Friday, November 28, 2014

I Have An Awfully Familiar Feeling About This...

To all the Star Wars fans who are losing their collective sh*t over the new trailer that premiered today...

I'd just like to remind everyone that we all had a similar reaction way back in 1998 when this trailer came out. And we all remember how that turned out, don't we?

I vividly remember sixteen years ago when fans were working themselves into a lather when The Phantom Menace was released, exhaustively analyzing ever single frame. Heck, things got so crazy that fans actually paid good money for tickets to the movie Meet Joe Black, just because the trailer was playing before it. And once they'd seen the brief two minute trailer, they exited the theater en masse!

And then the movie finally premiered, and I vividly remember seeing the broken and shattered bodies of fans lining the streets afterward. It wasn't pretty.

Those who don't remember history are doomed to repeat it. Don't believe me? Then take a look at this.

This little scene played at the end of The Phantom Menace trailer. Rabid fans went ballistic when they saw Darth Maul brandish a brand new double-bladed lightsaber, a type we'd never before seen. 

And now at the end of this new trailer, rabid fans are going ballistic when they see this mystery figure brandish a brand new hilted lightsaber, a type we've never before seen.

It's 1998 all over again. History's repeating itself before my very eyes. So I suggest that everyone just try to settle the hell down.

It's perfectly fine to look forward to the new film, but don't raise your hopes too high. That generally just results in them being dashed soundly and painfully against the rocks. Let's all remain calm and rational and be cautiously optimistic about the new film, OK?

Look, I know how everyone feels. I've been a Star Wars fan since I first saw it in 1977, and I want it to be good just as much as everyone else does. But it's being directed and co-written by one Mr. JJ Abrams, the same man who coughed up this little cinematic hairball on our floors last year. Remember how we all sat helplessly and watched as he took our beloved Star Trek and wooed it, abused it and then dumped it unceremoniously into the gutter the next morning like a cheap hooker? What man would want you now, Star Trek?

I see no reason at this point to assume his treatment of Star Wars will be any different.

No matter how good this new film may turn out to be, there's no way it can possibly live up to the hype that's already swirling around it. It's just not possible. The movie you imagine in your head is always going to better than the real thing.

So let's all do our best to remain calm and be cautiously optimistic.

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