Saturday, January 10, 2015

Not Lovin' It

Things are looking grim these days for McDonald's. According to recent sales reports, customers are deserting the fast food giant like rats from a sinking fast food franchise, as they spend their dollars at trendier eateries like Chipotle, or cheaper ones such as Burger King.

In an effort to shore up falling sales, McDonald's corporate leaders have decided the best thing to do is dump their current "I'm lovin' it" slogan, in favor of a new one. Because god knows people don't care about healthy food at a fair price, what they really want are snappier catch phrases!

The new slogan in question? Lovin' Is Greater Than Hatin.' And no, I'm not making that up, it's the honest to god actual new slogan.

(cue chirping crickets)

Well, that's definitely a slogan alright. It's not a good one by any stretch of the imagination, but you can't deny it's a slogan.

What's odd about it is that they've apparently chosen not to spell it out in traditional human language, but to write it instead as sort of an equation. Does the general public even know what the ">" symbol is? Will they be able to correctly decipher the slogan, or will they see it as "Lovin' Points To Hatin'?"

This slogan isn't going to affect sales one whit either way, but the deluded executive at McDonald's corporate offices seem to think it will. To help out the poor overpaid saps, I've come up with 8 New McDonald's Slogans Better Than Lovin' > Hatin.'

This one gets directly to the point and addresses the whole negative perception the general public seems to have toward the fast food behemoth.

Just callin' a spade a spade here.

This one may be a little too clingy, like that one desperate friend everyone has who always tags along on all your outings, whether he was invited or not.

A slogan for the Coulrophobe customer base.

This one's got a definite Fatal Attraction vibe.

Technically this one is true. McDonald's no longer cooks their fries in beef tallow, which, for those not in the know, is a hard fatty substance made from rendered animal fat, also used in making candles and soap. 

Again, spade.

This one's a bit near to my heart; it's what dear old dad used to say when mother would ask if the pot roast came out OK.

You're welcome, McDonald's. Feel free to use any or all of these slogans as you see fit. You can send remuneration to me care of my blog.

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