Monday, December 9, 2013

Never Forget!

This week the Campbell's Soup company found themselves in hot water (see what I did there?) for tweeting the above image on December 8th. That's right, they used their solemn and dignified SpaghettiO's mascot to commemorate the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor.

The Internet heartily registered its outrage, as it's wont to do, causing Campbell's to hurriedly pull the image and issue an apology.

That's all well and good I suppose, but I'm less concerned with any perceived disrespect and far more troubled by the mascot itself.

Just look at that thing. I honestly don't understand what I'm seeing here. Somehow the mascot is broadly grinning and showing a massive expanse of white teeth, but its tongue is sticking out from under its upper lip. That... that shouldn't be possible. Try it, you'll see. I defy you to stick your tongue above your top row of teeth. Maybe if you had dentures, but otherwise it just goes beyond all logic.

But Bob, I hear you saying, maybe those aren't teeth in the middle of the mascot's body. Maybe that's the patented hole in center of each delicious bit of mouth-watering SpaghettiOs. Nope! That won't work either. First of all, it can't be a hole because it's a different color than the background. If it was a hole it would be colored light blue. 

And if it was a hole, then that means the mascot has no lower jaw, and its tongue is lolling obscenely from the roof of its mouth, just begging you to stove its head in with a shovel.

Look, Campbell's Soup Marketing Team, even a cartoonish mascot needs to follow a few basic rules of anatomy. Like how a damn tongue works.

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