Monday, December 2, 2013

New Service From Amazon!

This week Amazon announced an exciting new fast shipping option for Prime members-- Amazon Transporter!

According to Amazon's official press release:
We here at Amazon are excited to offer a brand new delivery system for our Amazon Prime Members-- the Amazon Transporter. 
Our team of scientists have been working diligently in our R&D lab for some time now to unlock the secrets of quantum mechanics and matter teleportation in order to give our customers a better online shopping experience. 
The goal of this new delivery system is to get items into our customers' hands in 30 seconds or less using an advanced matter teleportation system originally developed by DARPA. 
When you sign up for Amazon Transporter, a squad of highly trained technicians will come to your home and install a small circular pad onto any tabletop and connect it to your computer or wifi network. 
Once installed, simply shop the Amazon website as normal. Once an item is added to your shopping cart, select "Amazon Transporter" as your delivery method and in just thirty seconds your item (or items) will be molecularly assembled on your transporter pad.* It's that easy!  
No longer will you have to wait an interminable one to two days for your order like a common peasant. With Amazon Transporter your order will be in your hands instantly! 
*As of this time Amazon Transporter is only for use with inanimate objects such as books, CDs and DVDs. Amazon Transporter is not recommended for the delivery of organic substances such as food, cosmetics or pets, lest the fabric of space-time be weakened and cause a doorway to a formless hell-dimension to open in your home. Our technicians are working around the clock to solve these minor glitches in the system and Amazon Transporter should be cleared with the FDA and AMA for use with living tissue soon.
Looks like the future is here today! I can't wait to sign up!

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