What Are Americans Outraged About This Week: Swastika Shirts

Over the past decade or so, our country's become filled with an entire generation of easily-triggered SJWs who routinely troll the internet, just looking for something to offend them. They're seemingly not happy unless they're outraged about some trivial matter.

It truly is a dark time.

So let's see What Americans Are Outraged About This Week, shall we?

This week, customers were appalled by an Airwalk brand shirt that showed up in a Ross Dress For Less store in Florida. The shirt, priced at a very reasonable $12.99, featured what appeared to be a pattern of tiny white dots.

Except they're not dots. According to the easily triggered and overwrought Ross patrons, the shirt was actually covered with swastikas!

Sigh... Here we go again. Yet another professionally offended American expressing mock outrage over nothing. OK, fine. Let's get this over with and take a closer look at this so called "Swastika Sh— 

Holy Crap, those are swastikas! Jesus Christ!

Once again, I have to ask how something like this happens. I work in a marketing department, and whenever I make even the smallest of ads, it has to be approved by at least twelve to fifteen people before it goes out.

I would assume the same holds true for shirt manufacturers as well. Are you telling me no one noticed this shirt was filled to the brim with freaking swastikas?

A spokesman for the Airwalk company said that the "swastikas" were supposed to be tiny versions of the company's "Ollie Man" logo, seen here. Apparently at some point in the production process, the cartoonish running man came out looking more like the symbol for the Nazi Party.

Yeah, nice try, Airwalk. Nobody's buying that load of fish oil.

One possible explanation for the goof up: the shirts were supposedly manufactured in India, where the icon is seen as a symbol of peace, not of hate. I can almost buy that, as the symbol existed for hundreds, possibly even thousands of years before the Nazis glommed onto it.

That still doesn't explain how something like this fell through the cracks and made it all the way to the sales floor though.

This kind of thing seems to pop up at least once a year or so. A while back Walgreens found themselves in hot water for selling blue Hanukkah (!) wrapping paper festooned with accidental Nazi symbols! Yikes!

Shortly after that, Spanish retailer Zara sold a children's shirt that looked remarkably like those worn by prisoners in Nazi concentration camps in WWII— right down to the Star Of David-like design on the left breast!

Things That Happened On Earth This Week: 1/18/17

DATELINE: VANCOUVER, B.C.— 

This week Mengfa International, which is apparently some sort of business concern in Canada, sued the Vancouver Building Council for refusing to let them build a Moby Dick's seafood restaurant. When Mengfa asked why their permit was denied, the Council claimed that the name "Moby Dick" is offensive.

Jesus wept. 

The Council also went on to say that opening a restaurant called Moby Dick would "hurt the value of neighboring properties, and that the restaurant would bring increased litter and violate city laws on odor."

So not only are there no readers on the Vancouver Building Council, but the members are all bath*t insane as well.

The restaurant of course is named after the 1851 novel by Herman Melville, which tells the tale of Captain Ahab, a seaman who's obsessed with finding and killing the great white whale which cost him his leg. The book ends with– SPOILER ALERT FOR A 166 YEAR OLD NOVEL– the narrator Ishmael floating on a coffin in the middle of the ocean after Moby Dick destroys the whaling ship and kills everyone aboard.

In light of the Council's ruling, Mengfa has reportedly decided to open a different restaurant called "C*nt Burger."

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DATELINE: VENEZUELA— 

This week a woman was caught trying to sneak her boyfriend out of the Puente Ayala Prison in Vebezuela— in a suitcase!

Antonieta Robles Souda visited her boyfriend José Antonio Anzoátegui, who was serving a nine year sentence for car theft. She brought a large pink suitcase with her, which amazingly didn't arouse suspicion among the prison staff. Apparently overnight stays by family members are SOP in this particular prison (!), so no one thought anything about it.

It wasn't until the tiny woman was seen struggling with the suitcase the next morning that guards began to think something might be amiss. They ordered her to open the suitcase and discovered her boyfriend stuffed inside. Impressive! 

If nothing else, I gotta give them props for sheer chutzpah and ingenuity. 

Sadly, there's no way in hell this trick could ever be tried in 'Murica. Unless you had a six foot square suitcase, maybe.

This isn't the first time José and Antonieta have had a brush with the law. Several years ago Antonieta and José tried the old "sit on one person's shoulders while wearing a hat and a long trench coat" trick to enter a local cineplex with just one paid ticket.

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DATELINE: AMERICA— 
This week a Redditor user claimed that his new pair of workboots, made by the Polar Fox company, left swastika-shaped footprints wherever he walked.

Sigh... this again? Two or three times a year some fidgety worrywart goes ballistic because they start seeing swastikas where there are n— 

Holy crap, those are swastikas. Jesus Christ, they're perfect too. How the hell did this get through this company's quality control department?

Polar Fox has since recalled the boots, and the company's large, chubby, mustachioed spokesman held a press conference where he simply stated, "I see nuhsink! Nuhsink!"

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DATELINE: LAS VEGAS, NEVADA— 

This week at CES, an annual convention spotlighting technology and gadgets, the Spartan Underwear company debuted their new radiation-proof boxers.

The underwear contains a blend of silver fibers and cotton, which supposedly blocks 99% of the radiation from mobile phones and wi-fi signals. That's right— it's a goddamned Farady Cage for your junk!

Best of all, Spartan boxers are designed in Paris "for an exceptional fit and amazing design." Ooh la lah! Élégant et sans rayonnement!

My favorite feature of Spartan boxers is that they're seamless, orderless and CONfortable. Who needs proofreaders?

Of course there's no concrete evidence that cell phone radiation or wi-fi signals are in any way dangerous, but when has that ever stopped companies from taking advantage of an uninformed and jittery clientele?

Spartan boxers sell for just $44.49 per pair, which seems pretty pricey where I'm from. Maybe if you're that worried about your phone shriveling up your family jewels, you should, oh, I don't know, maybe stop shoving it into your pocket next to your genitals.

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DATELINE: NEW YORK, NEW YORK— 

This week a new Harry Potter-themed restaurant opened in New York City's Lower East Side. The eatery, called Pasta Wiz, promises patrons a variety of magical-themed dishes, guaranteed to arrive at your table a mere five minutes after you order. So you just know it's gotta be good, right?

Um, note to the owner of this establishment: I know you've already spent thousands for your various permits and your sign and menus, but you need to ditch that name PRONTO. Nobody wants to eat at a place with "wiz" in its name. Trust me on this. Maybe "Pasta Wizard" would have been a better choice.

Expectorate pastorum!

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DATELINE: BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA— 
This week at the 74th Golden Globes Awards, director JJ Abrams announced that he's "done with reboots."

Ah. So I guess that means he's retiring then. BURRRRRRN!

See, of the five major theatrical movies Abrams has directed (Mission: Impossible III, Star Trek, Super 8, Star Trek Into Darkness and Star Wars: The Force Awakens), only one— Super 8— has NOT been a remake or reboot. And even then, it was pretty much a pastiche of nearly every film Steven Spielberg ever made.

And yes, that's a photo of JJ Abrams oh-so-subtly flipping us all off.

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DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C.— 

This week in Washington, Betsy DeVos, President-elect Trump's pick for Education Secretary, appeared before at a Senate Confirmation hearing.

When Senator Chris Murphy asked DeVos if she thinks guns should be allowed on school premises, she replied that the decision should be left up to local lawmakers. DeVos explained that certain schools— such as in Wyoming— might need guns to protect students from grizzly bears (!). 

"I would imagine there's a gun in the school to protect from potential grizzlies," said DeVos.

Reporters contacted Angie Page, assistant to the superintendent of Wapiti Elementary School in Wyoming, and asked if they indeed had a grizzly gun on the premises. "No, we do not," was Page's succinct and curt reply.

Devos went on to say she thinks our outposts on other moons should also be armed with blasters and other such weapons, to help keep the terrible, terrible Colossal Titans from scaling the Outer Wall...

What Are Americans Outraged About This Week: Swastika Wrapping Paper

Welcome to a brand new feature here on Bob Canada's BlogWorld called What Are People Outraged About This Week? Each week we'll take a look at various so-called atrocities that are vexing the general public and causing them to overreact.

So what are people outraged about this week?

On December 4th, Northridge, California resident Cheryl Shapiro was shopping for Hanukkah wrapping paper at her local Walgreens. She spied a roll of silver and blue decorative paper, when something caught her eye. Shapiro claims there's a swastika prominently featured in the design of the wrapping paper.

"It blew me away," Shapiro told ABC News. "What the hell was that doing on there? I want it out of the store, but I wanted this to go national. I want this out of the stores nationally."

Sigh. Here we go again. Yet another professionally offended American expressing mock outrage over nothing. OK, fine. Let's have a look at this so-called "outrageous" wrappi-

Holy crap! Yep, those are swastikas.

OK, for once somebody has a point. I think Mrs. Shapiro's outrage is justified in this case.

In Walgreen's slight defense, if you step back from the wrapping paper the symbols aren't quite as evident. You've really got to be looking for them to find them in the pattern, and I'm betting it was an accident. As a graphic designer I know that sometimes stuff happens, especially when you're facing a tight deadline.

On the other hand, when you're dealing with swastikas and the Holocaust, it's better to err on the side of caution.

Walgreen's has agreed to pull the offending wrapping paper, along with several other items that have generated complaints, such as their Teenage Mutant Ninja Savior Nativity Set and the Charles Manson's Now That's What I Call Christmas, Man Vol. 3 CD.