Waving The White Flag

For over half a century now, my hometown of Evansville, Indiana has been flying the same boring, lackluster city flag. 

Spectacular, isn't it? I love the wonderfully banal non-design, as if back in 1950 someone took the letterhead from City Hall stationery and plopped it on a vast, empty field of blue. It may not be exciting, but it sure is dull!

In an effort to spice up our city's woefully uninspired banner, the Evansville Flag Project was born. Organizers of the project put out the call for new design submissions back in 2016, then sat back and watched the entries pour in. Wait, what? 2016? Did they really start this whole thing SIX freakin' years ago? What the hell?

The project ended up receiving over 200 submissions. Most were from Evansville, of course, but others came from as far away as Australia. Wait, what AGAIN? Why the holy hell would they open the contest to the entire world? Shouldn't this be a local, grass roots effort? What the hell would someone from Down Under know about Evansville? Our flavor, our vibe, our... zeitgeist?

Anyhoo, after a ridiculous six years, the Project narrowed the entries down to four finalists. They unveiled them this month, and invited the citizenry to vote on them. 

Hoo, boy!

Note that I don't have any real problem with any of these designes, but the second I saw them I KNEW there was gonna be trouble. Especially in a backward, er, I mean highly conservative city like this, full of rednecks, er, I mean people with traditional values.

The upper left and lower right options were fine, and either would have made decent replacements for what we currently have. The other two, not so much. As soon as I saw their crescent & star designs, I predicted the public would object.

And sure enough, they did. Almost instantly, the populace took to the internet to protest the two "Muslim" flag designs being forced onto the city, illustrating their displeasure with this image. 

Here's just a sampling of the angry and bitter comments (all of which are 100% true and not augmented by me in any way):

Bruce R

All are alike and very unsatisfactory, too Mid-Eastern, too un-American. I am insulted by the designs. GO BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD!!!

Nicholas H
Man this is what I woke up to this morning seeing these posts. Evansville leadership can't be serious about using any of these flags. You people should have had a larger set of options and probably even let the school kids in on the design process. Through a elimination process regardless who was involved had there been more choices to dwindle it all down to a few for the final round of votes would have surely given Evansville better options for a flag than a bunch of stuff that screams middle east. You do know we love in the opposite side of the world. I don't knock any group of people for their beliefs etc but making our flag resemble something that looks like it should be over seas is disrespectful to our own amalgamation of cultural difference here that makes our own culture. Whoever designed these should be fired and whoever pushed them forward should likewise be fired from whatever office or job they hold.

Eric G
This looks like any other middle eastern flag, I think it was poorly designed and forgettable.

David E
If any of these become our beautiful city's flag we may as well just accept the communist in the WH as our God and bow down to his completely brainless ideas which this idiotic flag TRUMPS in every way. It is ridiculous and should be burned ASAP. Wake up fools, this is a ton of crap and a smear on our city!

Cindy V
The current options are terrible though. No imagination, no creativity, and they look like a mash up of other foreign flags.

Sigh... like I said, completely predictable responses to those designs. Sucks to be right all the time.

After a couple weeks of similar outrage and vitriol, the organizers of the Evansville Flag Project threw up their hands in defeat and disbanded, calling the whole thing off.

As a result, it appears that for the time being we're back to using the bland and boring blue flag we've had since the 1950s. Typical.

You know, it's really too bad that Parks & Recreation ended its run back in 2015. I've often said that I'm convinced the producers of the show based the fictional town of Pawnee on Evansville. This real life incident would have made a PERFECT storyline for the show.

I could just see Leslie Knope deciding the city's flag needed an update, and organizing a contest to pick a new design.

We'd then get one of the show's patented Town Hall Meeting scenes, as the citizens of Pawnee voiced their anger and outrage at all the "Muslim-looking flags," and demanded they be given more traditional, American options.

A disappointed and defeated Leslie would then reinstate the old flag, and ask her boss Ron Swanson where she went wrong. He'd offer up a platitude about how people don't like change, and offer her a shot of Lagavulin whiskey. End scene.

Sign Of The Times

There's a really nice walking/running/biking trail here in my home town of Evansville. It's kind of a hidden gem, and one of the better things in this godforsaken burgh, er, I mean town. I walk on it every weekend that I can.

Last week I noticed this sign had been placed along the trail. 

At first glance, I honestly thought it was an urgent plea warning citizens NOT to exercise! Believe me, something like that would not be out of the question around these portly parts. After all, Evansville's not exactly Fitness Town, USA.

As I read it though, I realized it was a (supposedly) humorous sign encouraging people to get up and move. 

OK, I get the joke— exercise causes "side effect," but they're the good kind. Com-O-Dee! But the whole thing is written very, very awkwardly. For example, that second sentence is directly referencing something way down below the third sentence, which is the worst possible way to lay out a sign.

Why not just reword it to say:

WARNING!

Research has shown that exercise causes the following side effects:

• Increase In Energy • Weight Loss • Reduced Stress • Immunity Boost • Happiness

Brought to you by yadda yadda.

BOOM! Done! Finished! And much, much clearer and to the point. You're welcome, whoever paid for this sign.

And why is there so much extra leading (vertical spacing, for you non-graphic designers) between the second and third sentences? You generally increase the leading between paragraphs, not between random sentences. This is what we in the business call a "mistake."

One last thing about this sign: why the hell is it on the TRAIL to begin with? Why did they go to all the trouble and expense to put up a sign that encourages people to exercise on a walking trail where the only people who see it are ALREADY exercising?

Wouldn't it have made infinitely more sense to post this thing at the entrance of the local Big Belly Burger, comic shop or video game store?

When Burritos Are Outlawed...

Take a look at some of the hard-hitting, gritty crime that happens on the mean streets of my hometown of Evansville, Indiana. Yep, crime doesn't sleep here in the River City. We see it all. Robbery. Murder. Assault with a burrito...

(cue needle scratching across an LP sound effect)

Yes, you read right, a burrito. Because when burritos are outlawed, only out... ah, you can fill in the rest.

Jesus Christ, did a human right the above article? It reads like it was generated by some kind of computer algorithm. Is "Jill Lyman" a real, flesh and blood person, or does is "Digital Content Manager" the name of the program that wrote this thing?

Booze, Glorious Booze!

Saw this story today on the interwebs. Apparently the liquor stores in my hometown of Evansville are gearing up for their biggest day of the year. 

That makes perfect sense, as... wait a minute... oh... I see. It's just a story about New Year's Eve. I thought they were talking about January 20th, which will surely see a spike in liquor sales.

I'd Argue If I Could

Last week I was strolling along the riverfront here in my hometown of Evansville, Indiana, and saw this— a plaque commemorating noted author Charles Dickens' visit to the River City in 1842. Wow! The author of A Christmas Carol, David Copperfield and Oliver Twist (among many others) was actually in my city! Amazing!

Apparently Dickens passed through Evansville while traveling by steamboat on his way from Louisville to St. Louis. 

Let's zoom in on Chuck's comments about Eville and see what he had to say, shall we?

“Such deadly leaden people; such systematic, plodding, weary, insupportable heaviness; such mass of animated indigestion in respect to what was genial, jovial, frank, social or hearty; never, sure, was brought together elsewhere since the world began.

Nor was the scenery, as we approached the junction of the Ohio and Mississippi River, at all inspiring in its influence.”

Wow! Zing! What a hearty endorsement. Welp, I'd argue with him if I could. Why, it's as if he wrote that withering statement today instead of 174 years ago! 

Note that this plaque is one of many along the riverfront, outlining the history of the city. Thousands of people probably read it every year. Surely there were more flattering quotes from other notables the Evansville Chamber Of Commerce could have chosen? If they picked this one, imagine the ones they must have rejected!

The E's Have It

Last week my home town of Evansville was rocked to its core by a sordid scandal.

After nine months, construction finally finished on the brand new cloverleaf intersection on the city's ironically named Lloyd "Expressway." That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it's the Lloyd, the only expressway in the country that features numerous intersections and stop lights along its length. Both of which seem counter to the concept of an expressway to begin with.

Anyway, the cloverleaf was capped off with a sign proudly proclaiming "CITY OF EVANSVILLE." This is a bit puzzling to me, since it seems like something you'd put at the city's entrance, not on a bridge smack dab in the center of town. But I digress.

All was going well though until alert motorists noticed something about the sign was didn't seem quite right. Turns out the last "E" in "Evansville" on the multi-million dollar project was installed upside down! Typical.

You can tell the "E" is upside down by the fact that the upper serif is longer than the lower one, instead of the other way around as seen in the first letter.

Surprisingly there were no pileups from outraged motorists trying to take photos of the error as they flew down the expressway at 60 mph. Ah, who am I kidding, it's the Lloyd. Try 40 mph.

Embarrassed work crews quickly flipped the errant vowel, braving taunts, mocking laughter and a barrage of rotten tomatoes thrown their way.

Now if they could just do something about the horrendous kerning in the word "EV ANSVIL LE."

What's In A Logo?

Above is the new logo for the Evansville Museum, located, not surprisingly, in my home city of Evansville, Indiana.

It's actually not a bad logo. I like the way the stylized "E" and "M" interlock and form sort of a diamond shape. Well done, Mr. or Mrs. Logo Designer!

That said, I feel like I've seen this design somewhere before...

There it is! I knew it looked familiar. The Evansville Museum's logo is very similar to that of failed Texas energy company Enron.

Helpful tip to future logo designers: you might want to steer clear of designs that are callbacks the largest corporate debt scandal of the Twenty First Century...

Because He's The Hero Evansville Deserves...

This past weekend Evansville hosted its first annual PopCon. It was a decent show, but fairly small as conventions go. But hey, you gotta start somewhere, amirite?

As I walked around the show, I looked up and saw this. Yep, it was Batman, standing silent watch over the convention. Just in case there was trouble.

I feel safer already!

Les Miserables 2014

Congratulations to my home town of Evansville, Indiana. For the second year in a row we've made the Gallop poll listing the Most Miserable Cities In America! Huzzah!

The news wasn't quite as good as last year, when we were ranked 8th Most Miserable City. This year we barely squeaked in at #10. Whew!
 
So just what is that special something (or somethings) that put Evansville on the list? Is it the fact that it's a cultural wasteland, the highlight of which is the Annual Nut Club Fall Festival? Is it the new Boondoggle Stadium, er, I mean the Ford Center, which was guaranteed to completely revitalize the downtown area but has had no effect whatsoever? Is it the labyrinthine street layout that makes it a chore to drive even three blocks, much less to the other side of town?

Is it the fact that the city's signature dish and claim to fame is a brain sandwich?

Whatever the reason, here's a big, miserable shout out to you Evansville! Good luck in 2015!

Les Miserables

Gallop released a new poll this week that lists my own hometown of Evansville, Indiana as one of the Most Miserable Cities In The Country. Huzzah!

The River City ranked 8th on the list, just after Bakersfield, California. Darn. Better luck next year, Evansville!

The results of the poll were based on phone interviews of 350,000 random U.S. residents who were asked questions about emotional and physical health, work environment, healthy behaviors and access to basic necessities.

Evansville was also ranked second worst city in the country in terms of healthy behavior, having one of the highest rates of smokers and the lowest percentage of residents who eat healthy or exercise regularly. City residents are also more likely to have high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. You go, Eville! 

C'mon, Evansville residents! If we all pull together and close just another forty or fifty major businesses, abandon another few hundred houses and gain another hundred pounds each, we can shoot right up to the top of that list by next year! We can do it! We can do anything! We're Evansville, The Eighth Most Miserable City in America! 

For the record here's the complete list of Most Miserable U.S. Cities

1. Charleston, WV
2. Huntington-Ashland, WV-KY-OH (two cities span three states? I'm confused)
3. Mobile, AL
4. Beaumont-Port Arthur, TX
5. Hickory-Lenoir-Morgantown, NC
6. Forth Smith, AR-OK (again with the town spanning multiple states)
7. Bakersfield, CA
8. Evansville, IN
9. Rockford, IL
10. Spartanburg, SC
11. Utica-Rome, NY