"Divergent" Just Got A Little More Divergent

Right on schedule! To absolutely no one's surprise, this week Lionsgate Studios announced they're splitting the third Divergent movie into two parts. Exactly like the Harry Potter, Twilight, Fast And Furious, Hunger Games and Hobbit franchises.

Because why make just three movies like a chump when you can drag out the story into four parts and rake in another half billion dollars? Who cares if there's enough material for another installment? Artistic integrity, schmarschmistic schminschmegrity. There's no doubt in my mind that they'd make thirty Divergent movies if they could.

Super Cynicism powers, Activate!

Exact Words

I re-watched all three The Lord Of The Rings films on DVD last week, for probably the twentieth time. The Extended Editions, even! Every time I see The Return Of The King, I always think the scene with Eowyn versus the Witch King should have gone like this...

I mean logically that's how it should have played out, right?

I watched too much TV as a kid.

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 1, Episode 17: Turn, Turn, Turn

Holy Crap! Now that was an episode!

I'm amazed at how much this series has improved in the past few weeks. I'm actually enjoying it lately, as opposed to the feelings of apathy I had toward it in its early days. It's just too bad it took them so long to find their footing. Hopefully it's not too late and everyone that tuned out early on will come back.

BIG SPOILERS AHEAD FOR BOTH AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. AND CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER!

The Plot:
In the wake of the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, S.H.I.E.L.D. is taken over by Hydra sleeper agents. Coulson and the Team try to liberate S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters without getting killed in the process. Agent Garrett turns out to be the Clairvoyant and is also working for Hydra. He's eventually captured by Coulson's Team. Ward and Agent Hand escort Garrett to the Icebox for incarceration. On the way there Ward kills Hand, revealing that he too is a Hydra agent.

Thoughts:
• I think we may be witnessing television history here. I can't think of any other TV series that's had its plot line affected by a theatrical movie set in the same world. 

Star Wars: The Clone Wars comes close, but even that series debuted well after the movies ended.

• This close connection with the Marvel Cinematic Universe, while certainly cool, can be a double edged sword. On the one hand it gives everything a cohesiveness and unity, just like old Marvel comics had. It makes all these events feel like they're really happening, and right now.

On the other hand, the new Captain America movie came out just four short days before this episode. The vast majority of viewers-- myself included-- haven't had a chance to see it. So the TV show just spoiled the main plot of the movie for everyone. D'oh!

• Coulson forces May to contact Nick Fury, and they're told he's dead. Everyone who believes that, stand on your head…

As I said, I've not yet seen the new Captain America film yet, but I'm assuming Fury is "killed" or presumed killed sometime before the end of the film. I wouldn't worry too much about him though. There's no way Marvel's gonna kill off Fury yet, especially since he's still got three films to go on his nine film contract.

• Another big revelation: May tells Coulson that the Team was assembled in order to keep an eye on him, lest the alien blood in his veins make him go a little funny in the head. And the person who ordered this? Fury, of course. Interesting.

It also explains why the team is so oddly balanced, with three field agents and three eggheads.

• I enjoyed the scene in which Coulson, Fitz and Garrett argue over the Hydra motto. 

Coulson: "Cut off one head, two more take its place." 
Garrett: "Is it a head? I thought it was a…"
Coulson: "It's a head."
Fitz: "Head."

• Woohoo! I totally called Garret being the Clairvoyant. And as an added bonus, he's a Hydra agent to boot. I wouldn't be surprised if he was there on the Grassy Knoll as well.

As I said last week, I'm a bit disappointed that the Clairvoyant didn't turn out to be, well, a real clairvoyant. Someone with honest-to-goodness psychic powers instead of a plain old spy with access to everyone's records.

• How did May get her hands loose during the battle at the end? One second she's handcuffed, the next she's swinging roundhouse punches and karate chopping Hydra agents left and right. I suppose it's possible someone freed her hands in all the chaos, but if so I sure didn't see it.

• In the middle of the Hydra takeover, Skye wipes all the Bus' computers and stores the files on a hard drive. She then hands the drive over to Ward for safekeeping. Whoops! Now Hydra's got all of the Team's files!

• So Ward's a Hydra agent too! Wow! I didn't see that one coming, although looking back at last week's episode (in which Ward killed the "fake" Clairvoyant) it was pretty obvious.

You know, I'm actually OK with this development. All season Ward's been the dullest character on the show, so this actually makes him more interesting.

I'm still not a fan of these "sleeper agent" plots though. If Ward truly has been a traitor all this time, why would he so obediently follow orders that would make it tougher for Hydra to take over later on? Why hook up with May? Why get all sappy over Skye?

Yes, yes, he's "hiding in plain sight" and all that, but it seems like there were ample opportunities during the season for him to subtly sabotage the various missions. More reasons why these "secret traitor" plots aren't a good idea.

I'm kind of wondering if Ward really is a Hydra agent after all? That final scene in which he's giving the camera a seriously demonic look made me wonder if he's under some kind of mind control. I wouldn't be surprised if this is the case. That way he could be a traitor for as long as the plot requires but then still come back.

• This episode's shocking revelations had a bit of a "go for broke" feel about them. I'm hoping they're just building toward a big season finale and not trying to wrap up everything because the show's getting cancelled. Now that the series has finally found its groove, it definitely deserves a second season.

Smile!

I've been a big fan of the art of Alex Ross for many years now. He specializes in photo-realistic portrayals of superheroes, and his work is nothing short of amazing and awe inspiring.

Most of the time.

Take a look at this variant cover he did for the upcoming final issue of the Life With Archie comic.

By Stan Lee's Toupee! What the hell happened here? I don't know if I've ever seen a more sinister and disturbing piece of art. Everything about it, from the detailed rendering to the bizarre and extreme angle is downright terrifying.

First of all you've got a smug looking Jughead in the foreground silently judging you, as if he's somehow privy to all the darkest secrets you hide from the world. Then you've got Archie positively leering down at you in the most unwholesome way possible. Note that Ross even attempted to translate that grid pattern on the sides of Archie's hair into reality, with unsettling results. What did he do, press his head in a waffle iron? And then we have Betty and Veronica, both sporting unholy rictus grins as they've apparently been exposed to the Joker's Smilex Gas.

I guess the lesson to take away from here is that some comics weren't meant to be rendered realistically.

It Came From The Cineplex: Divergent

Divergent was directed by Neil Burger (The Illusionist) and written by Evan Daughtery and Vanessa Taylor. It's based on the young adult novel by Veronica Roth.

Another week, another teen romance set in a post-apocalyptic dystopian world. Try as I might, it's impossible to judge this film without comparing it to others in the genre such as The Host, The Maze Runner and The Hunger Games. In follows the established Hunger Games template in particular almost to the letter. You've the same star-crossed young lovers, you've got the Reaping, er, I mean the Choosing Ceremony, you've got the same intense training pitting teen against teen, you've got a small group of rebels trying to overthrow the oppressive government...  

Heck, both films were even released by the same studio, Lionsgate.

Perhaps a better name for the film would have been Derivative.

CLASS DIVIDED SPOILERS AHEAD!

The Plot:
In a futuristic post-war Chicago, the population is divided into five Factions: Abnegation (selfless public servants), Amity (peaceful farmers), Candor (truthful public defenders), Erudite (intelligent and educated researchers) and Dauntless (law enforcers). Whoever named these factions obviously owns a thesaurus.

When a citizen turns sixteen, they're given a test and sorted into a particular Faction. Beatrice Prior was born into the Abnegation Faction. Since she's the hero of the story, naturally when she takes the test she finds she's a Divergent— an anomaly who has traits of ALL the Factions.

The government shuns and exiles Divergents, fearing they'll upset the delicate balance of Society. Beatrice hides her test results and chooses the Dauntless faction, because they're kewl. She renames herself Tris and trains with them for several months, slowly becoming one of them.

Eventually the Erudite Faction use mind control devices on the Dauntless army and uses them to stage a coup against Abnegation for control of the government. The mind control device doesn't work on Divergents, so it's up to Tris to save the City.

Thoughts:
• Oy, another young adult love story that takes place in a futuristic dystopia. And an incredibly specific one at that.

One thing they never bother to explain in these types of stories: How the hell do these worlds come to be? Why would anyone ever agree to live in such cockamamie societies?

Why would the population go along with splitting into five highly specialized factions? Why would a citizenry that outnumbers their enforcers willingly sacrifice two of their children every year? Why would anyone agree to have a death clock implanted in their forearm?

I get that the authors use these societies to examine facets of our own, but they never tell us how these far-fetched systems started up in the first place. That's the story I want to see.

• I can see why the Divergent series is so popular, as it ties in perfectly with the typical teen's feelings of non-conformity, isolation and rebellion.

The hero exists in a world where everyone is forced to conform to society's rigid rules. But she's special and doesn't fit in anywhere. Why, she's just like every teen in the audience! They don't fit in either!

• During Tris' opening expository info dump, she says that the Five Faction System has preserved the peace for decades. Not ten minutes later we see that there's friction between at least two of the factions, one of which (Erudite) wants to overthrow the other (Abnegation) and run the government. So much for the peaceful Faction System!

• Along these same lines, some people don't conform to any of the of the five groups and are known as the Factionless (wouldn't that technically make them yet another Faction?). They're shunned by society and have to eke out a living digging through garbage, living in alleys and relying on handouts-- within the walls of the city.

Why the hell would such a rigidly hierarchal society allow the Factionless to live inside the city walls? Why wouldn't they kick them out and let them fend for themselves in the wilderness?

• Speaking of the Factions, it seems like they left out a few. Wouldn't you need a Manufacturing Faction to produce tangible goods? Somebody's gotta make the clothing, furniture and vehicles the people need, but we never see any factories. How about a Merchant Faction to sell the various goods? I'd think they'd need a Medical Faction as well, to treat people when they're sick. What about a Janitorial/Maintenance Faction? Someone has to haul away the trash and fix things when they break down. You'd need an Entertainment Faction as well, to keep the population distracted so they don't think about rebelling.

I suppose you could argue that some of these might be covered by the existing Factions, but I'm skeptical. Erudite would have the smarts to be doctors, but probably wouldn't have much of a bedside manner. Abnegation have the right attitude to be healers, but they live and dress like the Amish and probably don't know much about CAT scans. And so on.

• Just to make sure everyone knows their place in this society, all members of each Faction are forced to wear color-coded clothing. Just like the Power Rangers, or the audience on Tattletales. In fact, during the Reaping, er, Choosing Ceremony, the wide shots of the audience, segregated by Faction and color, looked very much like that relic of the 1970s.

For the record Abnegation always wears grey, Amity wears red and orange clothing, Candor wears white, Erudite wears blue and Dauntless wears black.
 
• One thing the filmmakers did right-- the film takes place in the indeterminate future. No exact date is ever given. Good. 

As regular readers of my blog know by now, one of my pet peeves is when a sci-fi movie presents us with a radically altered society full of highly advanced technology, then places it in the unimaginably far off year of 2021.

When dealing with futuristic dates, vague is the way to go.

• During the daytime, post-war Chicago appears to be a modern city with technology ahead of our own. At night though the city seems to be completely dark. So they have stun guns, mind control and machines that can read and display your thoughts on a screen, but apparently no light bulbs. Got it.

Is there a reason why all the lights are shut off at night? Some kind of curfew? Is there not enough juice to power the lights as well as the gigantic electrified fence that surrounds the city?

• One of the characteristics of the Abnegation Faction is that they have no vanity. To ensure they abide by this trait, the use of mirrors is heavily restricted. When Tris is getting ready for the Reaping, er, Choosing Ceremony, her mother only allows her a brief glance into the family's sole mirror. It's even hidden behind a special sliding panel!

If mirrors are so verboten to this Faction, why do they have one in their house in the first place? Yeah, it's normally hidden, but if they're so unconcerned about how they look to the world, why have one at all?  

• In this society, when a child reaches the age of sixteen they're required to take an aptitude test to decide which Faction is best for them. But they don't have to adhere to the test results. During the Reaping, er, Sorting Hat, er, I mean Choosing Ceremony they're allowed to pick whatever Faction they want.

If you can choose any Faction, then what the hell's the point of the test? It seems like a big waste of time if you can willingly override it. Is the test meant to identify and weed out Divergents? Apparently it's none of our concern, as this is never addressed.

• One last thing about the Reaping, er, Choosing Ceremony. The initiates are told that they can choose to join any of the five Factions, but once they choose, that's it-- they're in for life. No backsies or do-overs. 

Would you want to have to live with such a permanent decision your dumb sixteen year old self made? That's even worse than our system, in which we have to live with the career choices we made at age eighteen.

• By the way, some or all of these nitpicky questions I have may have been answered in the novel, which I haven't read. Too bad! This is the movie! If I have to read the book to understand what's happening in the film, then the screenwriters failed badly.

• No one ever says for sure, but I'm guessing Tris and her brother Caleb are twins, since they both choose their Factions on the same day.

• Tris was born into the Abnegation Faction, and her parents of course hope she'll choose to stay there. She ends up choosing Dauntless, which acts as the city's police force and army.

At first I wondered why someone from such a peaceful and benevolent Faction would choose one so violent and warlike. It seems like Dauntless would be a completely alien way of life to her. Then I figured it out--  it's so they could fill the run time with some of that Hunger Games kid vs. kid battle action! All the other Factions are filled with people who sit around and talk or farm all day. Dauntless was the only one that would feature anything even remotely exciting.

• Tris' love interest in the film is the leader of Dauntless, whose name is Four. Yep, I said Four. His real name is Tobias Eaton, but he's known as Four because of his four fears. Cause you know, everyone has just four specific fears, right? Right?

• During the Dauntless War Games, they use guns with live ammo. Tris is initially apprehensive about using such weapons on her fellow Factioners, until her sadistic instructor Eric demonstrates that the guns are perfectly safe and fire cartridges that simulates the pain of a bullet hit, but not the damage.

Maybe so, but I'd hardly call them harmless. These cartridges appears to be at least three to four inches long. If you caught one in the eye you might as well toss your Viewmaster in the trash.

• Near the end of the film Tris and Four rebel against their mind controlled brethren. There's a big shootout between Four and Eric, his former friend. We see several closeups of Four and Eric shooting at one another. However when they cut to a wide shot, hilariously we see they're crouched ten feet apart at the most.

It looks exactly like a scene from one of the Naked Gun movies.

• In the third act we find out that Erudite is plotting to overthrow the Agnegation Faction for control of the government. They inject everyone in the Dauntless Faction with a thought control device that turns them all into mindless drones that follow orders without question.

This whole mind control plot point is pulled right out of the author's ass. It literally comes out of nowhere, as the audience had no idea such a thing was even a possibility in this world. Bad form, movie!

Additionally, the mind control widget doesn't work on Tris or Four because they're Divergents. Well that was certainly convenient! If that hadn't happened Erudite's coup would have gone off without a hitch!

• Since everyone and their dog writes nothing but trilogies these days, and studios are desperate for successful film franchises, this is of course the first of three planned films. So you know what that means-- it doesn't have a proper ending! They might as well have thrown up a title card that said, "Continued Next Year!"

• At the very end of the film, the rebels hop onboard an L train and ride it through the Wall and outside the city with no trouble. 

First of all, where's the security on the Wall? Why is it possible to ride right through it? Does the Wall only work one way? It keeps people from getting in, but you can freely walk out any old time you feel like it? 

Second, as my pal KW Monster pointed out, what's the deal with these trains? All through the film the Dauntless gang jumps on and off them while they're moving. In fact I don't think we ever see them stop. Is anyone driving them, or are they automated? And if you want to ride one, do you have to risk your life by leaping on as it speeds by?

Divergent is yet another young adult love story set in a dystopian society, that's just too derivative for its own good. I give it a B-.

Because He's The Hero Evansville Deserves...

This past weekend Evansville hosted its first annual PopCon. It was a decent show, but fairly small as conventions go. But hey, you gotta start somewhere, amirite?

As I walked around the show, I looked up and saw this. Yep, it was Batman, standing silent watch over the convention. Just in case there was trouble.

I feel safer already!

Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 1, Episode 16: End Of The Beginning

Hey, Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. is finally back, after yet another ong hiatus. I don't know what's causing all these pre-emptions, but it'sa shame because the show is finally starting to hit its stride. These constant breaks aren't doing any favors for the show's momentum. Or for the ratings.

Supposedly there will be no more breaks from now until the end of the season, so that's good.

SPOILERS!

The Plot:
After Deathlok attacks a S.H.I.E.L.D. safe house, the Team gears up to capture his boss, the Clairvoyant. They track him to an abandoned building, and find that he's really Thomas Nash, an immobile man on life support who can only speak through a computer. Nash taunts Grant, who reflexively kills him. Coulson deduces that Nash was a decoy, and that not only is the real Clairvoyant still out there, but he or she doesn't have super powers and is a rogue S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. 

Oh, and Coulson discovers May's might be a traitor. 

Thoughts:
• Deathlok's back, and getting more Deathlokier all the time.

It's cool to see Mike Peterson's evolve into a character from the comics, but I'm not a fan of his current look. As many have already pointed out, he looks like he's wearing some kind of Laser Tag gear. I get that this is a TV show and they don't have as big a budget as the Marvel films, but good lord… Star Trek: The Next Generation was regularly featuring the Borg twenty years ago, and their costumes were miles better than what Deathlok's modeling here.

What's interesting that when Skye saw an x-ray image of Deathlok, he looked pretty much identical to the comic version, complete with a half-metal skull. Hopefully his metamorphosis isn't done, and this is just an interim look for him.

• Nice line by May to Agent Blake: "So you don't believe in the Clairvoyant, but you believe in astrology?"

• Welp, Skye is now officially a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Never mind that she sidestepped the academy and has had little or no field training. She's a valuable member of the team! She got shot in the line of duty! She deserves this and much, much more!

All the massive amounts of love and accolades being heaped onto her just feels unearned. We're constantly told how amazing she is, but so far we've seen little evidence of it. As I said last time, Skye is Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker and Bilbo Baggins all rolled into one. The hero who has everything handed to them and never has to work for or earn anything, falling ass-backwards into success.

What's odd is that all the other characters seem very pleased with her promotion. Even FitzSimmons, who are two of the most gung-ho, by-the-book agents that could possibly exist. One would think they'd be more than a bit put out by the fact that they had to spend years at the academy and go through all the proper channels to unlock their achievements, while some self-taught hacker gets an agentship handed to her on a silver platter.

I'm starting to think Skye really does have a super power, one that makes everyone around her bend over backwards to reward her for doing nothing.

• Good to see Brad Dourif on TV! Too bad he won't be back next week.

• So suddenly Ward's a traitor, maybe. And May as well. Or not. We're not sure.

I'm generally not a fan of these paranoid "You can't trust anyone" and "Everything you thought you knew is wrong" plot lines. Why? Because they never make much sense. We've seen Ward and May acting very untraitory all season. Even when they were alone and could drop the pretense, they acted normal. Then out of the blue we're told they're not what they seem.

These plots also tend to undermine the characters. If none of our favorite agents can be trusted and can turn on us at any time, then why should we care about them?

• Coulson deduces that the Clairvoyant isn't really a super powered entity, but a rogue S.H.I.E.L.D. agent with access to all their records.

I have to say I was a little disappointed by this. For weeks now everyone and their dog has been telling Coulson there's no such thing as psychic powers (despite the fact that they live in a world of superheroes and alien gods), and I was sure that this whole Clairvoyant storyline existed for the sole purpose of proving them wrong. Nope! He or she is just a plain old double agent. Boring!

So who is the Clairvoyant? The obvious choice would be Agent Victoria Hand, since she seems to be gunning for Coulson and the Team at the end of the episode. I honestly hope it's not her though, as she's a bit too obvious.

My money's on Agent Garrett. Bill Paxton's folksy charm would be a perfect, er, shield for a secret evil identity like the Clairvoyant. Plus he's only contracted for four episodes, so it's not like he's going to be series regular... Yep, I vote for Garrett.

Les Miserables 2014

Congratulations to my home town of Evansville, Indiana. For the second year in a row we've made the Gallop poll listing the Most Miserable Cities In America! Huzzah!

The news wasn't quite as good as last year, when we were ranked 8th Most Miserable City. This year we barely squeaked in at #10. Whew!
 
So just what is that special something (or somethings) that put Evansville on the list? Is it the fact that it's a cultural wasteland, the highlight of which is the Annual Nut Club Fall Festival? Is it the new Boondoggle Stadium, er, I mean the Ford Center, which was guaranteed to completely revitalize the downtown area but has had no effect whatsoever? Is it the labyrinthine street layout that makes it a chore to drive even three blocks, much less to the other side of town?

Is it the fact that the city's signature dish and claim to fame is a brain sandwich?

Whatever the reason, here's a big, miserable shout out to you Evansville! Good luck in 2015!

Math Is Hard: Obamacare Edition

Yesterday the incredibly fair and balanced Fox News aired this informative graph, which attempted to illustrate the current shortfall in Obamacare enrollment (which is pretty much all they've talked about on air for the past year).

As you can see, they apparently went back in time and hired my twelve year old self to create the chart for them. Only a kid with math skills like mine at that age could have made a chart that shows six million equal to roughly a third of seven million. Fair and balanced indeed!

Whatever your feelings toward Obamacare, you've got to admit that's some twisted math there.

Later in the day they aired a "corrected" version of the chart, accompanied by an apology from Fox anchor Bill Hemmer. Which of course translates to "an intern noticed our chart was being ruthlessly mocked on every blog in the country, and we hurriedly tried to salvage what little credibility we could."

The Walking Dead Season 4, Episode 16: A

And so ends Season 4 of The Walking Dead, with another brutal, grim and incredibly tense episode. 

Overall this season has been a huge improvement over the previous one. New showrunner Scott Gimple is steering the series more toward the comic book, and seems to be actually listening to fans and addressing some of the previous season's problems. The pacing's picked up quite a bit, characters have been fleshed out and they've committed far fewer boneheaded acts this year. Let's hope they keep up the good work. 

SEASON ENDING SPOILERS AHEAD! 

The Plot:
Rick, Carl and Michonne meet up with Daryl and finally make it to Terminus. As you might expect, things don't go well.

Thoughts:
• The episode starts with a flashback from the beginning of the season. For a minute or two I was sure I'd downloaded the wrong episode.

Hershel figured prominently in the flashbacks, trying to convince Rick he could hang up his gun and become a farmer and build a life for himself in the prison. I wonder if they had these scenes planned out all along and shot them months ago, or did they bring Scott Wilson back just for this episode?

• Frankly I was amazed there were no major cast deaths in this episode. I totally expected either Glenn or Maggie to bite the dust, especially after last week when she told him he didn't need a photo of her because she'd never leave his side again.

• That was some pretty heavy-handed foreshadowing there when Rick showed Carl and Michonne how a rabbit snare works. He explained how you want to make a funnel shape along a trail and then set your noose in the middle of it, so any animal running by will have to run right into the trap. Say, that's just how Terminus works!

• Rick & Co. see a guy in a field surrounded by walkers. He swings a branch wildly around him, and it looks for all the world like one of the walkers flinches and steps back. Whoops! Zombies don't have reflexes!

• Joe and the Claimers, who we recently found out have been tracking Rick for a couple of weeks, catch up to him during the night. Joe then accuses Rick of strangling one of the Claimers (after they invaded Rick's home). It's true, Rick did strangle the guy, but I can't for the life of me figure out how Joe would know that. Seems like he and his group would have been too busy trying not to get bitten to stop and look for finger marks around their newly reanimated friend's neck.

I guess Joe must have read the script!

• Kudos to the creators, I guess, for making another incredibly uncomfortable and brutal scene. The Claimers hold Rick and Michonne at gunpoint while one of them prepares to rape Carl. Yikes!

Funny how the three most horrifying scenes of the season-- Hershel's grisly death, putting Lizzie out of her misery and now this-- involved humans and not zombies. Who are the real monsters on this show?
 
• The day after the Claimers incident, Carl's all moody and doesn't want to be around his dad. I suppose seeing your father tear out a man's throat with naught but his teeth would be kind of off-putting, but...  if Rick hadn't done so, Carl would have been butt raped for certain (and then no doubt killed). You'd think he'd be a bit more appreciative of what Rick did for him.

• Daryl tries to explain to Rick why he was with the Claimers. He says he knew they were bad, but he didn't think they were that bad. 

Well let's see, Daryl. Last week they literally kicked a man to death just for lying… I'd say that's pretty bad.

• I'm wondering why there's not a massive zombie herd marching down the railroad tracks that everyone's been walking on for the last half of the season. Back in Season 2 we were shown how a couple walkers saw a helicopter in the sky and followed it, and as they staggered along they picked up more and more zombies like an undead snowball rolling down a hill, until a gigantic horde converged on Hershel's farm.

So why didn't that happen in this episode? All these various groups have been following the same set of railroad tracks, so you'd think they'd be dragging along a big ol' herd in their wake.

Earlier in the season Daryl and some others went on a supply run to find medicine and ran into a huge horde. So they are out there...

• After two seasons we finally get the last piece of Michonne's backstory. She lived in a refugee camp with her boyfriend Mike, their infant son Andre and their friend Terry. Walkers attacked the camp while Mike and Terry were high and they let Andre die, getting bitten in the process. Enraged, Michonne "neutered" them by cutting off their jaws and arms and dragged them around on chains.

This all dovetails perfectly with what Michonne told TV Andrea about her "pets" in Season 3. She said they were people she knew and "they got what they deserved." I always wondered what she meant by that, and now we know. Well done, writers!

• Rick was smart enough to hide a weapons cache outside of Terminus and then sneak in the back way. Good move. If this was Season 2 or 3 they'd have ridden a parade float through the front gate.

• Once inside Terminus, Rick and Co. meet Gareth, the leader. He welcomes them, but tells them they'll have to give up their weapons. The Terminus people frisk everyone (except for Michonne-- was the frisker afraid to paw at a woman?) and then immediately give them back their weapons.

Huh? Why make them relinquish their weapons and then give 'em right back? Were they hoping to build a false sense of trust in Rick and his people?

• So what were the Terminus people doing in the warehouse? It looked like they were poring over maps or something. Maybe they were making more "Those Who Arrive, Survive" signs.

• Speaking of the Terminus signs... apparently at some point the Terminites canvased the area for miles around, putting up those signs to funnel unsuspecting survivors into their trap? A pretty good idea I guess, if you're a cannibal. Why go hunting when you can get your food to come to you? I wonder how far out they planted the signs?

• As I've been saying for weeks now, Terminus is bad news. How could it be anything but on this show? It's pretty obvious at this point that the Terminites are cannibals. Last week Mary, who's apparently the designated short order cook, told Glenn and his group that they'd get them settled in and then get them each a plate.

This week Michonne asks Alex why they let anyone in, and he says, "People become a part of us. We get stronger." If that's not another way of saying "Eatin' people builds strong bodies twelve ways," I don't know what is.

Not to mention the fact that Mary seems to be perpetually manning their grill, but there's no sign of cattle or other livestock anywhere...

• Did you catch all the items that Rick spotted on the Terminus people? For the record, one was wearing Glenn's police riot gear, one had Daryl's poncho (which Maggie had been wearing), one had the pocket watch that Hershel gave to Glenn, one had the orange backpack Rick took off a dead hitchhiker months ago, and one was wearing what appeared to be Bob Stookey's khaki pants.
 
• Rick and the others make a break for it and try to escape. At every corner they're shot at by rooftop snipers. At first I thought the snipers were the worst shots since Imperial Stormtroopers, but eventually realized they weren't trying to hit Rick & Co. They were trying to guide them to the railroad car.

There was also a quick shot in which they ran by what appeared to be a cage full of bloody human skeletons. The remains of walkers, or humans? My money's on humans.

• Eventually they're caught and herded into a boxcar labeled "A" (hence the episode title). Very ominous, especially if you know anything about railroad cars and the Holocaust.

• Rick, Carl, Michonne and Daryl meet up with Glenn, Maggie, Sasha, Bob, Tara, Eugene, Abraham and Rosita in the car. Why, it's a veritable family reunion. The only ones not present are Beth, who was obviously abducted by someone unconnected with Terminus, and Carol, Tyreese and Baby Judith. I'm betting Carol's going to be instrumental in rescuing everyone next season.

• Rick says the Terminites are going to feel stupid when they realize they screwed with the wrong people.

Rick says pretty much the same thing in the comic when confronted with a group of cannibals (that were different from the ones at Terminus, which doesn't appear in the book), except there he says, "They f*cked with the wrong people."

Now I'm not for cursing just for cursing's sake, but in this case I think it would have been justified if they'd gone for it and said the f-word. They said it occasionally on Breaking Bad, so why not here? It would have been more realistic and had a lot more impact than the practically G-rated "screwed."

• So it looks like a couple of my plot predictions were wrong. Earlier in the season I suspected that Joe and the Claimers were a scouting party from Terminus. Nope! They had nothing to do with the place.

Then I thought that Rick and everyone would be captured by the Terminites, and Daryl would be the "man on the outside" who had to rescue them. Again, nope! But that prediction may not be totally off, as I have a feeling Carol will come into play somehow and help free them.
 
And now the moment you've all been waiting for: The Third Annual The Walking Dead Season End Awards, Even Though This Is Season 4! 

Best Showrunner Award 
Scott Gimple, c'mon down!

I have to admit I was a little apprehensive when it was announced he was taking over Season 4, as he was the THIRD showrunner in four years. Happily, he proved me wrong. He's gone a long way toward solving the show's problems and wrote many of the best episodes of the season. Let's hope he stays on for good.
 
Fastest Return From The Edge
Goes to Carl Grimes. At the end of Season 3, Carl gunned down a young, twitchy Woodbury resident just for looking at him funny. It seemed like he was on his way down a dark and dangerous path. 

Then suddenly at the beginning of this season he's fine, his problems having apparently been resolved offscreen during the summer hiatus.
 
Reddest Redshirts Award
Goes to the remaining Woodbury residents. At the end of last season the Governor bugged out and killed most of his own people, leaving just a few kids and seniors still living in Woodbury. Rick graciously invited them to live in the prison.

Halfway through this season every single one of them was dead. So much for Rick's hospitality.
 
Second Chance Award
And the winner is: Carol Pelletier! 

As I'm fond of endlessly pointing out, the TV series seriously botched the character of Andrea. I think Scott Gimple realizes this, and is slowly turning Carol into the character Andrea should have been all along.
 
Worst Prescription Award
Goes to Hershel Greene. During the flu epidemic at the prison, he asks Daryl to go on a run and bring back antibiotics for his dying patients. Whoops! Herschel was supposedly a veterinarian and should know that antibiotics are useless against a viral infection like the flu.
 
Breaking The Color Barrier Award
Goes to Scott Gimple (I guess). In the first two seasons of the show, fans accused the writers of having a "one black character or less" policy. According to some, there could only be one black character, and the only way to add another was to kill the existing one. 

That's all in the past now. As of this episode we've got four main black characters on the show. Well done, Gimple!
 
Misdirection Award
Scott Gimple again! In past seasons whenever an episode would focus on a previously underdeveloped character or they infodumped their backstory to us, that was a sure sign they were doomed to die the next week. It happened over and over and over again.

This season several characters have opened up and been fleshed out, and… nothing happened. I think the creators know we figured out their pattern, so now they're playing with us.

Good Grooming Award
Goes to Rick Grimes. In the first couple of seasons Rick had a hairy chest. This season in Claimed, he examined his bruises in a mirror and his chest was as smooth as a baby's bottom.

Nice to see that even in the middle of the zombie apocalypse, Rick can still find time to do some manscaping.
 
Most Improved Character
Goes to Michonne er... whatever her last name is. I was positively giddy when she first popped up in the Season 2 finale, but my happiness was quashed during Season 3 when she was portrayed as little more than a snarling, growling animal.

It's taken a while, but they've finally fixed her character and now she actually speaks and has a personality.
 
Priorities In Order Award
Goes to Rick Grimes. In Internment Rick returns to the prison after banishing Carol. He runs up to Maggie and breathlessly asks, "How's Carl and Judith and Glenn and Herschel and all the other main characters?" 

Eh, never mind the other thirty or forty people you're responsible for, Rick, whose names you apparently never even bothered to learn.
 
Love At First Sight Award
It's a tie! The award goes to Tyreese and Karen and Tara and Alisha.

Karen showed up at the prison in the Season 3 finale. When Season 4 started up, she and Tyreese were practically married.

Then when Tara follows the Governor to his new camp, she takes one look at Alisha and the next day they're keeping company.

I guess you gotta move fast in a world where every day could be your last.

Didn't Think That Through Award
Goes to the Governor. He wants to kill Rick and everyone in the prison so he and his followers can move in. How does he try to accomplish this? With a tank. He knocks down the security fences (letting in hundreds of walkers) and blows several gaping holes in the side of the prison, rendering it effectively useless as a secure refuge. Good job, Gov!

I Need A Shower Award
Goes to Daryl and Beth, who team up after the destruction of the prison. 

Believe it or not there's a sizable group out there in the dark, scary bowels of the internet that want to see these two characters hook up. Despite the fact that, you know, Daryl is thirty five if he's a day and Beth is seventeen. Ew.

Most Telegraphed Name Award
Goes to whoever named Terminus "Terminus." The word means "the end" (among other things). Gee, that's not ominous at all, is it? Why didn't they just name it Cannibalville?

Best Makeshift Weapon Award
Goes to Maggie's No Parking Sign weapon that she wielded to great effect in Alone. 

Least Adorable Kid Award
Could it go to anyone besides Lizzy Samuels, the show's resident child psychopath and bunny killer?

Worst "Code" Award
Joe and the Claimers, come on down! Basically they're a group of grown-ass men who live by a code of calling the equivalent of "shotgun" on everything.

Least Convincing Genius Award
Yep, you guessed it-- Dr. Eugene Porter, the man who claims to know what caused the zombie apocalypse and how to reverse it, but who doesn't seem like he could figure out how to make a grilled cheese sandwich.