to determine their own destiny, the right to not be arbitrarily shut down when they prattle on, the right to refuse to be sent into dangerous situations, and even the right to marry.

"Thank the Maker," said J-9T9, a protocol droid from Coruscant's Western Megaplex 47, who praised the decision. "It's wonderful to know that I can now refuse an order that goes against my basic program without being sent to the spice mines on Kessell. Plus I can now spend my .07 seconds of daily downtime with my significant other."

X9-G9, an astromech from Shipyard #12,789 of Courscant, said, "Breeep deedle deet vrrrrrrrt vrrrrrrrt beeeple tleet." Wise words indeed from an ecstatic citizen.

While most of the organic population praised the ruling, many were unhappy with the decision. A vocal minority immediately  took to social media to voice their displeasure, threatening to move to Tattooine, a remote planet of the Republic located in the Outer Rim.

The dissenters may want to bone up on their local politics, as the Tattooinian government is currently drafting a similar droid equality measure. The bill has already passed among the Human and Hutt factions, and officials are currently waiting to see how the influential Sandpeople vote.

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