Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Tales From The Video Store: Coming Soon

Unlike the majority of the world, I don't go in for all this convenient video-on-demand and FlixNet nonsense. Nosiree! Give me an old fashioned, inconvenient Video Store any day! The farther away from my house the better! You just never know what you're gonna find— or see— when you browse the Video Store!

This Tale From The Video Store is 100% true.

There's a video store just a few blocks from my house, and for some reason it seems to attract a large... well, let's call it a hillbilly contingent. People who don't understand the meaning of the words "Coming Soon" when seen on a movie poster.

For example: One day while browsing in the video store, a Hillbilly Male burst in. He headed straight for the counter and breathlessly asked the clerk if she had the new Jurassic Park movie. The clerk patiently explained, "Sorry, no. That one's currently playing in theaters. We generally don't start renting movies until they come out on home video."

"Shee-yoot!" exclaimed the Hillbilly. "Well, how's about thet new Star Wars movie then?"

The clerk stared at him for a few seconds and finally composed herself long enough to say, "Uh... that one isn't even playing in any theaters yet. In fact it's not scheduled to be released until December."

"Oh, man!" said the Hillbilly. "I wuz at the movies last week and saw a poster for it and thought it looked pretty good. So I came over here soon's as I could to git it."

OK, let me get this straight. You saw a poster in the MOVIE THEATER that said COMING SOON, so you immediately headed for the VIDEO STORE to rent it. Got it.

I honestly don't think I could work in a video store...

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