It's The Most Logical Meal Of The Day

Check out this vintage advertisement! Spock seems uncharacteristically surprised to find out his agent's roped him into this publicity stunt featuring "Breakfast With Eight Lucky Ladies."

According to the ad, this festive occasion took place at the Three Crowns Restaurant in the Hilton Hotel, which is presumably in New York City. Here's what the Three Crowns looked like— we;;, decades ago, at least. Tres chic! Or is it? It just looks like a crowded, noisy cafeteria to me. 

I wonder if Nimoy wore his Spock makeup to this shindig? After all, that's what the Eight Lucky Ladies fell in love with, right? They'd likely have been disappointed if plain old round-eared, horizontal-eyebrowed Leonard Nimoy strolled in.

I can only imagine how awkward this breakfast must have been. Poor Nimoy had to sit there and try to think of something to talk about with eight strangers for an entire breakfast. Sounds like he— and the bevy of ladies— had to ride in a parade float as well.

The ad says the big day was on February 1, 1969. That was the final year of the series! The last episode aired just a few months later, on June 3. I wonder if the cast had gotten the cancelation notice yet? If so, that would have made this get-together DOUBLY awkward!

Eh, Not So Fast There, Hipster Spock

Today I was watched the trailer for Season 2 of the dumpster fire known as Star Trek: Discovery (aka STD), and something occurred to me.

At one point Sexy Hipster Spock appears and gravely intones, "This Angel showed me an apocalyptic vision. Someone, or something, is going to end all sentient life in the galaxy." 

Sigh...

First of all, why is it that every threat on this show always seems to involve the ENTIRE goddamned universe, instead of just one planet?

Secondly, did the writers forget that STD is a fraking prequel series? I'd say it's a given that whoever or whatever this Angel is, it can't be that much of a threat, since Spock went on to star in three seasons of The Original Series as well as eight of the movies. Obviously the Angel's gonna be defeated somehow.

This crap right here is why prequels are always a bad idea.

By the way, what in the name of Spock's Beard is going on at the end of this particular trailer? In the final scene, traitor Michael Burnam enters a turbolift with Captain Pike and his entourage. A lizard-like alien is already inside the lift, and Michael asks if he's OK. He hisses that he's sick, and then sneezes a huge wad of snot on the blue shirt next to him. Ha, I guess?

Note that this scene is almost a frame by frame copy of a similar one from The Orville. Seriously, the framing is exactly the same.

What the hell? Is this scene a not-so-subtle little jab at The Orville? Or a friendly acknowledgment perhaps?

Or did the producers of Discovery read all the criticisms that the show's too dark and joyless, and are attempting to copy The Orville's lighter tone in a desperate attempt to increase the ratings and win over the fans? I... I dont' understand what's happening anymore.

Use The Force, Doctor Spock!

This past weekend, CBS released a new trailer for Season 2 of Star Trek Discovery, or as I like to call it, STD. Among other things, the trailer gave us our first look at actor Ethan Peck as Spock.

But this ain't your grandpa's Spock, laws no! That would be so 1966! This isn't even the oddly violent and emotional Zachary Quinto version from the Kelvin Timeline. Nope, this is a New And Improved, Sexy Spock. A sultry Vulcan for the new millennium.

Annnnnnnnd, I'm out.

Actually I was out long before this appeared. I gave STD a shot, and watched the first three episode. That was all I needed to realize that this series was not for me. 

Spock may be my all-time favorite character from any medium, so it pains me... no, that's not right... it pisses me off to see him treated so shabbily. It's obvious modern writers and directors don't understand the character, since they keep getting him so hopelessly wrong.

Sigh...

Rian Johnson and Kathleen Kennedy killed my love for Star Wars, and the BBC's turned Doctor Who into something I can no longer stomach. Now CBS just murdered my lifelong passion for Trek. Time to go lie down in traffic!

In Seach Of... Spock?

After playing Spock for three seasons on Star Trek, Leonard Nimoy hosted the series In Search Of in 1977.

After playing Spock in three recent Star Trek movies, Zachary Quinto is hosting a reboot of In Search Of in 2018.

I see what you did there, History Channel.

Citation Needed

This week Wikipedia announced it's no longer accepting articles or links from the Daily Mail, because its stories and reporting are "too unreliable."

Wikipedia of course is a popular online encyclopedia that's editable by scholars and casual readers alike. The Daily Mail is a British daily tabloid newspaper that's been published in London since 1896.

In a statement released by Wikipedia, they stated that the Daily Mail was "generally unreliable, and their use is to be generally prohibited, especially when other, more reliable sources exist." They went on to say that the tabloid has "a reputation for poor fact checking, sensationalism and flat-out fabrication."

You know, I'm pretty sure Spock once said something like this to an android to make its head explode.

Happy Fiftieth Anniversary To Star Trek!

As everyone and their dog has already pointed out by now, today marks the 50th Anniversary of Star Trek. The very first episode of the series premiered at 8:30 pm on Thursday, September 8, 1966. Why 8:30 instead of 8:00? Because back in those days, prime time began at 7:30 for some odd reason, so many hour long shows actually started on the half hour.

The first episode that aired was The Man Trap, aka The One With The Salt Vampire. It was actually the sixth episode filmed, but NBC decided to air it first because they thought it was the most "exciting." Plus is featured a cool monster.

Most critics of the time weren't impressed. Variety said the show "Won't work," and that it was "An incredible and dreary mess of confusion and complexities." Which just goes to prove that critics have never known what the hell they're talking about.

The first episode came in at #1 in its time slot, probably because it was up against reruns of The Tammy Grimes Show on ABC and My Three Sons on CBS (believe it or not, there were only three networks in those days). Unfortunately in its second week, the competition aired brand new episodes, and Star Trek fell to second place, and two weeks later it was ranked 51st in the ratings. Which just goes to prove that the ratings system is flawed and meaningless, and doesn't judge the true popularity of a program.

I didn't really watch the show when it was first broadcast. Like most families, we only had one TV set back then, which my Dad controlled with an iron fist. He thought Star Trek was "stupid," so the instant it came on, he changed the channel to something else. I have some vague, foggy memories of seeing it a couple of times though (probably at someone else's house). I remember seeing a couple guys— one with pointed ears— walk into a room and disappear. I was way too young to understand what I was watching though.

When I was in junior high my local UHF station started running the show in syndication, and that's when I really discovered it. By then I was old enough to understand and appreciate the series, and it quickly became a huge part of my life. I've seen every episode more times than I can count, and bought enough tie-in merchandise to fill a modest-sized home (as one look inside my modest-sized home can attest).

I dutifully watched all the various spin-off series, and even though some of them were excellent, they never quite managed to recapture the magic of the Original Series. There's something about that Kirk/Spock/McCoy triumvirate that just can't be topped.

I've written numerous posts about how Star Trek and its characters affected my life, so I won't go over that well-worn ground again. But I will wish Star Trek a Happy 50th Anniversary. Here's to fifty more!

Hi-Def Revelations: Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan

Back in 2014 I finally retired my twenty year old picture tube TV and bought a hi-def set— some ten years or so after the rest of the world did so. Hey, don't judge. I was waiting to see if all this hi-def jazz was just a passing fad or if it was going to catch on. I ain't no early adopter!

Anyway, the past few months I've been rewatching a lot of my favorite movies on blu-ray in glorious 1080p resolution, and it's been, pardon the pun, eye opening. I'm seeing all kinds of things I never noticed before when I watched films in low-def, like a common peasant. 

For example, here's a high-def detail for you: I'm starting to suspect that Yoda was not just a little person in elaborate prosthetic makeup as I used to think, but actually some sort of Muppet. Who knew?

Anyway, on to tonight's Hi-Def Revelation. I recently watched the new blu-ray release of Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan. It contains both the theatrical version and the Director's Cut, which includes several additional minutes of footage.

I noticed something odd this time around during the opening scene. Is… is that a NO SMOKING sign there on the bridge, just behind Dr. McCoy?

Yes. Yes it is. There it is again, just to the left of Spock (you may have to zoom in to read it). 

Huh. People generally don't put up signs unless they're needed, so I guess this means that Starfleet officers puffing away while on duty must have been a real problem on the Enterprise.

I'd have thought that in the bright and shiny world of the 23rd Century, a filthy, disgusting habit like smoking would have fallen out of favor long ago.

So who was lightin' up butts on the bridge? I doubt it was Captain Kirk— he needs all the lung power he can get to do that move where he jumps up and kicks an alien in the side while falling on his back. There's no way it's Spock, and as a doctor, I would hope McCoy would know better.

Sulu seemed too health conscious to smoke, and Uhura would probably worry about what cigarettes would do to her skin. Chekov, maybe. Although he'd have to be careful to keep a lit cig away from his toupee.

That leaves Scotty. I could definitely see him as a smoker. He certainly had no problem with alcohol, as he was alway getting sh*tfaced drunk in every other episode. Definitely Scotty.

As Spock would say, "Deliberately inhaling heated carcinogenic vapors is not logical!"

Scraping The Bottom Of The Star Trek Barrel

Each year the San Diego Comic Con features a series of overpriced, limited edition "exclusive" action figures and toys for sale.

This year Mattel's getting in on the act, offering an exclusive Hot Wheels 1964 Buick Riviera. Oddly enough, the toy car comes with a tiny Mr. Spock figure, casually leaning against the hood. It sells for a whopping $20, which is quite a markup from Hot Wheel's usual $1.50.

Apparently this is from that little-seen Star Trek episode in which the Enterprise is captured by a race of alien hot rod enthusiasts, and Spock saves the day by showing off his awesome cherry ride, which shames them into releasing the ship.

Actually the exclusive is based on this publicity photo of actor Leonard Nimoy in full Spock regalia, leaning against the car he purchased during the first season with his Star Trek paycheck.

OK, so it's kind of an amusing photo (in that "Spock faintly smiles while slightly raising one eyebrow" way), but does it really deserve to have a toy based on it? It definitely feels like they're reaching here. 

What's next, an action figure of James Doohan polishing the five hundred piece Craftsman toolset he bought during Season 2?

As unnecessary as the Spock figure is, it's still not as silly as the Ice Cream Guy action figure from the Star Wars line.

To Blankly Go

Last week Paramount Pictures released a series of nine character posters for their upcoming film Star Trek Beyond.

They're definitely colorful and striking, and reasonably well designed. That said, after I saw them altogether like this, something about the layout jumped out at me. There's something... missing from the posters. Can you spot what's been left out?

THE TITLE'S MISSING! There's no title on any of the posters! Sure, they're emblazoned with a big, bold BEYOND, which is the subtitle of the film, but nowhere on any of the posters does it say "Star Trek!" What the hell?

Why, it's almost as if Paramount was ashamed of their long-running cash cow of a franchise!

The omission is especially puzzling considering this year marks the 50th Anniversary of the original TV series' premiere. Surely some sort of commemorative Star Trek 50th logo was in order here?

Maybe Paramount thinks these characters are so iconic and instantly recognizable that the posters don't need a title. If so, they're dead wrong. This is only the third time around the block with these particular versions of the characters. Without any context, I seriously doubt the general public is going to know who they're all supposed to be.

OK, so most people would probably recognize the Spock poster because of the Moe haircut and the ears, but what about the Dr. McCoy one? You can't see his blue uniform under all that visual static, so to the average moviegoer, it just looks like a poster of a mildly annoyed Karl Urban staring into the distance. And only the most rabid of fans would be able to identify Anton Yelchin as Chekov.

And what the hell's going on with this Scotty poster? Is that John Hamm as everyone's favorite excitable engineer, or a horribly Photoshopped and virtually unrecognizable Simon Pegg?

There definitely needs to be some sort of identification here. Whoever thought it was a good idea to release nine title-less posters is an idiot and needs demoted to the mailroom.

Buy your tickets and get in line today for Beyond!

Happy 7th… Annual TalkLike… William Shatner… DAY!

Happy Seventh Annual Talk Like William Shatner Day! The day citizens all over the Federation speak… haltingly while placing… pauses and emPHAsis… in un…usual places! 

Coincidentally today (March 22nd) is also William Shatner's birthday. He's 85 years young.

Honestly I'm not quite sure how the whole "excessive pausing" thing got started. If you go back and watch the original Star Trek series, he rarely if ever injects any pauses into his dialogue. 

I think what's happening is that the public hears comedians like Kevin Pollak do impressions of Shatner that are filled with exaggerated, over the top pauses. After a while the impression becomes the real thing in the public's mind. A copy of a copy, if you will.

Before I go, let me repost one of my all time favorite Shatner WTF images for your viewing enjoyment.

Evil Twin?

When I first glanced at this photo of human crown roast and presidential candidate Donald Trump, I thought he was sporting a goatee, ala the Evil Spock from the Mirror Universe. Because goatees are automatically evil, right?

Turns out it's not Mirror Trump after all, but just plain old regular Trump shoving his meaty head too close to a couple of microphones. Darn.

Now that I think about it, if everything in the Mirror Universe is reversed, then Mirror Trump would be a calm, rational and sensible candidate, who was finishing dead last in every primary...

Amok Spock

In honor of the late Leonard Nimoy, it's time for yet another Spock drawing. 

This time I thought it'd be fun to draw him like one of my French girls, er, draw a page from a fictional Little Golden Book starring Spock. And what better episode to use than Amok Time, aka The One Where Spock Goes Upstream To Spawn?

If I had the time, it might be fun to adapt the entire episode as a kid's book. Maybe I should Kickstarter that project. I'm sure CBS won't mind.

Amok Time gave us our first ever look at Spock's home planet Vulcan. It was also the first time we ever saw a female member of his race. Above is Spock's wife T'Pring, played by the lovely Arlene Martel. Note that T'Pring looks stunningly sultry and exotic, what with her elaborate, up-swept Vulcan hairstyle.

Now flash forward a couple of decades. This is Dr. Selar, a Vulcan female who made a guest appearance on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Oy gevalt! The actress' face is pretty, but why in the name of Shatner's Toupee did they give her Spock's Moe-haircut? Were they afraid the arched eyebrows and pointed ears weren't enough to clue us in that she was a Vulcan, so they had to turn her into a She-Spock as well?

Unfortunately after this episode aired, EVERY Vulcan who appeared in any of the modern Trek series all wore this exact same Spock mop-top. Pity.

Spock was drawn in Photoshop on the graphic tablet.

The Needs Of The Many...

In honor of the late Leonard Nimoy, here's my vector rendition of Mr. Spock.

The Spock we all know and love could have been a very, very different character. When producer Gene Roddenberry first made his pitch for Star Trek in 1964, he described Spock as "probably half Martian," with "a slightly reddish complexion and semi-pointed ears." He also thought it would be a good idea if rather than eating, Spock would ingest energy through a plate in his stomach (!). 

Fortunately, writer Samuel A. Peeples convinced Roddenberry that these traits would make Spock a little too alien, and suggested he be half-human in order to make him more relatable to audiences. Roddenberry agreed, and toned down Spock's alien-ness a bit. He also changed his home planet to the fictional Vulcan, because he worried that if Star Trek was a success, man might actually make it to Mars during the show's run (!!!).

Roddenberry was looking for an otherworldly name for the character, and eventually came up with the suitably alien-sounding "Spock." He claimed that at the time he hadn't heard of celebrity child expert Dr. Benjamin Spock. If he had, he no doubt would have chosen a different name, and we'd now be talking about Mr. Spork.

When it came to casting, Roddenberry inexplicably wanted DeForest Kelly for the role. Thankfully Kelly turned it down, and went on to play Dr. McCoy. Phew! Roddenberry's second choice was Adam West, but he was busy working on the film Robinson Crusoe On Mars. Phew again! The idea of Batman as Mr. Spock boggles the mind! Martin Landau was also considered for the role. 

Around that time Nimoy made a guest appearance on the Roddenberry-produced series The Lieutenant. The minute Roddenberry saw Nimoy's thin, gaunt features, he knew he'd found his Spock. He approached him for the role, Nimoy agreed, and the rest is TV history.

When NBC saw the first pilot, they were less than pleased with Spock. They worried that his "satanic" appearance would offend viewers in the South. They even went so far as to airbrush out his slanted eyebrows and pointed ears in publicity shots. Once the pilot was picked up, NBC demanded Spock be dropped from the series, which just goes to prove that network executives have never known what the hell they're doing. Luckily for us, Roddenberry persevered and the network eventually allowed Spock to stay.

Spock went on to become the most popular character on the show, receiving up to ten thousand fan letters a week.

Many of Spock's characteristics were invented by Nimoy himself. The split-fingered Vulcan salute for example, was actually a Jewish ceremonial gesture Nimoy witnessed as a child during church, and utilized it for the show. Nimoy came up with the Vulcan neck pinch as well, saying that Spock wouldn't stoop to simply punching a bad guy in the nose, and would find a more efficient and logical way to incapacitate an enemy.

Nimoy was surprised when Spock became a sex symbol, reporting, "I've never had more female attention on a set before. And get this— they all want to touch the ears!" He believed Spock appealed to women because he was "tall, dark, thoughtful, alien and exotic."

Spock has been an inspiration to many scientists and engineers, especially at NASA. Nimoy said that when many scientists met him, they would breathlessly tell him about the projects they were working on as if he were their intellectual peer (and could understand the concepts they were going on about). He said that in these situations he had a standard response: "It certainly looks like you're headed in the right direction."

After Star Trek was canceled, Nimoy tried to distance himself from the character for many years, but eventually made his peace with Spock and embraced him. In a recent interview, Nimoy said, "Given the choice, if I had to be someone else, I would be Spock."

As for the drawing, Spock's "Live long and prosper" salute gave me a lot of trouble. I just couldn't get it to look right, and finally had to (gasp) trace over a photo of him making the gesture.

Most of the characters I draw have only three fingers, which is a tradition in the world of cartoon illustration. You may note that Spock here has four. He had to— the gesture wouldn't have worked with any less.

Please forgive the ugly watermark on the illustration. I swore I would never add one to my art, because I know that 99.99% of my readers would never even think of stealing it. However, it was recently brought to my attention that a particular person out there was not only stealing my art, but selling it as her own (!). Hence the watermark, in an attempt to foil this art thief. This is why we can't have nice things.

I'm toying with the idea of selling this image as a print, if there's any interest.

Mr. Spock is a vector drawing, done all in InDesign.

This Is Not Logical

Damn, Daamn, DAAAMN!

I stopped posting celebrity obituaries on my blog a few years ago, but I'm making an exception in this case. 

By now you've all heard the news that Leonard Nimoy, TV's Mr. Spock, has died at age 83.

We all knew this day was coming, as Nimoy's health began failing in recent months. Of course that doesn't make the news any easier when if inevitably arrives. This one cuts particularly deep though. I've been watching Leonard Nimoy on TV for pretty much my entire life-- since I was six years old in fact. It seemed like he'd always be around. Losing him is quite a blow, and makes me want to find Adam West and Stan Lee and give them both a big hug.

Over the years I've been within ten feet of William Shatner and the entire cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation, minus Patrick Stewart. And I've talked with both Denise Crosby (Tasha Yar) and Robin Curtis (Saavk II). Sadly I never got the chance to meet Leonard Nimoy. Now I wish I had.

Nimoy was much more than an actor. He was a writer, poet, singer (!), photographer and a very successful film director, whose films grossed hundreds of millions of dollars. Sometimes I wonder if he racked up all those other achievements just to prove to people that he was more than just a pair of pointed ears.

When I was younger I thought Spock was the coolest person imaginable, and did my best to emulate him. Hey, there are worse role models for a kid. Some would say I copied his cold, emotionless demeanor a little too well.

His Star Trek co-stars all have nothing but praise for him, citing him as a professional and a gentleman, and as far as I know he was never embroiled in any tabloid scandals, which is more than most in Hollywood can say.

If nothing else, props to him for patiently enduring the hundreds of thousand of fans who over the years ran up to him, gave him the Vulcan salute and said, "Live long and prosper."

The Tree? Out Of Danger?

Just in time for Christmas 2015, Hallmark has released sneak peeks of next year's line of holiday ornaments.

Among them is this recreation of Spock's final moments from Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan, in which– THIRTY TWO YEAR OLD SPOILER ALERT– he dies slowly and painfully of radiation poisoning after saving the Enterprise.

Seems a bit on the morbid side to immortalize a beloved character's death in Christmas ornament form, but eh, what do I know?

The ornament reportedly features sound bites from the film, and if it doesn't include the lines, "The ship? Out of danger?," "I have been and always shall be your friend," and "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few" then I'll turn in my blogging license.

Who knows, this "death ornament" thing might just catch on. Just think of the possibilities! Why, a Walking Dead line could keep Hallmark in business for literally decades.

Who wouldn't want to adorn their Christmas tree with an ornament of this touching scene between Carol and Lizzie from The Grove episode? 

And how about a Game Of Thrones line? Imagine how many death ornaments they could make from that show. My god, is there that much petroleum left in the world?

The Needs Of The Shareholders Outweigh The Needs Of The Fans

This week Paramount Studios announced they've fired Roberto Orci as director of Star Trek 3 (or 13, depending on how you count them) and have hired Justin Lin to helm the sequel. Lin previously directed four of the Fast & Furious films.

Because if there's one thing a cerebral sci-fi series like Star Trek needs, it's more souped-up muscle cars and over the top, high-speed chase scenes. 

On the other hand, I guess he can't screw it up any worse than Orci would have. Make that already has, since he co-wrote the previous two films.

Looking forward to seeing Vin Diesel as Spock and the hologram of Paul Walker as Capt. Kirk.

One Haircut Right Or Wrong

Today North Korea announced that from this point on, all male citizens are required to sport the same hairstyle as nutsy-cuckoo despot and blessed leader Kim Jong Un. Tres chic!

So what do suppose they call that particular coif? The Un? The Macklemore? The My First Big Boy Haircut?

Sure, such a thing sounds crazy to us here in the land of the free, but ehh... who knows? Maybe it's not such a bad idea.

After all, having one standard, planet-wide haircut seemed to work out OK for the Vulcans.

Yet Another Thing Star Trek (Unfortunately) Predicted

It's amazing how much of the technology of the various Star Trek series has already come to pass in our time. Cell phones, computer tablets, hyposprays, transparent aluminum, VISORS... the list goes on and on. Heck, scientists even recently announced they may have figured out a way to build a warp drive!

But not all of the advancements the show predicted were good things. Some of them were detrimental and downright annoying. Here's a case in point.

Romulan Commander Sela captures Spock, Captain Picard and Data. She then invites them to her office so she can boast about her master plan before she kills them.

  

 

See? Even in the 24th Century people will still act like clueless assholes who diddle around with their smart phones and think their time is more valuable than yours! Star Trek predicted it way back in 1991!

* Editor's note: Bob may have done a little bit of creative editing here for comedic effect, but the scene really did play out like this.