Hung Jury

Regular readers of my blog (all two of them) know that Star Trek: The Next Generation is one of my all-time favorite TV series. It's definitely the best of the modern Treks, and depending on the mood I'm in, I might even rate it higher than The Original Series.

One of the best episodes of the series is Season 4's The Drumhead. In it, the Enterprise suffers a warp core malfunction that may or may not have been the result of sabotage. Starfleet sends retired a retired judge, Admiral Norah Satie, to investigate. Satie sees suspects everywhere she looks, and believes she's uncovered a vast conspiracy onboard the ship. When Captain Picard tells her she's going too far, she accuses him of trying to cover up his involvement in the treacherous plot to destroy the ship.

The Drumhead is an obvious bottle episode, designed to save money by taking place entirely onboard the Enterprise-D. As such, it features little or no action, and consists of scene after scene of people standing around talking. 

It should have been a dull and boring disaster, but thanks to top notch writing and excellent performances, it's one of the show's finest hours (make that forty five minutes).

I recently watched the episode again, and even though I've seen it more times than I can count, I noticed something I never saw before.

Here's a shot of Admiral Satie in the outfit she wears for much of the episode.

Note the gold necklace or brooch she's wearing. It looks exactly like a noose! That's cause she's a hangin' judge!

WOW! I can't believe I never noticed that till now. I wonder if that was intentional, or just a happy accident? It ain't exactly subtle, so it was most likely planned. Either way, it's a perfect fit for her character. Kudos to the costume designer!

On the other hand...

You can't hit a home run every time at bat.

As proof, I submit this costume from the very same episode. This gentleman's one of Admiral Satie's aids, from the planet Betazed. Looks like the poor guy woke up late and got dressed in such a hurry that he put his shirt on backwards! Seriously, it looks like he spun his head around 180°! The actor seemed really uncomfortable wearing this cockamamie thing too, as every time he'd look down even slightly the material would bunch up under his chin.

See what kind of fashions we have to look forward to?

This Week In Ill-Advised Halloween Costumes: Invisible Pedestrian

It's October, so you know what that means here at Bob Canada's BlogWorld! Dozens of posts pointing out inappropriately sexy and/or dangerous Halloween costumes! Hey, at least I'm consistent.

Amazon is currently selling a selection of bodysuit costumes by a company called Morphsuits. Here we have the new Morphsuits Kid's Costume, which as you can see, is pretty much just plain, all black bodysuit. A light absorbing, black hole of a body suit, that is, that doesn't reflect as much as a photon in the inky darkness. It also features a special velco fastened head-covering hood, completely void of eye holes!

Because when you think Halloween safety, nothing makes more sense than dressing your precious snowflake from head to toe in a jet black, vision-restricting bodysuit and sending him out into the night to awkwardly pick his way down uneven, unfamiliar sidewalks to knock on strangers' doors and beg for candy.

The second I saw this cockamamie thing, I couldn't help but be reminded of one of my favorite Saturday Night Live sketches from the Dawn Of Time. Way back in 1977, Dan Aykroyd appeared as Irwin Mainway, the sleazy president of Mainway Novelties. Mainway sold dozens of dangerous and deadly Halloween costumes to unsuspecting kids, including... the Invisible Pedestrian costume!

It took a few decades, but once again, life imitates art!

Whatever you do though, try not to lie in the street while wearing the Deserted Highway Bodysuit With Deluxe Glow In The Dark Divider Lines.

Dear Hollywood: Please Stop Doing This

Last weekend at the San Diego Comic Con, DC Comics released this teaser poster for Zack Snyder's upcoming Man Of Steel Superman movie.

Oy gevalt.

That is one ugly costume. Just look at that thing. What's with all the weird textures everywhere?  It almost looks like something my Nana crocheted. If Nana was still alive that is, and had the ability to crochet industrial strength polymers.

These days Hollywood just loooooves to festoon superhero costumes with as much superfluous detail as possible. The more the better, and then some. You know, this super-detailed trend started just about the time that hi-def televisions and blu ray players became popular. I wonder if there's a connection? Are filmmakers adding all this unnecessary detail to their superhero costumes so it'll show up all crisp and defined on viewers' hi-def 1080p sets? I think I smell a conspiracy.

And why are the colors of the suit so dark and muted? Superman's costume is supposed to be bright and colorful. What is this, his special mourning costume, that he only wears to funerals of world dignitaries and Phantom Zone ambassadors?

But maybe I'm being too harsh. After all, this is an extreme closeup taken under special mood lighting. Let's back up and take a good look at the whole costume, under more optimal light. I'm sure it'll look better then.

Oh my.

I'll say it again, that is one butt-ugly costume. I thought the ridiculous texture would only be visible in closeup, but it's very apparent here as well. And it's not just the texture of the fabric that's overdone, it's everything. The decorative piping, the silly cuffs, the art deco wings around his waist, his distracting and frankly off-putting package that makes one want to avert one's eyes... and why does the suit look dingy, like he's just finished first in a hog-catching contest? We don't yet know much about the movie's plot, did he just finish first in a hog-catching contest?

I still don't see what was wrong with this suit. It doesn't have any bizarre and unnecessary textures, it's bright and colorful, and best of all it's a perfect live action translation of the comic book version of Superman. I don't remember audiences pointing and laughing at this suit when the movie came out. In fact I think people were probably pretty darned impressed with how good it looked. It's absolutely perfect and there was no reason whatsoever to go muddying it up with a bunch of ugly textures.

It's not just Superman's costume that DC ruined. They did the same thing last year with their Green Lantern movie. They took one of the sleekest and most well-designed costumes in all of comicdom and once again went overboard with the detail and textures. Just look at that closeup of the chest area of the costume. It looks for all the world like they strapped down Ryan Reynolds, stripped off his skin and then spray painted the musculature underneath with green paint.

Incredibly, this costume was so danged complicated that they couldn't even construct it in reality. Reynolds reportedly wore some kind of motion capture suit throughout filming and they added the hyper-detailed costume over him later, through the magic of CGI.

This isn't something that just started happening; it's been going on for quite a while now. In 2006's Superman Returns they overdid it as well. Here's a closeup of the Superman costume fabric from that unfortunate piece of cinematic history.

Again, a simple costume muddied up by the addition of too much detail. And again, it looks like something my Nana would use to make a quilt or a shawl.

They didn't stop with the fabric either. Take a good close look at Superman's S-shield chest emblem there. First of all it's sculpted in three dimensions instead of being a simple patch as in years past. Then they actually etched the thing with hundreds of tiny S-shield shapes. Go ahead and enlarge the photo, I'll wait. See? They decorated the S-shield with S-shields. 

Again I have to ask why they keep doing this. Do they think it adds to my enjoyment of the movie? I can assure them it does not. I would much rather they spend their time honing and perfecting the storyline than seeing how many S-shields they can cram into Superman's chest emblem.

They did the same damn thing with the uniforms from the 2009 Star Trek film. When recreating and updating  the simple velour tunics from the original TV series, the designers felt the need to garnish the fabric with thousands of tiny Starfleet arrowheads-- the same exact shape as the little silver badge on the left side of the chest.

Again I have to ask why? Is it indeed so hi-def TVs will have something intricate to display, to show off their capabilities? Or do the filmmakers feel that the uniforms would look cheap without them? Does infinite detail = high production value?

Hilariously, Playmates Toys tried to recreate this texture in their line of 3.75" action figures based on the movie. Unfortunately it just wasn't possible at that scale, which made the Kirk and Spock figures look like they were wearing bulky cable knit sweaters. Maybe it gets chilly on the Enterprise.

These uniforms are like those computer fractal drawings, the ones that reveal infinite detail the more you zoom in. Say, just for fun, let's try it shall we? Here's a sample of Spock's uniform at 10x magnification. Yep, here we can see the thousands of tiny Starfleet arrowheads adorning the fabric.

Now here we are at 100x magnification. Look at that! I was right! Each one of the thousands of little arrowheads is filled with yet another little arrowhead! It's like that "infinite mirror" illusion at the barber shop. Wow, if nothing else, these filmmakers are certainly thorough.

Now let's zoom in even further, to 10,000x magnification. Ha! I knew it! The fabric itself is made of Starfleet arrowhead atoms! Now that's attention to detail!

Now if we could just get Hollywood to put as much work into their scripts as they do their flippin' costumes...

Something You Don't See Every Day...

Every morning on the way to work I drive past this costume shop. I noticed this colorful window display today and thought, "Now there's something you don't see every day." Well, unless maybe you live in Metropolis or Gotham City.

Here's what I first thought was a Superman costume, but the sign in the window is telling me that it's a "poodle blouse." Is that like a poodle skirt?

Note that the Superman costume comes complete with built in washboard abs. I guess in Superman's case they'd be "super abs."

It's hard to see, but if you look closely you can see that the mannequin is wearing a long, stylish black wig, very much like the hairstyle Superman had in the 1990s. Back then DC Comics was desperately trying to figure out a way to make Superman relevant to the times, so they had the brilliant idea to give him a shoulder length hairdo. Actually let's face it-- it was a mullet. Apparently the Man of Steel doesn't have Super-Style.

Next to Superman in the display window was a pretty good Supergirl costume. She needs a blonde wig to be 100% comic accurate though.

Look at this poignant image showcasing the void between Superman and Supergirl. "Why won't Superman look at me?" cried Supergirl. "H-he treats me like I'm nothing more than a derivative, female knock-off of his own character! Doesn't he know that I'm a person too?"

Superman gazes wistfully out the display window, the serene trees reflected in the glass before him. Sometimes it's lonely being a god-like super being.

I'm praying that's just some sort of support mechanism there in his trunks.

The display on the other side of the building featured Captain America. Not a bad looking suit, until you get to the faux boots. And where's Cap's iconic red, white and blue shield?

Why, look who it is, standing awkwardly in the window! It's none other than Captain America Junior! According to the signs, he's here to advertise bowling shirts (?), kid's pizza party music (??) and line dancing lights (???). I have to admit that I am totally mystified by the range of products this store sells.

Look out, Captain America Junior! That female T-1000 Terminator is sneaking up behind you!