Dare Man? Bat Devil?

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and bet that this alleged Daredevil costume is a repurposed Batman mask & suit. Just a hunch.

This Month In Inappropriate Halloween Costumes: Mail-In Ballot!

Each year Halloween stores are filled with so-called "sexy" costumes based on pop culture characters and current events, each more outrageous than the next.

Presenting this year's ridiculous entry: the Sexy Mail-In Ballot costume!

Now let's just hope they don't find her discarded in a dumpster prior to Election Day!

Clowning Around Update Update

A few weeks ago I wrote the nationwide rash of reports of sinister clowns trying to lure unsuspecting children into nearby woods.

As tension and fear spread, the professional clowning community took to social media to try and reclaim their "wholesome," positive image. They even went so far as to try and organize a "Clown Lives Matter" march (!).

Which brings us to today. Retail giant Target announced that effective immediately, they're pulling all scary clown masks and costumes from their stores and website.

Said Target spokesman Joshua Thomas, "Given the current environment, we have made the decision to remove a variety of clown masks from our assortment, both in stores and online."

Fast food behemoth McDonald's also got into the act. A spokesmen for the company said that due to the recent clown-related events, they're temporarily "retiring" their mascot Ronald McDonald, pulling him from all advertising and canceling personal appearances.

Personally I couldn't care less about the damage this is doing to clowns and their image, because they suck, they're not funny and I hate them. But it does kind of bother me that the nation's knee-jerk reaction is to pull the masks from stores.

Today it's clown costumes. What's it gonna be tomorrow? Witches? They promote wiccan beliefs, so they need to go. Hobos? They're disrespectful to the homeless, so pull 'em. Zombies? They could give children an unhealthy interest in necrophilia, so god yes, get them outta sight!

Mark my words— it's only a matter of time before THIS is the only acceptable and approved costume available here in the Offended States Of America. Available in unisex, inoffensive gray, of course.

Thanks to my pal Ted Parsnips for the heads up on the Target and McDonald's incidents.

Ghost Busted!

Say, are you sick of hearing the interminable controversy surrounding the Ghostbusters remake? Tired of being labeled anti-feminist because you thought the film was tepid at best? Are you happy the movie finally came, flopped and went so you never have to hear about it ever again?

HAW! You wish, pal! I've got bad news for you— the Ghostbusters 2016 controversy is back! Except instead of focusing on the movie, the public is now turning its outraged eye toward the Halloween costumes based on the film!

Apparently people are incensed with the Women's Ghostbusters Movie Costume ($39.99) and the Women's Deluxe Ghostbusters Movie Costume ($49.99). The Fusion website (whatever that is), is enraged that neither of these costumes comes complete with the requisite pair of ghostbusting boots. And they're positively livid that the model here is shown posing in a pair of (gasp) heels!

Jesus wept.

Slow news day, Fusion? Goodness, you reeeeeeally had to reach for that one. You'd better be careful, or you're going to pull a muscle straining for something to be outraged about.

I should point out that there are actually boots ($34.99) available to complete your Women's Ghostbusters Movie Costume, but they're sold separately. But that apparently doesn't matter, as the damage has already been done by the model wearing (brrrr…) heels.

Fusion's also quite infuriated by the Ghostbusters 2016 line of wigs— especially the Patty one, natch (as seen on the right). OK, I'll admit that they all look like piles of hot garbage and don't look remotely like the styles worn by any of the actresses in the film. But they cost $19.99 each! Of course they look terrible! What the hell do you expect for a measly twenty bucks? 

Fusion is also very upset that the Women's Ghostbusters Movie Costumes come in "Women's" sizes only, but the Men's Ghostbusters costumes feature a somewhat unisex "Adult" label. Said Fusion, "Is the idea of a boy or a man wanting to dress as a female Ghostbuster really that unthinkable?" I suppose it's not unthinkable. "Unlikely" might be a better word.

I guess the politically correct hellscape that passes for our society is now at the point where women's costumes are required to come in men's sizes, or someone's going to experience icky bad feelings. And we can't have that.

Fusion then continued their whinging, complaining that if women want to dress as characters from the original film, their only option is the Sexy Ghostbuster costume. Really? The only option? Why couldn't a woman just buy the goddamned Men's Ghostbusters costume and call it a day?

Besides, isn't this called "capitalism?" If no one wanted a Sexy Ghostbuster costume, then it wouldn't exist. This is hardly the first time these have been available-- somebody must be buying them.

So let me see if I can wrap my head around this. People are complaining that a model's shown wearing impractical heels, they're mad that the cheap wigs look like cheap wigs and won't make them look exactly like Melissa McCarthy, they're pissed that there are no male versions of a female costume (?) and hate that the Sexy Ghostbuster costume exists even though they could just buy the male version. Got it.

I suggest forgetting the whole thing and just buying this stylish Slimer hat/mask instead.

Curious!

OK, I know I said I was done with Halloween posts, but here's one more before I really do shut up about it until next year. 

Last month Google launched a new website called Frightgeist, which serves the incredibly necessary function of telling you what Halloween costume is the most popular in your particular area.

Thank the gods the internet is finally being used for something useful!

According to Frightgeist, the most popular costume in my home town of Evansville, Indiana is (or I guess, was)... Curious George.

(cue chirping crickets)
Not surprisingly, I didn't see a single person loping around in a Curious George costume last month. Nor have I ever seen anyone dressed as him at any point in my life.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this website was constructed and/or sponsored by the heirs of author Margaret Rey.

More Inappropriate, Ill-Advised And Bizarre Halloween Costumes

Well, it's October again, so you know what that means— Homecoming games, raking leaves, and stores full of slutty Halloween costumes.

Oddly enough, this year I haven't seen any of those temporary Halloween stores that pop up in my city. Last year I passed three of 'em on the way home from work (all within a half mile radius), but this year, nada. I've always wondered if there's really that much money to be made by these stores. After all, how many Sexy Journeyman Electrician costumes can a person sell? I'd occasionally browse around one or two of these stores, but I never bought anything, ever. Maybe no one else did either. That's probably why they skipped my town this year.

This year the Halloween costume designers have gone all out in their search for innocent subject matter to co-opt and corrupt. No pop culture figure is off limits, no internet meme is too fleeting. Anything and everything MUST be turned into a costume, at all costs. Let's take a look at a few ridiculous examples, shall we?

Sometimes the name is odder than the costume itself. This one is called Sexy Tux And Ears. I'm having a hard time seeing a tux anywhere in this. A better name would be Unlicensed Sexy Mickey Mouse. Uncle Walt would be spinning in his grave right now if his body wasn't stored in a cryogenic chamber deep below Disney Land.

Obviously the Disney company had nothing to do with this. I'm betting the costume company couldn't afford to license it from them either, so they just made a vaguely Mickey Mouse-looking costume and gave it generic, noncommital name. So that's it? That's all it takes to get around copyright law? If so, I'm going to make my own Darth Vader costume and call it Terrifying Evil Space Dad.

Continuing the unlicensed Disney theme, this one's called Rocket Babe. I'll let you guess who it's supposed to be. "To double D-cups and beyond!"

Is... is that Jennifer Lawrence modeling this costume?

This one's called Deluxe Sequin Fairy costume, and it's actually not that bad. It's sexy but not slutty, and pretty darned close to the source material. I believe in fairies indeed!

It's always puzzling to me when a costume company tries to sex up something that was sexy to begin with. This one's called Toon Hottie, and is obviously a thinly disguised Jessica Rabbit. But her character was already as overtly sexy as possible. And they just made her even sexier! Inception! 

Just another case of the companies pumping out costumes without understanding the source material.

Here we have the men's Bubble Wrap costume. As near as I can tell, it's made from actual bubble wrap. Sweet, soothing, poppable bubble wrap. I'm guessing this is a one-use-only costume, because at the end of the night your fellow partygoers will have popped all your bubbles, rendering it useless.

Here's another costume with a puzzling name. This one's called Gansta Girl. 

Um... I think they used the wrong spelling of "gangster" here. This is a sexy version of the traditional pin-striped Hollywood movie gangster, the kind that carried a Tommy gun inside a violin case. It's not a hip-hop rap style ganSTA. Know your source material, people!

Designing and manufacturing costumes is expensive, so companies like to cut corners and save a few cents wherever they can. Here's a prime example of costume recycling. The costume on the left is the Deluxe Lion Tamer, while the one on the right is the Deluxe Ringleader. 

They're the same damned costume! They both contain the same top hat, boots and riding crop. The only difference is in the jacket and the cut of the hot pants.

By the way, I think they mean "Ringmaster," not "Ringleader." Doy.

This one is labeled the Nurse High costume. I... I don't even know what I'm looking at here. It's a sexy nurse uniform festooned with marijuana leaves, so... I guess she's a caregiver who helps her patients get high? Is that it? Is that the joke? Maybe you have to be high to understand it.

Look everyone, it's our old friend the Sexy Corn costume! It debuted last year, and I bet it'll be around for many more to come. In fact I bet there are warehouses full of these that the manufacturer can't even give away. Who the hell would want go to a party dressed as Sexy Corn? There's nothing sexy about corn. Nothing I tell you!

I have a feeling in a few years missionaries will spot impoverished villagers in Africa wearing these costumes as everyday clothing.

Here we have the Chris Pratt As Owen Grady costume from this summer's hit Jurassic World.

Thank the gods old and new that someone finally put out a costume of everyone's favorite raptor wrangler! Because no one would ever be able to throw together a costume consisting of a blue shirt, leather vest and brown pants by themselves!

OK, I'm generally not one to panic. I think most of our country's airport security measures are unnecessary, and the TSA searches are nothing more than theater vto give the public the illusion of safety. That said, this Airline Pilot costume seems like a very bad idea.

Yeee-HAW! It's the Boss Hog costume from the hit 1980s TV show, The Dukes Of Hazzard! 

I'm very confused by this costume. Not only does it come three decades too late, but I don't remember Boss Hogg being this morbidly obese. Sure, he was overweight, but nowhere near the "Can't Get Out Of Bed Under His Own Power And Requires The Fire Department To Remove The Side Of His House To Get Him Out And Transport Him To The Bariatric Unit" look seen here.

The costume says it comes with an internal hoop to give the wearer a rotund appearance. But then as you can see it's labeled a Plus Size costume. So I guess this means it's one size fits all? If you're under 600 pounds you use the hoop, and if you're over you leave it out and squeeze into the pants?

Lastly we have the awesome new Hashtag costume! My new least favorite catchphrase has now been captured in a costume! Hashtag hilarious!

Personally I'll be skipping this one and waiting for the Caps Lock costume SO I CAN SHOUT AT EVERYONE AT THE PARTY AND TELL THEM MY CAPS KEY IS STUCK!

Tyrannosaurus Nix!

Wow, can you believe it? It's the end of August and the stores aren't jam packed with Halloween crap yet! Not even a single pop-up costume shop anywhere in town! Can it be that retailers are sick of the constant mocking about Christmas Creep and such, and have finally implemented more sensible sales schedules? Nah... I can't see that happening.

Amidst all the Caitlyn and Cecil The Lion Killer costumes for sale, I did see this incredibly realistic and "officially licensed" inflatable Jurassic World T-Rex costume. My god, look at it. Take a moment to appreciate that fine, Old World craftsmanship. You don't see quality like this every day! It looks like an ILM special effect stepped right off the silver screen. Be sure and inform the local constabulary before you wear this convincing costume out in public, or you just might cause a widespread panic!

I have so many questions about this costume. First of all it's inflatable, and says it comes with a battery operated fan. Do they possibly mean air pump? Because I really don't see how a small fan that clips to your belt is going to keep an eight foot tall costume inflated at 15 psi.

Second, how the hell do you put it on? There's a large zipper in the front, so I guess you slither inside it and then inflate it? You'd have to, right? If you inflated it and then unzipped it, it would fly out of your hands and across the room with a rude sound.

So once you manage to get the thing on, you're basically trapped inside an airtight costume that's somehow kept inflated by a tiny, battery operated fan. Breathing the same stale, recirculated air over and over again. How long before the CO2 level in that thing builds up to deadly levels and you topple over into the bean dip, or knock the flat screen TV to the floor?

As a bonus, the costume comes in green, even though the photo clearly shows it as brown. And don't worry, Mom, cleanup is a breeze! It's hand-washable! Just rinse it out in some Woolite with cashmere sweater and other fine washables!

This Week In Ill-Advised Halloween Costumes: Too Soon Edition

It's October, so you know what that means here at Bob Canada's BlogWorld! Dozens of posts pointing out inappropriately sexy and/or dangerous Halloween costumes! Hey, at least I'm consistent.

As we sit here pondering the all-too-real possibility of a global pandemic, what better way to salute the end of life as we know it than by dressing up in an overpriced Ebola Containment Suit costume!

The suit is currently available on the BrandOnSale website, and according to their sales blurb:

The deadly Ebola virus has landed in the United States and the crisis has reached new levels of domestic escalation. You are sure to be prepared if any outbreak happens at your Halloween party. This will literally be the most "viral" costume of the year.

Wow. That... they really just said that. You know, there's nothing I like better than a good old fashioned deadly disease pun! Humor like this is infectious! Better be careful; your laughter might be contagious!

The suit comes complete with an Ebola White Costume, Ebola Face Shield, Breathing Mask, Safety Eye Goggles, and Blue Latex Gloves. Yellow boots not included.

It even says "EBOLA" right there on the left breast! 

Am I surprised by this tasteless display? I should be, but given the current state of our oafish society, it's pretty much par for the course.

The only thing that does surprise me is that there's no Sexy Ebola Containment Suit Costume. Yet...